A wish upon the moon

Moon

“I wish, I wish, upon the moon,
That my wishes will be granted soon,
These are the things I ask of you –
A happy home, and good health too,
a wealth of friends and peace of mind,
and that special love that’s hard to find.
Dispel my worries, allay my fears,
protect my loved ones and keep them near.
Please keep me safe, with those I love
and bless my life from up above…”

by Mary Jac

Night

And whatever you wish for on this supermoon night, I hope it comes true 🙂

THE END

Credits:

Smile 😀

girl holding dandelion flower

Photo by Thgusstavo Santana on Pexels.com

A smile is quite a funny thing
It wrinkles up your face
And when it’s gone, you’ll never find
Its secret hiding place
But far more wonderful it is
To see what smiles can do
You smile at one, she smiles at you
And so one smile makes two

He smiles at someone, since you smile
And then that one smiles back
And that one smile smiles until in truth
You fail in keeping track
And since a smile can do great good
By cheering hearts of care
Let’s smile and not forget the fact
That smiles go everywhere

(From A Smile is a Funny Thing)

Smile(From NurseBuff)

THE END

Making lives meaningful in old age

“The problem with medicine and the institutions it has spawned for the care of the sick and the old is not that they have had an incorrect view of what makes life significant. The problem is that they have had almost no view at all. Medicine’s focus is narrow. Medical professionals concentrate on repair of health, not sustenance of the soul… Making lives meaningful in old age … requires more imagination and invention than making them merely safe does.”

Atul Gawande

Old lady

“In 1991, in the tiny town of New Berlin, in upstate New York, a young physician named Bill Thomas performed and experiment. He didn’t really know what he was doing. He was thirty-one years old, less than two years out of family medicine residency, and he had just taken a new job as medical director of Case Memorial Nursing Home, a facility with eighty severely disabled elderly residents. About half of them were physically disabled; four out of five had Alzheimer’s disease or other forms of cognitive disability….

The staff at Chase saw nothing especially problematic about the place, but Thomas with his newcomer’s eyes saw despair in every room. The nursing home depressed him. He wanted to fix it. At first, her tried to fix it the way that, as a doctor, he knew best…. He set about doing physical examinations of the residents and ordering scans and tests and changing heir medications. But, after several weeks of investigations and alterations, he’d accomplished little except driving the medical bills up and making the nursing staff crazy…. “I was confusing care with treatment,” he told me. He didn’t give up, though. He came to think the missing ingredient in this nursing home was life itself, and he decided to try an experiment to inject some…

They ordered the hundred parakeets for delivery all on the same day…. When the delivery truck arrived, the birdcages hadn’t. The driver therefore released them into the beauty salon on the ground floor, shut the door, and left. The cages arrived later that day, but in flat boxes, unassembled. It was “total pandemonium,” Thomas said. The memory of it still puts a grin on his face… He, his wife, Jude, the nursing director, Greising, and a handful of others spent hours assembling the cages, chasing the parakeets through a cloud of feathers around the salon and delivering birds to every resident’s room. The elders gathered outside the salon windows to watch. “They laughed their butts off,” Thomas said…. They were so patently incompetent that most everyone dropped their guard and simply pitched in – the residents included…

“People who we had believed weren’t able to speak started speaking,” Thomas said. “People who had been completely withdrawn started coming to the nurses’ station and saying, ”I’ll take the dog for a walk.” All the parakeets were adopted and named by the residents. The lights turned back on in people’s eyes. IN a book he wrote about the experience, Thomas quoted from journals that the staff kept, and they described how irreplaceable the animals had become in the daily lives of residents, even ones with advanced dementia:

Gus really enjoys his birds. He listens to their singing and asks if they can have some of his coffee.

The residents are really making my job easier; many of them give me a daily report on their birds (e.g., “sings all day,” “doesn’t eat,” “seems perkier”)…

The inhabitants of Chase Memorial Nursing Home now included one hundred parakeets, four dogs, two cats, plus a colony of rabbits and a flock of laying hens. There were also hundreds of indoor plants and a thriving vegetable and flower garden. The home had on-site childcare for the staff and a new after-school program.

Researchers studied the effects of this program over two years, comparing a variety of measures for Chase’s residents with those of residents at another nursing home nearby. Their study found that the number of prescriptions required per resident fell to half of that control nursing home. Psychotropic drugs for agitation, like Haldol, decreased in particular. The total drug costs fell to just 38 percent of the comparison facility. Deaths fell 15 percent….

The most important finding was that it is possible to provide them with reasons to live, period. Even residents with dementia so severe that they had lost the ability to grasp much of what was going on could experience a life with grater meaning and pleasure and satisfaction. It is much harder to measure how much more worth people find in being alive than how many fewer drugs they depend on or how much longer they can live. But could anything matter more?”

From ‘Being Mortal’ by Atul Gawande

Care

Credits:

Sons

Son

I sometimes wish you were still small.
Not yet so big and strong and tall.
For when I think of yesterday.
I close my eyes and see you play.

I often miss that little boy
Who pestered me to buy a toy,
Who filled my days with pure delight
From early morn to late at night.

We watch our children change and grow
As seasons come then quickly go.
But our God has a perfect plan
To shape a boy into a man.

Today my son I’m proud of you
For all the thoughtful things you do.
I’ll love you till my days are done.
And I’m so grateful you’re my son.

by Larry Howland

Boys

Credits:

  1. Image 1 from https://quotabulary.com/amazing-quotes-about-mother-son-relationship
  2. Poem from https://quotesjoss.blogspot.com/2018/08/mother-son-inspirational-quotes.html
  3. Image 2 from https://proudhappymama.com/30-beautiful-mother-and-son-quotes-and-sayings/

Is FUN=RUN and FREE=FLEE?

Trees

I like this quote by Ram Dass, though not all people I see as trees. Some are more like bushes to me, others – tumbleweeds that roll wherever wind blows them… with neither roots, nor attachments in life…

Tomas and Sabina from ‘The Unbearable Lightness of Being’ look like such tumbleweeds to me… so light, so fun and always on the run to flee any attachments and stay free… A very heavy burden for demisexual Tereza who can’t separate sexual attraction and lust  from love and emotional connection…

This ”lightness of being’ philosophy however is not new… For centuries it was practiced by the rich and powerful. Only they could afford it, often at the expense of common people as reflected in one of the Russian proverb from the “good old days”: “Do not promote me to Corporal, but do not touch my wife”…

In modern Western societies the ‘lightness of being’ philosophy of casual relationships is becoming more common. It is often associated with earlier stages in life, with exploring life before making long-term choices and settling in.

While such behaviour is no longer considered ‘abnormal’ as it does not violate norms of the modern Western society, it can cause the person distress if ‘avoidant’ style of attachments starts dominating person’s life, preventing that person from forming deep meaningful relationships, having family and children.

According to Darlene Lancer, “around 25 percent of the population has avoidant attachment style. People with avoidant attachment style avoid closeness and value their independence and self-sufficiency more than intimacy. They can enjoy closeness — to a limit. In relationships, they act self-sufficient and self-reliant and aren’t comfortable sharing feelings. They protect their freedom and delay commitment. Once committed, they create mental distance with ongoing dissatisfaction about their relationship, focusing on their partner’s minor flaws or reminiscing about their single days or another idealised relationship…

Although most people don’t change their attachment style, it can be altered to be more or less secure depending upon experiences and conscious effort. To change your style to be more secure, seek relationships with others who are capable of a secure attachment. You can easily spot them as they radiate warmth. Loving comes naturally to them. They accept people’s minor shortcomings and treat them with love and respect. They don’t play games or manipulate but are direct and able to openly and assertively share their needs and feelings.”

You can also try the following:

Attachment style affects all aspects of the relationship, including sex life. Resolve all barriers to intimacy and don’t let the ‘lightness of being’ to become unbearable…

THE END

References:

When we get old…

Age.jpg
“Around the corner, I met Anne Braveman, seventy-nine, and Rita Kahn, eighty-six, who told me they had gone to the movies the week before. It wasn’t some official, prearranged group outing. It was just two friends who decided they wanted to go see The King’s Speech on a Thursday night… A nursing assistant had to agree to join them. Braveman was paralyzed from the waist down due to multiple sclerosis and got around by motorized wheelchair; Kahn was prone to falls and needed a walker. They had to pay the $15 fare for a wheelchair-accessible vehicle to take them. But it was possible for them to go. They were looking forward to watching Sex and the City on DVD next.

“Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey yet?” Kahn asked me, impishly.

I allowed, modestly, that I had not.

“I had never heard of chains and that stuff,” she said, marvelling. Had I? she wanted to know.

I really didn’t want to answer that…”

(from Being Mortal by Atul Gawande)

We do not stop having fun when we get old.
We get old when we stop having fun…

THE END

Credits: Image from searchgi.com

Lighthouse

lighthouse 1Image  from imanikingblog.com

She stands high upon the bluff
a silhouette of one
lonely on the shore
It’s what she’s always done.

She is a lonely beacon
that beckons all to come
unnoticed by the multitudes
but cared about by some.

An angel to the sailors
on a bleak and stormy night,
the savior to the ships at sea
on a foggy night…

Visit the Reluctant Poet blog to read this wonderful poem written by Charles Robert Lindholm and always keep your light shining…

The Reluctant Poet

THE LOVER OF THE LIGHT - ON THE BLUFF 60 PERCENT
By Charles Robert Lindholm

She stands high upon the bluff

a silhouette of one

lonely on the shore

It’s what she’s always done

She is a lonely beacon

that beckons all to come

unnoticed by the multitudes

but cared about by some

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