Healing from empathic distress

Neuroscientists have discovered specialized cells in the brain, called mirror neurons, that spontaneously create brain-to-brain links between people. This means that our brain waves, chemistry and feelings can literally mirror the brain waves, chemistry and feelings of people who we are communicating with, reading stories about, watching on television, or those who we simply have in our thoughts.

We may think that our feelings and emotions are our exclusive property, that they belong to us and that we alone can feel them. However, emotions can easily pass from person to person, like infectious smiling. The way we feel can affect the way other people are feeling.

Some people are so highly sensitive, that they can start feeling the way other people feel. They can start experiencing other people’s feelings as their own feelings. Much of the time this is done unconsciously.

People commonly put on a show of expression, hiding their true feelings and emotions. Sometimes, people are struggling to understand their own feelings. Highly sensitive people (or empaths) can sense the truth behind the cover and can help that person to better understand and express him/herself, thus making them feel at ease and not so desperately alone.

Empaths are often poets in motion. They are the born writers, singers, and artists with a high degree of creativity and imagination. They are known for many talents as their interests are varied, broad and continual, loving, loyal and humorous. They often have interests in many cultures and view them with a broad-minded perspective.

Empaths are often problem solvers, thinkers, and studiers of many things. As far as empaths are concerned, where a problem is, so too is the answer. They often will search until they find one – if only for their own peace of mind.

Empaths are often very affectionate in personality and expression, great listeners and counselors (and not just in the professional area). They will find themselves helping others and often putting their own needs aside to do so.

Empaths are often quiet and can take a while to handle a compliment for they’re more inclined to point out another’s positive attributes.

Empaths have a tendency to openly feel what is outside of them more so than what is inside of them. This can cause empaths to ignore their own needs or get overwhelmed and confused with everything they feel.

An empath’s sensitivity is a gift but in order to fully develop and manage it they need to learn how to stop absorbing other people’s stresses. They need to learn to center and protect themselves, set healthy boundaries, and let go of the painful feelings they picked up from others.

There is a number of self-protection strategies for empaths including:

1. Evaluation: is this feeling mine or someone else’s? It could be both. Feelings are catchy, especially if they relate to a hot button issue for you. You are more prone to take on the emotional or physical pain that you haven’t worked out in yourself. The more you heal issues that trigger you, the less likely you’ll be to absorb disturbing feelings from others.
2. Step away from what’s disturbing you.  In a physical space when possible, distance yourself by at least twenty feet from the suspected source. See if you feel relief. If a movie or a book are negatively affecting you, stop watching or reading.
3. Get to know your vulnerable points and protect them.
4. Surrender to your breath. Concentrate on your breath for a few minutes. This is centering and connects you to your power.
5. Set healthy limits and boundaries. Control how much time you spend listening to stressful people, and learn to say “no.” Remember, “no” is a complete sentence.
6. Visualise protection around you. Visualise an envelope of white light around your entire body.
7. Go for a walk or enjoy another outdoor activity. Empaths often find themselves continually drawn to nature as a form of ‘release’ from other people’s feelings. It is the opportune place to recapture their senses and gain a sense of peace in the hectic lives they may live.

Don’t panic if you occasionally pick up pain or some other nasty symptom. It happens. With these strategies you can have quicker responses to stressful situations. This will make you feel safer, healthier, and your sensitivities can blossom.

Credits:

• Image 1 from Jesus was the greatest empath… 
• Image 2 from http://psicotrans.wordpress.com
• Image 3 by Squirrrel 
• Image 4 from http://nspt4kids.com
• Image 5 from http://psychcentral.com
• Image 6 from picturequotes

 

Smiles and tears…

Build for yourself a strong box
Fashion each part with care
When it’s as strong as your hand can make it
Put all your troubles there.

Hide there all thought of your failures
And each bitter cup that you quaff
Lock all your heartaches within it
Then sit on the lid and laugh.

Tell no one else its contents
Never its secrets tell
When you’ve dropped in your care and worry
Keep them forever there.

Hide them from sight so completely
That the world will never dream half;
Fasten the strong box securely
Then sit on the lid and laugh.

by Bertha Adams Backus

Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

Credits:

• Image 1 from Pinterest
• Image 2 from Pexels.com

Life wounds and scars

Every situation you have encountered forms the person you are today. Sometimes these will make you feel happy, while at other times you may feel profoundly miserable. In these moments of dejection our wounds are opened.

There are a number of wounds which we are able to heal with time, but never finish scarring. These remind us that something or someone may be hurtful or painful to us. A few of these wounds are:

1. Humiliation

We are humiliated when someone attacks our personal dignity in different manners. This is a form of denigration, be it done privately or publicly, the latter being even tougher to overcome.

The consequences of feeling humiliated will directly affect one’s self-esteem, confidence toward others, and one’s hope in what they do and expect from the world. When someone humiliates you, it feels as though they have taken something away that belonged to you in the cruelest way possible.

2. Disappointment

When someone disappoints us, it destroys all our expectations and hopes. This is a mix of shock, anger, surprise and heartache. It may come from a family member, a childhood friend, a work colleague, or simply someone we considered to be a good person, incapable of betraying certain principles, respect towards us, or towards the world in general. We may come to feel frustrated by such a disappointment, even depressed, and evidently our ability to trust in others will find itself to be reduced or possibly even eliminated.

3. Betrayal

Generally when we have been betrayed it is because someone has first taken our trust, we have confided in their word to the very end, and we believed that all their actions were honest and sincere; but we then discover that, in reality, it was all quite the contrary.

What is our first sensation? Disbelief, then possibly anger, sadness, a feeling of having humiliated ourselves.

No matter who left the wounds and scars on your mind and soul, always remember that there is something wrong with them, not you. Normal people do not go around destroying other human beings…

THE END

Source: 5 Wounds of the Soul Which Heal, but Leave Scars.

Credits:

• Image 1 from themindsjournal.com
• Image 2 from How do I Recover from Trauma and Humiliation?
• Image 3 from 9Shades.com
• Image 4 from DPsayings.com
• Image 5 from the SelfLoveU blog

 

 

 

Mid-Week Laughter :-)

“Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.”

Bill Cosby

From https://betterdoctor.wordpress.com

Have a good laugh and enjoy the rest of the week

🙂

THE END

 

Boys DOn’t CRY

From Whisper

Men often feel that they need to be self-reliant and hide their own emotions. This behaviour is reinforced everyday in the stereotype of the heroic male, so often represented in popular culture. Fearless, resourceful, stoic and usually facing adversity alone, these characters tell us a lot about what is considered to be ideal male behaviour within our society.

From http://www.comicvine.com

More powerful than film characters are the roles we see our parents playing. Many men have experienced fathers who were emotionally distant, who rarely, if ever, cried or expressed affection outwardly. The way we see our parents behave becomes the unconscious template for our own behaviour.

This template is further reinforced by the upbringing of boys. From early childhood girls and boys are treated very differently, which most of the time is completely unintentional. For example when a little girl falls over, people will fuss around her crooning condolences ‘are you okay poppet?’, ‘Mummy will kiss it better’ meaning for little girls, it’s acceptable to hurt, and to show emotions and pain. However, with little boys it’s often a quick ‘You’ll be okay, you’re a big boy’ or ‘be a man’ leaving no space for emotional display.

From http://wordsondesert.wordpress.com

The four basic human emotions include:

• Sadness
• Anger
• Happiness
• Fear

Of these four emotions, happiness is considered the most acceptable in society. Yet anger, fear and sadness are universally felt by everyone. These emotions serve valuable purposes and are normal responses to threat and loss.

As emotions such as fear and sadness are generally not as accepted, men might try to hide these from themselves and those around them. They feel that they should be able cope on their own.

Individuals might try to cope with ‘negative’ emotions in one or more of the following ways:

• Withdrawing from family and friends
• Working longer hours
• Spending more time away from home
• Consuming more alcohol
• Behaving recklessly and/or violently

We might not always be able to identify what we’re feeling or have the words to describe our emotions. Men may feel uncomfortable talking to someone about them, leading to frustration in relationships when they cannot express their needs, fears and grief.

From http://darkside-of-felix.deviantart.com

Why talk about it?

The restriction of emotional expression in many men’s lives can lead to:

• A greater sense of isolation
• Less support being available from loved ones
• Health issues due to carrying chronic tension in the body and other bad coping strategies
• Relationship difficulties due to an inability to resolve emotional conflicts and/or a perceived lack of ability to be intimate
• Psychological problems such as depression, insomnia and anxiety.

From http://www.doctorpat.org

Getting in touch

Men are often told they have to ‘get in touch with their feelings,’ but what does this really mean and how do you do it? Here are some strategies for getting to know your own feelings better:

• Be aware of the sensations in your body. Emotion always manifests somewhere in the body. Anger might be experienced as a flush of heat in the face, sadness as a tightening of the throat, anxiety as a knot in the stomach. Take a moment to acknowledge the feeling(s) and take a few breaths to help identify these sensations and understand what they mean.
• If you are feeling angry, ask yourself what other emotions you might be feeling? Are you really sad underneath, or afraid?
• Learn to put words to what you are feeling. Often it helps to write down or brainstorm ideas before a conversation.
• Identifying and expressing feelings is a learnt behaviour – and like driving a car, it only takes practice.
• Take the risk of showing your vulnerability with people who you feel safe with. Give yourself permission to be human, it could bring you closer to others and may even bring a sense of relief.
• Ask for help when you need it.

From Men and Emotions

From http://www.oh-i-see.com

* * *

 

Related posts:

• Cracking the Communication Code Between Men And Women
• Emotional sensitivity: embrace a new perspective
• COMMAn mistake in communication: Do not say a little in many words…
• Marriage is a relationship in which…

It doesn’t matter who hurt you, or broke you down. What matters is who made you smile again…

( Photo by Katenovna )

You taught me how to laugh again 
And gave me back my smile, 
Restored my faith in people 
When everyone seemed vile.

You were as if the sun came up 
Upon my bitter night 
And bade the blackness rustle up 
Some joyful morning light.

( by Nicholas Gordon )

( Photo by CarbonKid )

Never forget those, who were there for you
when no one else was…
Send them your smile to remind that
they did make a difference for you…

From Pain

THE END

Sometimes I just wish, I could run away and hide…

From Coach Your Mind

Sometimes I just wish, I could run away and hide.
No matter where I go though, these feelings stay inside.
How can I stay here and live each day a lie,
When all I want to do is close my eyes and die?
I see the pain I cause you, with every tear I shed.
I plead with you now, let me go instead?
I wish I could take you with me, to a happy place,
Whether it exists though, is time for me to face.
Can I ask for your forgiveness? For you to set me free,
It may seem ungrateful, but this life’s not meant for me.
Thank you for all your love, for all the time we shared,
It means the world to me, to know that someone cared.

By Jaclyn

From Set Me Free

* * *

Have you ever had suicidal thoughts? If yes, you’re not alone; many of us have had suicidal thoughts at some point in our lives.

Feeling suicidal is not a character defect, and it doesn’t mean that you are crazy, or weak, or flawed. Lots of people who were experiencing suicidal thoughts have no history of mental illnesses, drugs or alcohol abuse.

From IZquotes

When I started thinking of ending my life, I simply did not see any purpose in existing on this planet. I did not see any way of fitting in with that curious lot, people, who all ‘herd together, trampling on each other’, as Maxim Gorky once said. I felt it was a mistake for me to be born at the first place and just wanted to disappear with no trace, like if I have never ever been on that planet. 

From DevianArt

People jumping under the trains were a regular occurrence at that time.  Life was tough and lots of people saw no purpose in keeping that miserable existence going.

One of my friends was a train driver. He told me once how that feels to see someone dying under the train. How hard it is to forget the eyes of that person… That did not seem right thing to me. I felt that it was up to me to decide, what I wanted to do with my life. But what right did I have to make other people’s lives more miserable  by making other people see that and leaving them to deal with the remains on the tracks? Leaving no trace – that was the problem…

From Shellshock Serenade

I never talked to anyone about my thoughts. I never indicated to anyone what was going in my mind. I was still laughing, constantly reciting my favorite lines from ‘Cynics’ – the book I liked the most at that time. That laughter and those lines – my closest friend could not stand that anymore and pulled me out of town for a few weeks. The ‘Cynics’ were left behind as well as the lines of its main character who did commit suicide in the last chapter of that book…

From DevianArt

These were probably the most important two weeks in my life. That was the first time in my life when I realised, that if there is no way, I CAN make my OWN WAY. Looking back, I appreciate a lot those people, who helped me to realise that, who did show me that life was still worth living, who did return me my sense of humour… Looking back, I’m glad that I did not disappear without a trace. I’m glad that I’m still on that planet.

However that experience taught me a lot and gave me a good ‘measure’ for everything in life. Every time I had a hard choice in my life, I was thinking: ‘If I go that way or make that choice, will I want to live on that planet afterwards?’. And if the answer was ‘no’, than that option was off the list. That made my life so much simpler.

From DevianArt

If you are unable to think of solutions other than ending your life, it is not that other solutions don’t exist, but rather that you are currently unable to see them. The intense emotional pain that you’re experiencing right now can distort your thinking so it becomes harder to see possible solutions to problems, or to connect with those who can offer support. Talk to a trusted friend or relative, talk to your beloved ones. Give them a chance to help. Alternatively, try anonymous hotline.

If you think a friend or family member is considering suicide, you might be afraid to bring up the subject. But talking openly about suicidal thoughts and feelings can save a life.

Ways to start a conversation about suicide:

• I have been feeling concerned about you lately.
• Recently, I have noticed some differences in you and wondered how you are doing.
• I wanted to check in with you because you haven’t seemed yourself lately.

Questions you can ask:

• When did you begin feeling like this?
• Did something happen that made you start feeling this way?
• How can I best support you right now?

What you can say that helps:

• You are not alone in this. I’m here for you.
• You may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change.
• I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help.
• When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold off for just one more day, hour, minute—whatever you can manage…

From How to Help a Suicidal Friend

If someone close to you committed suicide, don’t blame yourself. People tend to think of what they might have done differently to help prevent the suicide. Being deep in grief makes it hard to think clearly, and you may really believe that you could have stopped your loved one’s suicide with lots of “what ifs”: “What if I had taken her straight home?” “What if I’d gone downstairs and checked on him that night?” “What if I had told her I loved her more?””What if…

Grief

Coming to a place of acceptance (the final stage of grieving) often goes hand in hand with getting a sense of closure on the actual death. Talking with others who knew the person well or even having some kind of a gathering to talk about the person can be quite healing. Laughing and enjoying life again doesn’t mean you’ve forgotten your loved one. In fact, going on with your life is a wonderful way of honoring your loved one’s memory…

From Suicide is Painful

Resources:

• Suicide Help: Dealing with Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings
• Suicide Prevention: How to Help Someone who is Suicidal
• When Someone Close to You Commits Suicide

THE END

Hidden scars

From Tumblr.com

When did it become so hard,
To tell the truth,
And show our scars?
When did we decide that we,
Must hide our hurt,
Our pain,
And flee,
To distant lands,
Within our heads,
Emotions hidden,
Dulled and dead,
Never to be shared aloud,
Instead we’re silent,
Smiling,
Proud.
Proud of juggling life so well,
Proud we manage not to tell,
Proud our lives look good to all,
But pride’s what comes before a fall.
And so we hide hurt rather well,
But deep inside it starts to swell,
Until we’re taken with the tide,
Of all the things we tried to hide,
And then our secrets are no more,
Our problems spill upon the floor,
Seeping, sliding making mess,
Whilst others sidestep,
We confess,
We couldn’t manage any more.
We hid our scars but they’re still raw.

By PookyH

From Beware the Barrenness of a busy Life

THE END

Other worlds

From Anonymous ART of Revolution

When you live in a world,
That you don’t understand,
It’s hard not to reach out,
With a shaking tired hand,
To a world that makes sense,
Though you know that it’s wrong,
Because this is a world,
Where you can sing the song.
This is a world
Where life makes sense to you,
Where the things people say,
And the things people do,
Don’t feel distant and foreign;
Instead they feel right,
You wear this world like a glove,
And you snuggle it tight.
But you know that it’s wrong,
And you know it won’t pay,
To live in this world,
For the rest of your days.
But for now it feels safe,
So you’ll stay for today.
Maybe tomorrow,
You’ll find a new way.

by Pooky H

From Pooky’s Poems

“But you know that it’s wrong…”

Is it wrong? Why do you think so? 

THE END

Love is patient with a life…

( Photo by gree )

Love is patient with a life
That brings its share of pain.
We know sometime there is an end
To the most stubborn rain.

We know the sun comes out again
On a world that’s fresh and new,
And all the gifts we freely give
Somewhere, sometime accrue.

We know sometimes we have to wait
For life to come around,
And sometimes that it won’t, but still
There’s some good to be found.

And even when things happen that
Your soul can hardly bear,
Know that I’ll be next to you;
My love is always there.

by Nicholas Gordon
(from http://www.poemsforfree.com )

THE END