“Amicu certus in re incerta cernitur”
“A friend in need is a friend indeed”
Credits: image from www.lib.ru
Credits: image from www.lib.ru
Everything is funnier when you’re with your best friend.
Have a wonderful Christmas
lots of like minded friends in the New Year!
“Become friends with people who aren’t your age. Hang out with people whose first language isn’t the same as yours. Get to know someone who doesn’t come from your social class. This is how you see the world. This is how you grow.”
From World Wisdom
“I often encountered the negative view that boys’ schools produce men who are unable to relate to women and who, because of their arrogance about being male – encouraged by the school – carry negative perceptions about the place of women in today’s society…. At the very least it has been suggested the boys leaving such schools are emotionally bereft and incapable of establishing and maintaining effective personal relationships with women…
It was uncommon for the fathers of some students, men who had themselves been educated at boys’ schools, to reflect that they’d been unable to understand or communicate effectively with members of the opposite sex when they left school. Some of them went on to conceded that the workings of the female brain remained a mystery to this day and I have no doubt they’re not alone in holding that view….
Their adolescent sons didn’t, however, appear to share their experience of not being able to communicate effectively with adolescent girls. Partly due no doubt to the greater degree of social freedom available to girls today, the boys appeared to understand their female counterparts much better than their fathers had.
Almost all boys I spoke to had close female friends within their immediate peer group – often referred to as ‘chick-mates’ – and many spoke of the value of the conversations they had with these girl friends about the ‘real’ stuff, the stuff they could not or would not talk about with their male peers.”
From ‘He’ll be OK: Growing gorgeous boys into good men‘
by Celia Lashlie
The same principle applies very well to mentoring.
As Prof. D Clutterbuck points out, ‘mentoring fulfills a desire most people share; that is to pass on their learning to help other people develop their potential.’
Dave Stein notes however that “mentoring is much more complex and complicated relationship than most people think. Mentors and their protégés need to take care to establish a mutually-beneficial relationship in order for it to be truly successful.”
Protégé must be willing to work hard at improvement. That means “defining and accepting their shortcomings and being open to changing or forming new habits through adopting new strategies and tactics.” They have to be “honest, objective, appreciative, motivated and have the courage to change.”
What’s in it for the mentor? Mentors not only get the satisfaction of helping someone who needs and wants their assistance. They also get to improve their own coaching, leadership, communication, and management skills. Mentors note that they “often get new ideas and insights from my protégés” and their protégés provide them with an expansion of their business and professional network.
How do you see the world?
How do you grow?
Hope you have such people in your life
This song touched my heart with its simplicity. Sometimes life takes you away from people who were once close to you. You slowly drift apart, drowning in the sea of everyday routine. Every now and then however you ask yourself: “I wonder how he/she is? Is he/she alright? If not, is there anything I can do for her/him?”
Or even worse – you suddenly learn that this person went through a very tough patch in life and you were not there for her/him. You had no chance to help or at least share the pain and now it is too late… You did not know, but that does not make that lump of bitter guilt inside you any smaller.
Even when you are trying to keep in touch with people who were once close to you, it often ends up in a superficial polite conversation about work, family, children, weather and lots of routine trivial things, while the most important questions go unanswered and often unasked. No words can hide the awkwardness and emptiness that speaks…
Are you alright? Do you have someone whom you can tell anything that worries you, anything that comes to your mind? Do you have someone to give you a hug whenever you need one?
Have a wonderful week and keep smiling 🙂
Have you met such children in your life?
Or, may be, you’ve been one of them?
I was not “removed” – I stayed with my family – well, with whatever was left of it by then… No one cared, no one noticed – it was better that way. I was ‘caught’ only a few times at school. Once I struggled with completing a test in writing because my hands were shaking too much. On another occasion I punched a girl. She saw my dad coming home drunk and started making silly jokes about that in front of the class. My fuse was short – my fist was fast… I was taken to the principal. He could not make any sense of it: “You’ve always been such a good quiet student, always getting the top marks, always listening to the teachers. I can’t understand why you did that?” I had nothing to say.
I never invited anyone to my place, I never talked to anyone about my family – except my only school friend Lucy and later Ivan.
I felt very sorry for Lucy. She lived with her parents and her only sister. Her dad wanted to have sons – no luck. Both children turned out to be female. He never got over it, blaming them and their mum for that. He was often verbally and physically abusive – with both girls and their mother. I felt much luckier – at least, my dad was not bashing me.
Lucy’s sister got married as soon as she reached the ‘legal’ age, which was 18 – just to get away from her dad. Lucy ‘lasted’ a bit longer. She phoned me before her wedding day: “You might be surprised that I’m marrying a man who is 10 years older than I’m,” she said. “While it was the norm a century ago, I know it looks pretty weird nowadays. With a more mature dad, I hope my children will be growing in a better environment and won’t see the hell I went through as a child…”
Ivan was raised by a single mum. His dad was complete alcoholic. I saw him only once. He was so ‘marinated’ after decades of drinking, that it was even impossible to tell when he was drunk or sober, if he ever was sober. He was trying to say something friendly to me, but I could not understand even a single word. Poor Ivan needed to ‘translate’ for me from Russian to Russian. I felt very sorry for Ivan – my dad at least could still talk properly and was not always drunk.
Alex never talked about his family. It looked like his family did not care about him at all. I had a feeling that there was a history of alcoholism in his family too, because Alex would never touch anything with alcohol, whether it was vodka, beer, wine or cider. Not a drop. For that reason, other lads were always mocking him with their usual ‘you are not a man if you are not drinking’ tune. My gender helped in those cases – as none of that ‘be a man’ crap applied to me I could easily get those lads ‘out of tune’ to shut them up.
Victoria was the only surprising exception. Her parents divorced when she was little. Her dad was married three times, her mum – twice. It always puzzled me how they all managed to maintain good relationships. Victoria lived with her mum, however if she needed her dad he was always there for her in a blink of an eye. She had very good relationship with all his children from other marriages – her half-sisters and half-brothers. Her step-dad treated her well too. May be, that’s why she turned into such a carefree chatter box with a beaming smile: always happy, always confident, always giggling…
I’m very proud of my friends. They did not have a good start in life, but they all managed to get their lives into a pretty good shape and provide safe, stable and loving environment for their children. They became wonderful teachers, doctors, train drivers, tradespeople. It was a hard work – and still is I’m sure. However they never complained, they never blamed their fate or difficult childhood, they never gave up and while steadily getting up on their feet, they never put anyone down.
I do admire their self-discipline, strength, determination and kind hearts. They are real heroes for me, the most beautiful people I’ve known.
What about you?
Who are the most beautiful people in your life?
With each day
Comes fresh parting
A brand new goodbye.
Leaves its mark,
Makes me whither
Goodbyes can be long
Can be short,
They can be said to people
You’ve loved, and who’ve taught
You to be who you are now,
But once their work’s done,
It’s goodbye from them,
And so on, you must run,
To a brand new beginning,
Which will end in goodbyes.
Yet further partings
To try on for size.
For people like me,
Who find farewells so tough,
A stream of hellos
Cannot feel like enough
To fill in the dark hole
And to quench the deep need,
To grip on to the ankles,
Of those parting at speed.
Each new hello,
Is a goodbye to come.
That’s why meeting new friends,
Sometimes makes me feel glum.
By Pooky H
The Lonely Introvert: It seems like an oxymoron at first. How can people who desire time alone and often thrive working by themselves get lonely? Fairly easily, actually.
People are social creatures whether introverted or extroverted, and need interactions with others. However for introverts, it’s not the quantity of social interactions they have that makes them feel socially satisfied, it’s the quality of those interactions.
As Sophia Dembling explains in The Introvert’s Way, “Introverts don’t get lonely if they don’t socialize with a lot of people, but we do get lonely if we don’t have intimate interactions on a regular basis,”. This can be a blessing and a curse. Since introverts desire such a deep connection to feel fulfilled, it makes it difficult to find people to connect with.
I was always a quiet introvert with just a few close friends. I often feel lonely or bored at large parties – even if I know all the people there, the party atmosphere is not suitable for long conversations. Hanging out with strangers with loud music blaring and alcohol never appealed to me. My ideal social interaction would be a long conversation with a close friend in a quiet environment away from other people.
Unfortunately, such deep connections are not easy to find, and when I get caught short and my only choice is superficial socializing or nothing, I can get very lonely.
What about you? Do you ever feel lonely?