“Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it’s at the end of your arm…”
“No one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone. That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it…”
Credits: Image from Psychology Today
Have a HUGfull and stressFREE weekend
Dragging old baggage around with you can taint the most promising relationship. Living with someone who is carrying excess baggage can feel a little like walking on egg shells; never knowing what will trigger the next blow out. Since it is impossible for your partner to ever be perfect enough to not trigger your baggage, it is wise to unpack.
A few tips for unpacking your baggage are provided below:
1. Accept and release your anger. Accept that it is healthy to feel anger about negative experiences and losses. Accept that you feel angry for a reason, acknowledge that you have a right to feel how you feel. Then choose to deal constructively with your anger and find a way to release that feeling, rather than allowing it to turn to bitterness.
2. Rid yourself of reminders. Give back, give away, sell or discard the physical reminders of old hurts. If you are hanging onto stuff that brings you pain each time you use or see it, it may be time to clean house. It can be helpful as a symbolic way to say I am choosing to let go of the past, or to free myself from its grasp.
3. Break the pattern. Carrying old baggage can mean that your partner gets painted with the same brush as your ex. If they say or do anything that even reminds you of something from the past, all that build up hurt and anger falls on them like a ton of bricks. Choose to be in the present and to deal with your current relationship and remember that your partner is not your ex or your parents or whoever else hurt you in the past.
4. Forgive yourself. It is important to accept responsibility for the hurtful things that you did or said in past relationships and to learn from mistakes that you made. Remember that you are only responsible for things that you can control. Choose to learn from your past and forgive yourself, rather than beating yourself up. Accept that, in whatever situation you found yourself, you did the best you could at the time.
5. Forgive others. Forgiving those who have hurt you frees you from carrying their baggage with you. You do not forgive them because they deserve to be forgiven or to give them peace of mind; you forgive them because you deserve to be free of them and you deserve peace of mind. Forgiveness can be difficult and sometimes takes years, but it really is the most effective way to unpack your baggage.
Get help if needed. If you strongly feel that your past is interfering with your present and stopping you from having the future that you want, it may be wise to seek help from a professional. Sometimes your partner can help you unpack and sometimes you just need a little extra help.
From Unpack Your Baggage for a Great Relationship
by Susan Derry
There are two types of people
You’ll find in this world;
Those that grow young,
And those that grow old.
The old growing type,
Are not very much fun,
They become quite inactive,
Avoiding hot sun.
They complain of misfortunes
Like bad backs and poor stocks,
And soon they need help
With their food and their socks.
But the young growing type
Are a different affair,
They grow ever more fun,
Despite sticks and grey hair.
No longer tied down
To their work every day,
They see their retirement
As a great time to play.
They jet off on adventures,
And plan fun-filled days,
And never become
At all set in their ways.
Life is too short to be normal.
Stay weird and never stop having funnnn….
Image 1 from http://pattilousquilts.blogspot.co.nz
Scheherazade was the famed storyteller of The One Thousand and One Nights.
According to the frame tale of The One Thousand and One Nights, many years ago, the king in ancient Persia discovered that his wife had been cheating on him. In his anger and disappointment, he had his wife executed, vowing to marry a virgin every day and ordering her to be executed after the wedding night! He consequently married and executed all the young women in the kingdom until his chief advisor’s daughter, Scheherazade, asked her father if she could marry the king. Her father, deeply concerned about his daughter’s safety, tried to persuade her against this, but she had a plan and persisted.
Scheherazade was a beautiful, well-read and intelligent young woman who was a gifted storyteller, weaving stories with spiritual and moral lessons for her listeners. Following her marriage to the king, on their wedding night, she captivated him with a story that went on late into the night, causing the king to allow her a stay of execution in order to finish her story the following evening. The clever Scheherazade continued to weave ever more fantastic and adventure-filled stories, each night leaving the king on tenter-hooks to discover what happened next.
And so the King kept Scheherazade alive as he eagerly anticipated each new story, until, one thousand and one adventurous nights, and three sons later, the king eventually let go of his fear of women, fell in love with the beautiful Scheherazade … and they both lived happily ever after …
Spotted this poster on Facebook today. So true and so well said…. It is so important to keep an eye on the nearest and dearest, talk to them about it and share our experiences…
Just a few months ago we received a note from our children’s college – a young man of their age ended his life. One of my children knew him – he was in the same year…. Then my other son, who lives at the University Hall of residence, mentioned that he decided to become Resident Assistant (RA) so he could help younger students who are struggling… They already had cases of students cutting themselves there…
There were times I just wished I could run away and hide – I was still laughing, I was still joking… Glad there were people in my life who helped me get through it, who helped me find my way…
Feeling depressed or suicidal is not a character defect, flaw or weakness. Lots of people who were experiencing depression or suicidal thoughts have no history of mental illnesses, drugs or alcohol abuse. It is just sometimes people get lost in life and can’t see another way… Listen to them carefully and help them gently to get back onto their feet and find their way…
We all can make a difference in someone’s life…