Take off the mask and let your true self shine

Transparency and authenticity are buzz words that are heard a lot nowadays, but the actual practice of being honest, open, and even emotionally raw in a relationship is no easy task. On some level we are all facing that fear – afraid of being seen for who we truly are. Afraid of seeing ourselves for who we really are…

When we continually lock out our partners and refuse to let them know who we really are “behind the mask,” we limit intimacy, hamper communication, and create barriers to a fulfilled relationship.

According to Dr Gary Brown, “Being vulnerable in relationships is really opening your heart and letting your partner know your true self. It’s the warts and all. It’s those secret parts of yourself that you may have never shared with your partner…or maybe anyone else for that matter.

It’s the stuff that has stayed hidden away that you really don’t want to say – too scared to say — but maybe are thinking. It’s surrounded by the “if I share this stuff” my friend/partner/lover won’t like me/love me/will want to leave me.

And that is why being vulnerable with our inner world is directly linked to overcoming our fear of how our loved one may react. That is why vulnerability requires the courage to be truly authentic and real, letting your friend/partner/lover know all the sides of you, even the icky parts alongside the fear of the reveal.

Being vulnerable can be really scary. But it is the single most thing that will create trust and deep connection for a relationship to go the distance.

In a healthy relationship, both partners have a sense of connection and trust. Vulnerability creates emotional (and sometimes physical) intimacy and a closeness because you can feel safe to be your true self. It’s what creates a deeper sense of love and understanding.

In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen, really seen. And that, understandably, can feel emotionally risky….

To know that you are seen and loved for simply being your full self, to be with someone else in all of their vulnerability and love them for all that they are may just be one of life’s most fulfilling experiences. When you feel yourself starting to shut down out of fear in your relationship, notice if you can make the choice to be courageous and embrace vulnerability.”

Credits:

• Image 1 from the Freemasonrymatters.co.uk
• Image 2 from Take Off The Mask Quotes

What is your part?

All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts…

(From Shakespeare’s ‘As You Like It’, 1600)

What is your part?

THE END

Image 1: ‘All the world’s a stage’ by Vitaly Vorobiev
Image 2: from http://sometimesalicefx.deviantart.com

Do you have such special person in your life?

From https://soulgatherings.files.wordpress.com

Oh, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person:
having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words,
but pour them all out, as they are, chaff and grain together,
knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them,
keep what is worth keeping,
and then, with the breath of kindness,
blow the rest away.

~ George Eliot, 1819 – 1880 ~
English Novelist

 

Do you have such special person in your life?

 

THE END

Authentic Communication

From http://hr.toolbox.com

 Authentic communication is not always easy, but it is the basis of successful relationships at home and real effectiveness at work. Yet people constantly back away from honesty to protect themselves and others.

As Sheryl Sandberg points out, this reticence causes and perpetuates all kinds of problems: uncomfortable issues that never get addressed, resentment that builds, unfit managers who get promoted rather than fired, and on and on. Often these situations don’t improve because no one tells anyone what is really happening. We are so rarely brave enough to tell the truth…

From The Grumpy Poet

However, authentic communication is not simply about saying what we think at all costs. Communication works best when we combine appropriateness with authenticity, finding the sweet spot where opinions are not brutally honest but delicately honest. Speaking truth fully without hurting feelings comes naturally to some and is an acquired skill for others.

 From http://vinylzart.com

Communicaid identifies the following key elements of authentic communication:

• Take responsibility for your communication and this means not only for what you say but also ensuring it has been fully understood.  You need to have ownership of the message and be responsible for any fall-out or negative response.
• Be clear in your use of language so that you are not misinterpreted.  Avoid ambiguous language and technical or specialist jargon that may not be understood.
• Tell the truth – make sure your facts are accurate and don’t make false promises or leave people to make assumptions that are misplaced.  Also be wary of not making promises that you will not be able to deliver on.
• Don’t over-generalise or make sweeping statements such as, ‘Nobody thinks it’s a good idea’ or ‘This always happens’.
• Work with the facts and be aware of the difference between your subjective opinions and the objective facts.  Avoid second guessing and making assumptions about what others are feeling, thinking or meaning.  If in doubt, ask for clarification.
• Build a connection with the people you are communicating with.  Show them that you care and are interested in them.
• Be consistent both in what you say but also how you follow up.  Your words should match your actions and you should always endeavour to do what you say you will do within the timeframe you have promised
• Create mutual understanding by being prepared to share a little bit about yourself and by being curious about others.  Empathise with other perspectives and always try to imagine yourself in the others’ shoes.
• Build your self-awareness and keep learning about yourself.  Be aware of your own judgements and prejudices and the obstacles that prevent you from communicating authentically.  Monitor your own negative responses and learn to manage your reactions to certain triggers.

From http://www.webbstar.net

In addition to creating better relationships, building trust, managing conflict more effectively and improving team spirit, authenticity helps to create happier, more self-confident and open individuals.

THE END

Blogging for authenticity in the world of fake smiles

From https://psyport.files.wordpress.com

We long for acceptance, love, and connection. But often we don’t know how to create it in the world full of fake smiles and empty greetings. In the world of sweet dreams where everybody’s looking for something…

I think this longing for authentic communication is what drives people to blogging, both as bloggers and as readers.

In the blogosphere, we do not know each other personally, so we don’t get distracted with the usual ‘surface’ features like age, gender, social-economic status, ethnicity and therefore don’t get blinded by the usual stereotypes and prejudices. We can take off the mask and be more real and genuine without fear of repercussions.

From http://www.tribal-truth.com

 The creative side of blogging also gives us plenty of room for exploration. Like writers, getting in the ‘skin’ of different characters in their books, we can explore how we might have felt if…, or what we might have done if… We can move away from the logic of the everyday routine life and let our imagination roam free.

From http://lawofattractionatoz.com

 What is so special for you in writing blogs?

Or why do you keep reading?

 

THE END

The Joy of Simplicity

From http://www.123inspiration.com

Have you ever seen that image of Dale Irby, a retired physical education teacher from Dallas (Texas) who has sported the same outfit in every yearbook photo for forty years? It started out back in 1973, then his wife dared him to do it again the next year…

I absolutely adore that image. I find the simplicity of Dale’s outfit so beautiful. It reminds me so much my dear husband whose outfit hardly ever changed over the almost 20 years I knew him. It reflects so well the philosophy of minimalism and simplicity we are trying to instill in our children. Unnecessary possessions are unnecessary burdens. There is great freedom in simplicity of living.

Minimalism in my view is not about owning nothing, but about nothing owning us. It is about removing unnecessary distractions to allow us to focus on what really matters. It is about just being yourself. If someone does not appreciate our true beings, why spending money on the things we don’t need just to impress them?

The world we live in is not friendly to the pursuit of minimalism. Its tendencies and relentless advertising campaigns call us to acquire more, better, faster, trendier and newer. The journey of finding simplicity requires consistent inspiration.

Do you like simplicity in your life?
What is your source for inspiration?

From http://om.symphonyoflove.net

THE END

Vulnerability and authenticity: the courage to take off the mask

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and be . If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” 

Brené Brown, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead

From The Vulnerability of Growing Up

As Christine Hassler notes in her article The Power of Vulnerability “most of us can relate to times when we expressed an emotion and it was not received well, so we develop suppression techniques. Although it may seem like we are protecting ourselves, suppressing our expression erects walls around our hearts and reinforces beliefs about it not being safe to share our genuine feelings with another. As a result, we form relationships that are based more on fear than love. Rather than being truly authentic with others, we become strategic. Vulnerability is discounted because it just feels too risky….

From The Sky is Falling

But we cannot truly experience the delicious emotions that a relationship offers if we are not authentic. I invite you to read the word “intimacy” as “into-me-see.” We create intimacy with others when we allow ourselves to be seen. Vulnerability is our way to break patterns of avoiding being truly seen for fear of how we will be received. If you are protecting and guarding yourself, you are unavailable for intimacy…

From Raw for Beauty

Don’t let fear stop you when it comes to being raw and real with others. To fully feel the love and connection we all yearn for, vulnerability is required. Think of someone you feel very close to. There have been times when you have shared a feeling with that person that felt risky to expose, yet when it was received with love, rather than judgment, your relationship got stronger. Vulnerability connects us. It is a great gift we give to another person when we let them see behind any masks or walls of emotional protection.”

From Taking Off Your Mask

* * *

In Daring Greatly, Dr. Brown challenges everything we think we know about vulnerability. Based on twelve years of research, she argues that vulnerability is not weakness, but rather our clearest path to courage, engagement, and meaningful connection.

THE END