As Rivka Levy points out in The Relationship Priorities Matrix, “One of the biggest causes of stress is when we end up putting people who are low-priority ahead of those who should be top priority. Take that needy friend who is on the phone tying up your time and attention for hours while your kids start going bananas because you didn’t manage to get supper on the table, help them with their homework or maybe, even just say ‘hi’ to them and spend 5 minutes catching up on their day at school…”
Think about your relationship priorities matrix and prioritise your time and attention accordingly.
Typical relationship priority matrix for a couple with children is provided below.
“The idea behind it is pretty simple. The lower the number, the higher the priority. And if you’re spending a bunch of time and energy on people who are in the outer rings – at the expense of people who are in your ‘inner circles’ – then that for sure is going to be causing you some massive stress. And it may well be time to rethink what’s going on…”
What is your relationship priorities matrix and how do you prioritise your time?
Source: The Relationship Priorities Matrix,
Depends how much they irritate me, lol
Well I am a poor example. My family was very small and we were mostly separated geographically. By the time I turned 50 all but one of my older relatives were gone so the remaining one took up all my attention. He was one who had caused me serious problems but still I felt obligated. After he was gone I turned my full attention to animals that never hurt me and now I have withdrawn into the countryside and have found peace.
Need. As an example, if my No 1 priority wife is constantly barraging me with unrealistic wants and needs, if I attend those I am reinforcing those very things. But if a friend is in the middle of a divorce and in a mess, I would give them that priority over her. It may even seem unfair but…we all do this in ‘our’ perspectives of what we feel are our priorities. When we find ‘us’ eventually, we can see more clearly what are ‘truths’ or not and change our perspectives and those decisions accordingly. Good post 😀❤️🙏🏽
Very good point, Mark. When somebody in our close circle is going through tough times, out priorities should readjust accordingly for a period of time. As an example, if my mother-in-law is unwell, of course she needs to be my partner’s priority…. Sometimes also a discussion needs to be held about what’s reasonable and what’s unreasonable, as people might have different views on that….
Ooh, I’ve had some of those discussions, and didn’t they bring some things into the light…that I thought I knew…but didn’t at all. Great post dear lady, may there always be those talks 🤣❤️🙏🏽
As a former “fixer” I used to put too much attention on people who I shouldn’t have and not enough on the people who needed me. I’ve learned a lot since then.