Men are as you wish to see them…

Spotted the following quote on Facebook today:

IgnoringIt made me think… Would I ignore the red flags? I think I would. Why? Because….

“Men are as you wish to see them, look at them in kindness and you will do good both to them and to yourself. They will become better, and you too. It is simple, isn’t it?”

( from ‘The Fisherman’s Behest‘ by Maxim Gorky, 1913 )

Father_and_son

What about you?

THE END

Credits: Photo by autos

 

The most romantic love story…

Romantic love grandma granddad

According to the “Happy ever after” romantic myths and fairy tales one only has to find a special partner and everything will be happy ever after. Supported by novels, songs, movies, television & magazines, this “Happy ever after” meme became one of the most pervasive viruses  of the mind in the 20th century. Although romantic love like this is mother nature’s way of attracting men and women to each other, love alone is not anywhere near enough for a life-long stable relationship. What else is required for a healthy long-term relationship?

Dr. Stephanie Sarkis suggests the following 7 keys to a healthy and happy relationship:

1. Mutual Respect
If you don’t have this – well, it’s going to be a tough road. This doesn’t mean you agree with everything your partner says or does. It does mean that you have admiration for each other, and steady undercurrent of love and trust throughout your relationship. You also have each other’s back. Abuse, whether it is physical, verbal, or emotional, defies mutual respect in every way, shape and form.  You have to have mutual respect to have a healthy relationship.

2. Arguing, not fighting
I’ve never seen a healthy couple that doesn’t argue. They never fight, however.  If a couple comes into my office and tells me they’ve never argued, something isn’t quite right. You can argue without fighting.  Arguing is non-combative – you and your partner state your points of view without name-calling or raising your voice.  Sometimes you agree to disagree – and that’s okay.

3. Agreement on Sex
You’re both okay with how often you have sex, how you have sex, where you have sex…and there’s mutual participation.  Sex is not withheld as a punishment.  And if you or your partner are not comfortable with any aspect of your sex life, you can talk about it openly, without criticism.

4. Agreement on Parenting
If the two of you don’t agree on a parenting style, you need to talk. You may have each grown up with different parenting styles – and we each tend to parent the same way we were parented.  If you don’t have kids yet but are thinking about it, you must, must, must have this conversation with your partner.

5. Equality with Money
Money is one of the major causes of frustration in marriage and family relationships therefore the skill of financial harmony is essential for healthy long-term relationship. Understanding and respecting the value that each partner places on money as well as open communication are important for developing financial harmony. Even if one of you makes more money than the other, you both have an equal say about where your money goes. There are no “hidden accounts”, and you decide together before you make large purchases.

6. Common Goals and Values
Couples with very different interests can have healthy relationships – what counts is that they share common goals and values.  Couples of different religions (or non-religion) and cultural backgrounds can have healthy relationships – what makes a healthy relationship is sharing core beliefs.  You may both share the belief that giving back to your community is important. You may both share the belief that extended family members are welcome to live with you at any time. Values and beliefs differ for everyone.

Common goals include intangibles like raising happy and healthy children, and tangibles like saving up for a house.  You can work together on setting one-year, five-year, even ten- and twenty-year goals.  Working towards something together strengthens your bond.

7. Fun
“Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that’s a real treat.” – Joanne Woodward. Enough said. Make time to have fun.  Life gets too serious without receiving regular doses of humour. 🙂

love-old-coupleFrom Love Never Fades

THE END

Just be yourself…

“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players.…”
(From Shakespeare’s ‘As You Like It’, 1600)

Maskfrom http://sometimesalicefx.deviantart.com

On some level we are all facing fear – afraid of being seen for who we truly are. Afraid of seeing ourselves for who we really are…

As Christine Hassler notes in her article The Power of Vulnerability “most of us can relate to times when we expressed an emotion and it was not received well, so we develop suppression techniques. Although it may seem like we are protecting ourselves, suppressing our expression erects walls around our hearts and reinforces beliefs about it not being safe to share our genuine feelings with another. As a result, we form relationships that are based more on fear than love…

Lonely CoupleFrom YouTube

But we cannot truly experience the delicious emotions that a relationship offers if we are not authentic. I invite you to read the word “intimacy” as “into-me-see”. We create intimacy with others when we allow ourselves to be seen. Vulnerability is our way to break patterns of avoiding being truly seen for fear of how we will be received. If you are protecting and guarding yourself, you are unavailable for intimacy…

PictureFrom Raw for Beauty

Don’t let fear stop you when it comes to being raw and real with others. To fully feel the love and connection we all yearn for, vulnerability is required. Think of someone you feel very close to. There have been times when you have shared a feeling with that person that felt risky to expose, yet when it was received with love, rather than judgment, your relationship got stronger. Vulnerability connects us. It is a great gift we give to another person when we let them see behind any masks or walls of emotional protection.”
Couple
From http://abstract.desktopnexus.com/wallpaper/650168/

“Just be yourself. Let people see the real, imperfect, flawed, quirky, weird, beautiful, magical person that YOU are.”
Mandy Hale


The Arena
Don’t judge yourself and don’t care what others think…
Your life is your arena: eliminate all fears and self-doubt and enter it with confidence and self-worth.
Just be yourself and follow your passions and dreams…

THE END

 

Are You Lonely in Your Relationship?

LonelinessFrom http://healthythoughts.in/

Loneliness is a very painful feeling… You might believe that the people who feel lonely are people who are not in a relationship, but as Margaret Paul points out, just as often, they are lonely in their relationship. Being in a relationship does not always take away loneliness – it often causes it…

I lived with that feeling in my relationship for 20 years, got used to doing everything alone and thought I was fine… But one day my 19-year old son gave me a hug and said: “I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me and my brothers all on your own.”… That stopped me in my tracks…. Never thought that my children felt that all those years, that they realised that something was not quiet right…

I would not call that relationship unsuccessful though. It gave me three wonderful children and certainly taught me what I do not want in any other relationship I’ll ever have…

Relationship

 Do you ever feel lonely in your relationship?

 THE END

Hold me…

When I’m hurting,
Hold me,
And never let me go.
The longer that you hold me,
The more I come to know
That it’s true,
You really love me,
And you care if I’m okay,
There’s just one way
To teach me that
And holding me’s the way.

Your words mean far less to me,
Because anyone can say
‘I love you’
But to show it
Is a harder game to play.
So when I hurt, please hold me
Nice and tightly to your chest.
When I hurt, your cuddles
Are the balm that works the best.

Zutara- Hold me tight. by EmoCutie1997

Poem by PookyH.
Image 1 from Psychology Today
Image 2 from Deviant Art

ENDS