Is YOUR VOICE heard and respected at home?

“My wife sent me to the supermarket to buy a fabric softener. Well, actually I was told to take a photo of the shelf of softeners and send it over: apparently, I am not qualified to choose which one to buy. So I came up to the shelf and started taking photos. Suddenly a man nearby pointed at me with his phone and said, “I can send you my photos of all the softeners here. With WhatsApp. I have a full gallery. Each bottle is a close-up from both sides.” I replied, ”No, thanks. I was just told to send the full shelf without close-ups.“ ”Clear. Lucky man…” I laughed, “Something like that, but thanks for your offer anyway. Great idea with WhatsApp.” The man smiled and said, “Sure, but the idea is not mine. See that man taking photos of detergents? He sent the photos to me. And my photo session of baby food starts now. Have fun!”

From 15 Overheard Life Stories Charged With Optimism

 

It is very well known that men generally do not like to ‘sweat the small stuff’. Therefore they are often happy to leave routine domestic decision-making to women and are often putting a great deal of their energy into placating the women in their lives in order to keep their world manageable.

Celia Lashlie however identified some areas of concern in her book “He’ll be OK”:

“The principal told me again and again that when two parents come in for a chat because their boy’s in trouble, it’s the norm for the mother to do all the talking. The principal looks towards the father and it’s obvious he has something to say, an opinion to offer, but she won’t shut up long enough for him to actually say it…. I thought it might be an overly prejudiced view, so decided to investigate a little further. The opportunity to do so arose when I found myself in front of a group of fathers.

‘Listen guys, I just want to check something out with you. Apparently when you and your wife are in the principal’s office because your son’s in a spot of bother and you’ve been called to the school, you’re really quiet, you just don’t talk.’

‘No,’ came the reply from one man.

‘Why not?’

‘Because I’ll get it wrong.’

Somewhat naively, I replied, ‘No, you can’t get it wrong, he’s your boy.’

‘Oh no,’ he said, looking straight at me, a now-familiar look of resignation on his face, ‘I’ll get it wrong… and I’ll get a pull-through when I get home.’

As he said this, several heads in the room nodded, the men seeming to relish the fact that someone had identified a situation with which they were all very familiar…

After a bit more discussion on this topic with the men, I headed back to talk to their wives and partners and, as I did so, I found myself thinking that the views expressed by the men were probably a little unfair and would offend the women I was about to talk to. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

‘The guys have just told me that when they’re in the principal’s office with you, they don’t talk because they’ll get it wrong.’

One woman didn’t even hesitate; she looked straight at me and without the slightest hint of the embarrassment I was expecting, she said, ‘He will.’

‘And he reckons he’ll get a pull-through when he gets home?’

‘I won’t wait that long – I’ll get him in the car.’

There seemed to be universal agreement with her comments and the conversation continued with one woman saying, ‘I take him to parent-teacher evenings, but he just won’t talk.’ By this time I was thinking, Yes, and I think I’m beginning to see why, so I said, ‘Well, there’s one possible solution.’

‘What’s that?’

‘You could send him by himself, then he’s going to have to talk.

At that moment the entire group of intelligent, articulate middle-class women looked as if I’d just asked them to eat a snake. (No power and control issues here, I thought to myself!)”…

THE END

Credits:

• Image 1 from the Today’s the best day
• Image 2 from pininterest
• Image 3 from Bookworm room.

If she’s an apple and you’re an orange…

Photo by Trang Doan on Pexels.com

 

“If she’s an apple and you’re an orange, celebrate your differences. Make a great fruit salad. Love isn’t about being the same, it’s about being sweet to each other…”

Jonathan Lockwood Huie

 

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Do you feel understood and fully accepted?

Feeling understood and fully accepted as you are is crucial to your well-being and enduring sense of security. Let’s consider a few reasons why:

1. You’re known.

When you experience being misunderstood, the connection between you and the other person is (however temporarily) severed. You’re by yourself, “dis-joined,” cut off.

2. Your identity is confirmed.

Having others see you as you want and need to be seen verifies your sense of self. It assures you that who you believe you are is understandable and acceptable. To feel truly “gotten” is to feel deeply, rewardingly validated.

3. You belong.

Feeling understood connects you to others, allowing you to feel welcome.

4. You’re part of something larger than yourself.

We all need to feel that we’re related to a community of (at least relatively) like-minded individuals. Such an expanded perception of self helps to make our lives feel more meaningful, more purposeful — and it contributes to a sense of personal value as well.

5. You’re accepted.

Feeling understood is in many ways tantamount to feeling accepted as you are.

6. You’re empowered.

If you feel understood, you’re not groping your way in the darkness. With others’ respectful willingness to recognize you and your intentions, you’re empowered to attempt, and accomplish, things that you otherwise might not be driven to do.

7. You understand yourself better.

If someone says, “So, in other words, it sounds as though you must believe [X] because you seem to be implying [Y],” it’s quite possible that their synopsis of what you shared actually goes beyond what you yourself had realized. In adding something of their own intuition and experience to your utterance, they may help you better comprehend the deeper, more personal ramifications of what you’re communicating.

8. You experience more satisfaction in your relationships.

Feeling understood prompts you to relate more fully to others, to show more willingness to be open and vulnerable with them. As Carl Nassar (“The Importance of Feeling Understood”) astutely observes: “When we feel understood . . . we show [others] our true selves—flaws and all. In turn, they are more likely to be vulnerable and honest with us. This helps us connect . . . on a deeper level, improving the quality of our relationships.”

9. It becomes easier for you to accept yourself

When you feel truly understood, it becomes easier to accept yourself just as you are. If others can understand you and accept who you are, you should be able to, as well.

10. You’re shielded from the depths of depression.

Depression is closely tied to feelings of separation and estrangement. So feeling understood and connected to those around us may be one of the best safeguards from entering this so torturous, agonizing state.

The first criteria of a fulfilling relationship is to be truly understood by another person without trying too hard. And the second is to be accepted without judgment for who we truly are. Understanding and acceptance are the essentials of any fulfilling relationship…

Do you feel understood and fully accepted
OR
Do you need to compromise the REAL YOU to be loved…?

THE END

Source:

• Psychology Today
• The importance of feeling understood
• The joy of being understood and accepted

One day, you’ll be just a memory for some people…

THE END

The most important thing in communication…

Photo by Yuting Gao on Pexels.com

“The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.”

Peter F. Drucker

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Men are as you wish to see them…

Spotted the following quote on Facebook today:

It made me think… Would I ignore the red flags? I think I would. Why? Because….

“Men are as you wish to see them, look at them in kindness and you will do good both to them and to yourself. They will become better, and you too. It is simple, isn’t it?”

( from ‘The Fisherman’s Behest‘ by Maxim Gorky, 1913 )

What about you?

THE END

Credits: Photo by autos

 

The most romantic love story…

According to the “Happy ever after” romantic myths and fairy tales one only has to find a special partner and everything will be happy ever after. Supported by novels, songs, movies, television & magazines, this “Happy ever after” meme became one of the most pervasive viruses  of the mind in the 20th century. Although romantic love like this is mother nature’s way of attracting men and women to each other, love alone is not anywhere near enough for a life-long stable relationship. What else is required for a healthy long-term relationship?

Dr. Stephanie Sarkis suggests the following 7 keys to a healthy and happy relationship:

1. Mutual Respect
If you don’t have this – well, it’s going to be a tough road. This doesn’t mean you agree with everything your partner says or does. It does mean that you have admiration for each other, and steady undercurrent of love and trust throughout your relationship. You also have each other’s back. Abuse, whether it is physical, verbal, or emotional, defies mutual respect in every way, shape and form.  You have to have mutual respect to have a healthy relationship.

2. Arguing, not fighting
I’ve never seen a healthy couple that doesn’t argue. They never fight, however.  If a couple comes into my office and tells me they’ve never argued, something isn’t quite right. You can argue without fighting.  Arguing is non-combative – you and your partner state your points of view without name-calling or raising your voice.  Sometimes you agree to disagree – and that’s okay.

3. Agreement on Sex
You’re both okay with how often you have sex, how you have sex, where you have sex…and there’s mutual participation.  Sex is not withheld as a punishment.  And if you or your partner are not comfortable with any aspect of your sex life, you can talk about it openly, without criticism.

4. Agreement on Parenting
If the two of you don’t agree on a parenting style, you need to talk. You may have each grown up with different parenting styles – and we each tend to parent the same way we were parented.  If you don’t have kids yet but are thinking about it, you must, must, must have this conversation with your partner.

5. Equality with Money
Money is one of the major causes of frustration in marriage and family relationships therefore the skill of financial harmony is essential for healthy long-term relationship. Understanding and respecting the value that each partner places on money as well as open communication are important for developing financial harmony. Even if one of you makes more money than the other, you both have an equal say about where your money goes. There are no “hidden accounts”, and you decide together before you make large purchases.

6. Common Goals and Values
Couples with very different interests can have healthy relationships – what counts is that they share common goals and values.  Couples of different religions (or non-religion) and cultural backgrounds can have healthy relationships – what makes a healthy relationship is sharing core beliefs.  You may both share the belief that giving back to your community is important. You may both share the belief that extended family members are welcome to live with you at any time. Values and beliefs differ for everyone.

Common goals include intangibles like raising happy and healthy children, and tangibles like saving up for a house.  You can work together on setting one-year, five-year, even ten- and twenty-year goals.  Working towards something together strengthens your bond.

7. Fun
“Sexiness wears thin after a while and beauty fades, but to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that’s a real treat.” – Joanne Woodward. Enough said. Make time to have fun.  Life gets too serious without receiving regular doses of humour. 🙂

From Love Never Fades

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