Tag Archives: Child

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Dad’s love and intuition

Father

My father never told me… he was not a talkative man… but the way he looked at me, the way he treated me made me feel that way. I never stop admiring how my dad seemed to always intuitively know what was the best for me, without reading any fancy parenting books or having any teaching degrees. I never stopped feeling his silent love.

At the time when men were rarely actively involved in parenting, my dad was always there for me, taking me for long walks, bathing me, putting me to sleep, calming all my fears… And I was a very fearful child scared of everything imaginable: darkness, heights, being alone, fights and arguments, snakes, worms, caterpillars, mice and rats to name a few…

Protection

Dad always asked the right questions, listened without making any assumptions or twisting the meaning of what he heard. Even when he disagreed, he rarely argued – he always found another way… Like the time when I saw him chopping the wood and then picked up his axe. “Don’t touch my axe”, he said. “Why? If you can chop the wood, why can’t I?” “Because you are not much bigger than that axe and I don’t want you to chop your head off”, he patiently explained. “Don’t worry,” I laughed. “My head is probably the only part of my body that I’ll never be able to chop off.” He did not argue, but made sure no axe was ever left within my reach…

Eye

Dad never used gender stereotypes. He never told me that I am a girl and therefore should behave or do things in a certain way. He just accepted me the way I was, without trying to mould me into anything else. It felt like a breath of fresh air, a welcome break from my mum’s and grandma’s constant nagging: “You are a girl, so you should be dressed like this, you should talk like that, you should do this and don’t do that….” I could never quite comprehend where my mum and grandma got all those dos and don’ts, which somehow I always managed to get wrong…

Girl

While my dad rarely expressed himself in words, he had other ways of getting his point across. His communication toolbox included not only admiring looks, but also silent staring, rolling eyes, raised eyebrows, all sorts of winks and a million of other facial expressions. I’m sure, there were some pulled hair too every now and then…

Staring

While parenting my own children, I met a lot of truly amazing dads and learnt lots more from them than from any parenting books or my teaching degrees. I never stopped admiring their creativity, ability to make any activity fun, patience, intuition and perfectly balanced approach to setting boundaries to provide maximum opportunities for challenges and freedom while keeping all risks under control.

Father and daughter

It never stops puzzling me however that so many dads rarely recognise their amazing parenting abilities and intuition and are often quick to retreat and silence their views on parenting. Something that Celia Lashlie also noted in her book “He’ll be OK”.

Do not doubt your parenting skills. Follow your heart, trust your intuition and have fun.

Children do change us and our lives in lots of ways. Enjoy this special period in your life, treasure all the wonderful moments you are having with your children and stop pulling out your hair over not-so-wonderful ones….

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Be like a child…

“Be like a child – clear, loving, spontaneous, infinitely flexible and ready each moment to wonder and accept a miracle.”

Mother Meera

grayscale photo of toddler smiling

Photo by Jessica Lewis on Pexels.com

“Just because we’re adults, that doesn’t mean we have to make life all about work. Learn how play can benefit your relationships, job, and mood.

In our hectic, modern lives, many of us focus so heavily on work and family commitments that we never seem to have time for pure fun. Somewhere between childhood and adulthood, we stopped playing… But play is not just essential for kids; it can be an important source of relaxation and stimulation for adults as well.

Playing with your romantic partner, friends, co-workers, pets, and children is a sure (and fun) way to fuel your imagination, creativity, problem-solving abilities, and emotional well-being. Adult play is a time to forget about work and commitments, and to be social in an unstructured, creative way.

Play could be simply goofing off with friends, sharing jokes with a coworker, throwing a Frisbee on the beach, dressing up on Halloween with your kids, building a snowman in the yard, playing fetch with a dog, acting out charades at a party, or going for a bike ride with your spouse with no destination in mind. There doesn’t need to be any point to the activity beyond having fun and enjoying yourself. By giving yourself permission to play with the joyful abandon of childhood, you can reap oodles of health benefits throughout life.

Fun

The benefits of play

While play is crucial for a child’s development, it is also beneficial for people of all ages…

Play helps:

  • Relieve stress.
  • Improve brain function, prevent memory problems and ward off depression.
  • Stimulate the mind and boost creativity.
  • Improve relationships and your connection to others. Sharing laughter and fun can foster empathy, compassion, trust, and intimacy with others.
  • Keep you feeling young and energetic.

Play

Play and relationships

Play is one of the most effective tools for keeping relationships fresh and exciting. Playing together brings joy, vitality, and resilience to relationships. Play can also heal resentments, disagreements, and hurts. Through regular play, we learn to trust one another and feel safe.

Trust enables us to work together, open ourselves to intimacy, and try new things. By making a conscious effort to incorporate more humor and play into your daily interactions, you can improve the quality of your love relationships—as well as your connections with co-workers, family members, and friends.

  • Play helps develop and improve social skills.
  • Play teaches cooperation with others and is a powerful catalyst for positive socialization.
  • Play can heal emotional wounds.

healing

How to play more

Incorporating more fun and play into your daily life can improve the quality of your relationships, as well as your mood and outlook. Even in the most difficult of times, taking time away from your troubles to play or laugh can go a long way toward making you feel better.

It’s true what they say: laughter really is the best medicine. Laughter makes you feel good. And the positive feeling that comes from laughter and having fun remains with you even after the giggles subside. Play and laughter help you retain a positive, optimistic outlook through difficult situations, disappointments, and loss.

Laugh

Develop your playful side

It’s never too late to develop your playful, humorous side. If you find yourself limiting your playfulness, it’s possible that you’re self-conscious and concerned about how you’ll look and sound to others when attempting to be lighthearted.

Fearing rejection, embarrassment or ridicule when trying to be playful is understandable. Adults often worry that being playful will get them labeled as childish. But what is so wrong with that? Children are incredibly creative, inventive and are constantly learning. Wouldn’t you want to be childish if that is the definition? Remember that as a child, you were naturally playful; you didn’t worry about the reactions of other people. You can reclaim your inner child… The more you play, joke, and laugh—the easier it becomes….”

From The Benefits of Play for Adults

Fresh

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Parenting theories, lessons and tips

“Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children, and no theories.”

John Wilmot

I have three children only and a million of theories, which all turned out to be just a trial and error in practice. Parenting is as crazy as circumnavigating the world without a map…but, oh, what a journey, what an adventure! Journey that at times felt agonisingly frustrating and was driving me absolutely mad! Journey that helped me to get to know myself better and re-evaluate a lot of things in life. Journey that taught me:

  • to focus on enjoying the ride rather than getting to the destination
  • to stop being perfectionist: there are no perfect children, but there are plenty of perfect moments with them
  • to be kind to myself: after all the only ‘perfect’ parents are those who never had children…

And that journey does not end when they become adults. Today I came across an article on parenting adult children with some useful tips:

  • Recognise and respect your differences
  • Discover your own strengths and weaknesses as a parent
  • Let them learn from their own mistakes
  • Avoid making them choose between you and their family
  • No unsolicited advice – let them take their own decisions without interrupting them.

I would also add to this list ‘get your own life sorted’, take care of your own happiness and well-being. On airplanes we are always advised to put our oxygen mask first before helping our children? If we run out of oxygen ourselves, we can hardly provide any help to them…

What are your key parenting lessons or tips?

parenting-quote

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Happy Mother’s Day

Today we are celebrating Mother’s Day in our part of the world, so I decided to share one of my favourite videos called “Just Like Me”. It is amazing how many new things I’ve learned and new experiences I’ve tried while trying to ‘catch up’ with my children. For me, having children was a very empowering experience, that developed me a lot as a person. Hope your parenting journey is full of fun, love, laughter and smiles too 🙂

THE END

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My father didn’t tell me how to live; he lived, and let me watch him do it…

FatherFrom Facebook Covers

Today I watched one of the best movies I’ve ever seen called The Pursuit of Happyness. This film is based on Chris Gardner’s nearly one-year struggle with homelessness described in his memoir with the same title. At the age of twenty, Chris Gardner, just out of the Navy, arrived in San Francisco to pursue a promising career in medicine. Considered a prodigy in scientific research, he surprised everyone and himself by setting his sights on the competitive world of high finance. Yet no sooner had he landed an entry-level position at a prestigious firm than Gardner found himself caught in a web of incredibly challenging circumstances that left him as part of the city’s working homeless and with a toddler son. Motivated by the promise he made to himself as a fatherless child to never abandon his own children, the two spent almost a year moving among shelters, “HO-tels,” soup lines, and even sleeping in the public restroom of a subway station. Never giving in to despair, Gardner made an astonishing transformation from being part of the city’s invisible poor to being a powerful player in its financial district.

Loved this inspirational story of an amazing man who went through lots of hardships in life but never lost hope, never gave up and never abandoned his child.

I’ve met such man once in my life when I was working in an orphanage. He lost his wife and was left alone with 3 little children during the most turbulent period in Russia after the collapse of the USSR. He was working on a factory, but was paid nothing for 5 months. He had no money to feed his children, therefore he brought them to the orphanage so that they could get some food and clothes. He joined our orphanage as well as a night-time supervisor to stay close to his children. For a few months he kept working on a factory during the day while staying at the orphanage during the night, supervising children. As soon as he could, he took his children back home. Truly amazing man. Hope his children appreciate his hard work and caring heart…

Let’s honor such humble unsung heros who are working very hard to make this world a better place for their children.