Sons

I sometimes wish you were still small.
Not yet so big and strong and tall.
For when I think of yesterday.
I close my eyes and see you play.

I often miss that little boy
Who pestered me to buy a toy,
Who filled my days with pure delight
From early morn to late at night.

We watch our children change and grow
As seasons come then quickly go.
But our God has a perfect plan
To shape a boy into a man.

Today my son I’m proud of you
For all the thoughtful things you do.
I’ll love you till my days are done.
And I’m so grateful you’re my son.

by Larry Howland

Credits:

1. Image 1 from https://quotabulary.com/amazing-quotes-about-mother-son-relationship
2. Poem from https://quotesjoss.blogspot.com/2018/08/mother-son-inspirational-quotes.html
3. Image 2 from https://proudhappymama.com/30-beautiful-mother-and-son-quotes-and-sayings/

Movember to stop men dying too young

It is closing in on the end of Movember. We all have grown accustomed to the furry upper lips floating majestically around our offices and the city. Sadly they will soon be disappearing. With the month coming to an end comes a big ask: take the time this weekend to talk about health with a man that’s important to you. It doesn’t have to be a clinical interview; just taking the time to check-in can make a difference.

Across the world, men die an average six years younger than women, and for reasons that are largely preventable. Which means that it doesn’t have to be that way: we can all take action to live healthier, happier and longer lives.

From humble beginnings in Australia in 2003 supported by New Zealand in 2004, the Movember movement has grown to be a truly global one, inspiring support from over 5 million Mo Bros and Mo Sistas around the world. Movember’s initial focus on men’s health and prostate cancer expanded over the years to include testicular cancer, mental health and suicide prevention. Since 2003 1,250 men’s health projects have been funded by Movember, including:

• three-part series ‘Man Up’ that tackles gender stereotypes, the pressures of manhood, and why so many men are driven to suicide.
• the ‘Making Connections’ project delivered across multiple sites in the USA. This initiative connects men and boys within their communities to promote resilience across generations – working in particular with boys and men of colour, military members, veterans, and their families.

In 2016 Movember united with the National Breast Cancer Foundation Australia – funding research to transform the lives of both men and women. The move allows researchers to leverage genetic similarities between prostate, breast and ovarian cancers to create progress in treatment methods.

The Movember website has great resources about men’s health and how to start a conversation.

Let’s join our efforts to shine a light on the health risks men need to know about, increasing awareness to stop men dying too young…

THE END

Credits: All photos are from the Movember website.

Depression in men

Depression is an illness that affects both men and women. While men suffer from depression just as often as women, they are less likely to talk about it or ask for help.

Like women with depression, men with depression may:

• Feel sad, hopeless, worthless or empty
• Feel extremely tired
• Have difficulty sleeping or sleep too much
• Not get pleasure from activities usually enjoyed

Other behaviors in men that could be signs of depression include:

• Escapist behavior, such as spending a lot of time at work or on sports
• Physical symptoms, such as headaches, digestive problems and pain
• Problems with alcohol or drug use
• Controlling, violent or abusive behavior
• Irritability or inappropriate anger
• Risky behavior, such as reckless driving
• Weight increase or loss

Overeating — particularly the high-fat, low-nutrient foods people are more prone to binge eat — can lead to or worsen depression.

Men often turn to drugs or alcohol to try to cope with their emotional symptoms. Nearly one-third of people with major depression also have an alcohol problem. Often, the depression comes first with alcohol making it worse. Alcohol is a depressant. That means any amount you drink can make you more likely to get the blues. Drinking a lot can harm your brain and lead to depression.

Alcohol abuse and depression are both serious problems that you shouldn’t ignore. If you think you have a problem with either, talk to your doctor. There are lots of choices when it comes to medication that treats depression, and there are drugs that lower alcohol cravings and counter the desire to drink heavily. Depression, even if it’s severe, usually improves with medications or psychological counseling (psychotherapy) or both.

Other things that may help include:

• Spending time with other people and talking with a friend or relative about your feelings
• Increasing your level of physical activity and exercising  regularly
• Engaging in activities you typically enjoy, such as ball games, fishing or a hobby.
• Breaking up large tasks into small ones, and tackling what you can as you can. Don’t try to do too many things at once
• Delaying important decisions until you feel better. Discuss decisions with others who know you well.
• Keeping stable daily routines. For example, eating and going to bed at the same time every day.
• Having a balanced diet
• Avoiding alcohol

Have you ever battled depression?
What helped you the best in your battle?

THE END

Sources:

• Men and depression
• Male depression: understanding the issues
• Depression in men: understanding male depression
• Coping with depression and overeating
• Alcohol and depression

Credits:

• Image 1: https://www.pinterest.nz/pin/230035493447743855/
• Image 2: Photo by Nemechtatel 
• Image 3: The Depression Project
• Image 4: https://everydaypower.com/the-rock-quotes/

Are you being deeply understood, truly supported and completely and utterly loved?

“We had 11 truly joyful years of the deepest love, happiest marriage, and truest partnership that I could imagine … He gave me the experience of being deeply understood, truly supported and completely and utterly loved – and I will carry that with me always. Most importantly, he gave me the two most amazing children in the world…

Dave was my rock. When I got upset, he stayed calm. When I was worried, he said it would be ok. When I wasn’t sure what to do, he figured it out…” wrote Sheryl Sandberg in a moving tribute to her husband.

 

How many women are lucky to have such amazing, empowering and supportive men in their lives? Men, who empower them to achieve their full potential in life and do share the load of less glamorous family chores to support them. Men, who hear women’s voice and treat women’s choices with respect. Men who recognise that “if we tapped the entire pool of human resources and talent, our collective performance would improve… the achievements will extend beyond those individuals to benefit us all”.

As Sheryl Sandberg points out in her book Lean In, “women still face real obstacles in the professional world, including blatant and subtle sexism… Too few workplaces offer the flexibility and access to child care and parental leave that are necessary for pursuing a career while raising children. Plus, women have to prove themselves to a far greater extent than men do… A 2011 McKinsey report noted that men are promoted based on potential, while women are promoted based on past accomplishments.”

Sheryl also notes that “in addition to the external barriers erected by society women are hindered by barriers that exist within ourselves. We hold ourselves back in ways both big and small, by lacking self-confidence, by not raising out hands, and by pulling back when we should be leaning in. We internalize the negative messages we get throughout our lives… We lower our own expectations of what we can achieve.”

So true. I’ve observed that so often during my University years. While the majority of male students were charging in the exam rooms totally unprepared but still full of confidence, the best female students were spending days and nights preparing for exams, however were still trembling with fear of a failure.

After the exams male students often credited their success to their own innate qualities and skills, while female students often attributed success to good luck.  Interestingly enough, after a failed exam male students were often blaming bad luck, while female students were more likely to believe it was due to an inherent lack of ability.

While some women are happy to stay at home looking after their family and children, others might want to pursue career. In both cases they need to have a choice.

Unfortunately, as Sheryl Sandberg points out, while “professional ambition is expected of men” it is “optional – or worse, sometimes even negative – for women. “She is very ambitious” is not a compliment…

Men are continually applauded for being ambitious and powerful and successful, but women who display these same traits often pay a social penalty. Female accomplishments come at a cost….

The stereotype of a working woman is rarely attractive. Popular culture has long portrayed successful working women as so consumed by their careers that they have no personal life. If a female character divides her time between wok ad family, she is almost always harried and guilt ridden…”

While acknowledging biological and some psychological difference between men and women, it is important to recognise that, as Sheryl puts it, “in today’s world, where we no longer have to hunt in the wild for our food”, both men and women should be given a fair chance to make their own choices. ”

However “until women have supportive employers and colleagues as well as partners who share family responsibilities, they don’t have real choice. And until men are fully respected for contributing inside the home, they don’t have real choice either. Equal opportunity is not equal unless everyone receives the encouragement that makes seizing those opportunities possible. Only then can both men and women achieve their full potential. …

We all want the same thing: to feel comfortable with our choices and to feel validated by those around us. If more children see fathers at school pickups and mothers who are busy at jobs, both girls and boys will envision more options for themselves. Expectations will not be set by gender but by personal passion, talents, and interests…

My greatest hope is that my son and my daughter will be able to choose what to do with their lives without external or internal obstacles slowing them down or making them question their choices.”

Thanks Dave and Sheryl for giving us a real example of the deepest love, happiest marriage, and truest partnership in which you both were supporting each other in making your choices in life and reaching your full potential.

Are you being deeply understood, truly supported and
completely and utterly loved?

THE END

Image 1: from http://img-hd.com/dave-goldberg/
Image 2: from http://dailytechwhip.com
Image 3: from http://unitedtruthseekers.com/
Image 4: from Are You Discriminating Against Women Employees Without Even Knowing It?
Image 5: from http://what3words.tumblr.com
Image 6: from http://247moms.com
Image 7: from http://www.womenofchina.cn
Image 8: from https://queerguesscode.files.wordpress.com
Image 9: from http://www.theguardian.com

Men are as you wish to see them…

“Men are as you wish to see them, look at them in kindness and you will do good both to them and to yourself. They will become better, and you too. It is simple, isn’t it?”

( from ‘The Fisherman’s Behest‘ by Maxim Gorky, 1913 )

( Photo by autos )

THE END

Fathers in today’s modern families can be so many things…

“Fathers in today’s modern families can be so many things.”

Oliver Hudson

From http://www.wrightsmedia.com

“My friends Katie and Scott… are both Silicon Valley entrepreneurs who work full-time. About a year ago, Scott travelled to the East Coast for work. He was starting a late-morning meeting when his phone rang. His team only heard one side of the conversation.

“A sandwich, carrot sticks, a cut-up apple, pretzels, and a cookie,” Scott said. He hung up smiling and explained that his wife was asking what she should put in the kids’ lunch boxes. Everyone laughed. …

There’s an epilogue to their story. Scott went on a trip and discovered that Katie forgot to make the kids’ lunches altogether. She realized her slipup midmorning and solved the problem by having a pizza delivered to the school cafeteria. Their kids were thrilled, but Scott was not. Now when he travels, he packs lunches in advance and leaves notes with specific instructions for his wife…”

From ‘Lean in’ by Sheryl Sandberg

From Lunchbox dad

“The may be an evolutionary basis for one parent knowing better what to put in a child’s lunch. Women who breast-feed are arguable baby’s first lunch box. But even if mothers are more naturally inclined toward nurturing, fathers can match that skill with knowledge and effort…

We overcome biology with consciousness in other areas. For example, storing large amounts of fat was necessary to survive when food was scarce, so we evolved to crave it and consume it when it’s available. But in this era of plenty, we no longer need large amounts of fuel in reserve, so instead of simply giving in to this inclination, we exercise and limit caloric intake.

We use willpower to combat biology, or at least we try. So even if ‘mother knows best’ is rooted in biology, it need not be written in stone. A willing mother and a willing father are all it requires… As women must be more empowered at work, men must be more empowered at home.”

From ‘Lean in’ by Sheryl Sandberg

From Lunchbox dad

From http://www.lunchboxdad.com/

Let’s appreciate such truly amazing dads!

🙂

THE END

The Scare of Giggle Monsters

From a special report about giggling girls,
written by an adult man.
😉

From http://jdstonetalks.wordpress.com

“It starts innocently enough: a chortle here, a guffaw there. We’ve all had a chuckle or two in our lives, resulting from biological and social pressures that most of us outgrow, or at least learn to suppress. However, an increasing number of adults are coming forward to express their concerns about a dangerous trend that appears to be infiltrating the lives of teenage girls across the nation—fits of giggles that, in the eyes of this reporter, are no laughing matter.

From http://knowyourmeme.com

I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes just last week at the movies. A pack of teenage girls sat behind me, remaining quiet through the previews and the first four or five minutes of the film—until someone on screen told a joke, and they broke out in laughter. Laughter! At a film! I was appalled, so I gave them a look, but they continued to laugh at every joke in the film. It was like they thought they had the right to have fun. In public!

From http://www.liesyoungwomenbelieve.com

Apparently, the movies aren’t the only place where teenage girls have been laughing up a storm. The giggle fits have infiltrated our malls, our restaurants, our amusement parks, and even our schools, where they’re hidden from teachers on their cell phones through the usage of clever, adult-proof textual codes like “LOL” (an acronym that means “laughing out loud”).

Teenage girls are laughing with alarming frequency, and experts aren’t quite sure how to pinpoint the cause—or the cure for—their happiness.

From No Laughing Matter: What is happening to our teenage girls

Are you scared of giggle monsters?

😉

THE END

Patriarchy with a beaming smile

Russia, 1990s

From http://www.photosight.ru

When it comes to patriarchy, Victoria was a real guru.

“I fully support patriarchy,” she used to say. “Alex can make all the decisions as long as he is implementing them while I’m enjoying my book.”

Victoria loved reading. She had books everywhere in her flat, even in the toilet.

 
From http://www.photosight.ru

This definition was complemented with a very sophisticated framework of all the DOs and DON’Ts of respectable girls under ‘patriarchy’.

“What do you mean you need to go because Ivan is waiting for you? He can wait. Respectable girls DO NOT come on time – never ever,” she would say with a tone of authority in her voice.

From http://romanvinilov.ru

Victoria was not only always late. She also kept forgetting her stuff and then was frantically phoning Alex with her usual pleas: “Alex, Alex, can you please go to my flat and get that book, you know, that red one. It is on my desk, somewhere in a big pile of books. Not the red one with psychology stuff – the red one with the genetics lecture notes. It has a DNA on the cover.  Whose DNA? I don’t know whose. I mean a picture of DNA that looks like a twisted ladder…. And yes, yes, I do promise to activate my ‘memory gene’ next time. …Please, please, get this book to my uni ASAP… ”

From https://weirderthanyouthink.wordpress.com

An hour later Alex would magically appear at our university with forgotten books, pens, pencils, lunches, hats, scarfs, gloves and other very important items required ASAP. Not surprisingly, Alex became a “permanent feature” at our Uni. Everyone thought that he was studying with us.

Even in her own flat Victoria could never find her own stuff. “Alex, Alex, where are my skis and my boots?” was the first thing we heard when we got to her place to pick her up to go skiing. “I also need warm woolen socks. Remember, my red ones with blue stripes. I was wearing them when we went skiing last year. And my hat – no, not that green one. The blue one with a yellow pompon…”

Somehow Alex always managed to magically retrieve required items, even though it was not his flat and it was not his stuff.

From http://clairewentthere.com/

“Now, Alex and Ivan – you can go outside to get the car ready. We’ll come down in a second.”

Twenty minutes later Victoria was still at home, applying her makeup or brushing her hair.

“Victoria, come on. We need to go. The lads already look like icicles. It is 15 degrees below zero outside,” I said, peeking out of the window.

“Respectable ladies always DO get lads to wait longer,” she gave me a wink. “Just wait and see…”

Darling, I’m on my way… – still waiting…

Right at that moment the door flew open. Angry Alex rushed in, picked Victoria up and carried her to the car while she was pulling silly faces over his shoulder giggling all the way.

“You see,” she whispered in the car with a giggle. “I was carried the whole way to the car, while you were left walking downstairs. Learn the magic of DOs and DON’Ts, ” she gave me a wink.

From http://www.liveinternet.ru

“Poor Alex,” I chuckled. “I wonder how long he’ll be able to tolerate your ‘patriarchy’ ”.

“That’s not my problem. He was the first who started it,” was Victoria’s reply.

We all knew how it all started. Alex and Victoria were living in the same apartment block and were studying at the same school. One day at school Alex dared to pull Victoria’s ponytail – that’s how it all started.

At first, displeased Victoria enrolled into Aikido classes to defend her ponytail. Not sure whether it helped to protect the ponytail, but a few months later Aikido was banned by Victoria’s parents as her school marks started steadily sliding down.

Aikido-less Victoria quickly resorted to her unbeatable weapon – a beaming smile.  And it has worked incredibly well. Not only Victoria’s ponytail was left in peace. She also did not need to carry her bag to school and back home ever since – her bag kept Alex’s hands away from her ponytail I guess.

From http://lwgsummerland.wordpress.com

Only once we saw this beaming smile fade on Victoria’s face.

“He is gone to see his first love,” she said, bursting into tears.

“What first love?” we could not help it and burst into laughter, “The one that was sitting next to him on a potty at a creche? Don’t think he’ll be able to get away from your ‘patriarchy’ that easily…”

Sure enough, the next day the beaming smile was back on Victoria’s face and we have not heard of that first ‘potty love’ ever since.

From http://www.parenting.com

After graduation, Victoria and Alex got married and a year later they had a beautiful little girl – a spitting image of Alex with Victoria’s beaming smile. Seven years later I gave them a ring.

“I have a bride in making for your lads,” giggled Victoria.

“I bet all complete with your ‘patriarchy’ and all the DOs and DON’Ts”, I chuckled.

“Trust me she did not need much help from me with that. It must be in her blood. She is a real little princess – even in this tender age. Totally spoilt by Alex.”

“And where is Alex?”

“He is renovating our flat.”

“Victoria, come and help me, please,” I heard Alex calling in the background.

“OK, Victoria, it looks like you need to go. Alex is waiting for you. I’ll call you again later.”

“Wait, respectable ladies never respond to the first call.”

“Lena, Lena,” I heard Victoria calling to her daughter, “Can you please take this lolly to daddy, give him a big hug and read him a fairy tale.”

“That will keep Alex busy for the next 15 minutes while we are having a chat,” giggled Victoria. I bet she also gave me a wink…

From VKontakte.ru

Related posts: 

• Sweet Katharina
• Women
• Naseem
• Art and Nature

THE END

Are you a REAL MAN?

From http://www.getafteritamerica.com

“Be a man” is something we’ve all heard at one time or another. What however does that mean to be a Man?

As the Single Pastor points out, the concept of a man is very interesting in today’s culture. There is the “machismo” version. You know this guy. He lets everyone know he benched 250 while listening to Pantera before eating half a cow in one sitting.

From http://thesinglepastor.com

There is the player concept. The concept that sadly, by sleeping with many women, Mr. Joe Smooth thinks he is more of a man because he has been able to do the same act that every other mammal can do.

From http://www.nycgraphicnovelists.com

Then there is the ashamed to be a man as men are being blamed for all sorts of things.

From http://www.martialartsbusinessmagazine.com

Despite all of this, there is a type of man to strive to be, the REAL responsible MAN. 

The REAL MAN is not defined by his age – a boy with a beard is still a boy, no matter his age. A man is not someone who doesn’t make mistakes, but humbles himself after and learns from them. A man takes care of his children. A man values his worth by his caring and kind attitude to others, not by his car, job title, or salary.

From Daughters Need Fathers, Too

Thanks, dad, for being the REAL MAN.
You never told me what that means, but you lived your life so I could learn by watching you …

THE END

Boys DOn’t CRY

From Whisper

Men often feel that they need to be self-reliant and hide their own emotions. This behaviour is reinforced everyday in the stereotype of the heroic male, so often represented in popular culture. Fearless, resourceful, stoic and usually facing adversity alone, these characters tell us a lot about what is considered to be ideal male behaviour within our society.

From http://www.comicvine.com

More powerful than film characters are the roles we see our parents playing. Many men have experienced fathers who were emotionally distant, who rarely, if ever, cried or expressed affection outwardly. The way we see our parents behave becomes the unconscious template for our own behaviour.

This template is further reinforced by the upbringing of boys. From early childhood girls and boys are treated very differently, which most of the time is completely unintentional. For example when a little girl falls over, people will fuss around her crooning condolences ‘are you okay poppet?’, ‘Mummy will kiss it better’ meaning for little girls, it’s acceptable to hurt, and to show emotions and pain. However, with little boys it’s often a quick ‘You’ll be okay, you’re a big boy’ or ‘be a man’ leaving no space for emotional display.

From http://wordsondesert.wordpress.com

The four basic human emotions include:

• Sadness
• Anger
• Happiness
• Fear

Of these four emotions, happiness is considered the most acceptable in society. Yet anger, fear and sadness are universally felt by everyone. These emotions serve valuable purposes and are normal responses to threat and loss.

As emotions such as fear and sadness are generally not as accepted, men might try to hide these from themselves and those around them. They feel that they should be able cope on their own.

Individuals might try to cope with ‘negative’ emotions in one or more of the following ways:

• Withdrawing from family and friends
• Working longer hours
• Spending more time away from home
• Consuming more alcohol
• Behaving recklessly and/or violently

We might not always be able to identify what we’re feeling or have the words to describe our emotions. Men may feel uncomfortable talking to someone about them, leading to frustration in relationships when they cannot express their needs, fears and grief.

From http://darkside-of-felix.deviantart.com

Why talk about it?

The restriction of emotional expression in many men’s lives can lead to:

• A greater sense of isolation
• Less support being available from loved ones
• Health issues due to carrying chronic tension in the body and other bad coping strategies
• Relationship difficulties due to an inability to resolve emotional conflicts and/or a perceived lack of ability to be intimate
• Psychological problems such as depression, insomnia and anxiety.

From http://www.doctorpat.org

Getting in touch

Men are often told they have to ‘get in touch with their feelings,’ but what does this really mean and how do you do it? Here are some strategies for getting to know your own feelings better:

• Be aware of the sensations in your body. Emotion always manifests somewhere in the body. Anger might be experienced as a flush of heat in the face, sadness as a tightening of the throat, anxiety as a knot in the stomach. Take a moment to acknowledge the feeling(s) and take a few breaths to help identify these sensations and understand what they mean.
• If you are feeling angry, ask yourself what other emotions you might be feeling? Are you really sad underneath, or afraid?
• Learn to put words to what you are feeling. Often it helps to write down or brainstorm ideas before a conversation.
• Identifying and expressing feelings is a learnt behaviour – and like driving a car, it only takes practice.
• Take the risk of showing your vulnerability with people who you feel safe with. Give yourself permission to be human, it could bring you closer to others and may even bring a sense of relief.
• Ask for help when you need it.

From Men and Emotions

From http://www.oh-i-see.com

* * *

 

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