To love OR not to love…

“You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.”

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, The Little Prince

woman about to kiss man

Photo by Сергей Гладкий on Pexels.com

All grown-ups were once children … but only few of them remember it. The Little Prince reminds us who we are and what makes us special by helping us to see the world through the eyes of a child.

As Michael Rennier points out, “adults aren’t disappointing simply because we have grown bigger, or obtained jobs, or taken on responsibilities. We are disappointing because for many of us these pursuits have taken on a disproportionate importance. We have forgotten how to see the world as it actually is and are blinded by appearances. We see people as statistics, education as functional, food as fuel, clothing as utilitarian, books as unnecessary luxury… We vastly over-value what we can experience with the senses. If this is what it means to be a grown up, is it any wonder that Saint-Exupery refused to condone our way of life? We are like the accountant he describes, spending our days working over our books, counting everything up, claiming ownership of all we can fit in the ledger, and failing to see that we live in a whole, wild universe filled to the brim with stars somewhere in the midst of which one, unique rose lives on a planet and calls out for love.

anniversary beautiful bloom blooming

Photo by Tucu0103 Bianca on Pexels.com

The rose, for Saint-Exupery, represents love, the way in which we tame each other and allow ourselves to be tamed. It is this invisible virtue that makes one, single rose special. It isn’t the flower itself, after all, there are fields and fields of roses out there. By outward appearances, a rose is like any other rose. So how is it different? It is the invisible bond of love.

In order to have a truly perfect love, we are required in a way to become children again and learn to whole-heartedly trust and give all we have to the beloved. If we care for one another, we deny ourselves for their sake, even if this means we sometimes get hurt. It is worth the risk because the only other alternative… is to treat every other person as an object… to see a field of roses, objects that are nice enough but fairly common… ”

The cost of not daring to love is to miss the warmth of a close connection with another person, inability to open up, be loved and understood…

 

References:

Will you trust me?

TrustHippiePeaceFreaksFacebook

Will you trust me in the valley deep?
 Will you trust me as you lay down to sleep?
 Yes I will trust you despite the pain
 Yes I will trust you without any gain

Will you trust me in the depths of the sea?
 Will you trust me though we may not agree?
 Yes I will trust you in the darkest night
 Yes I will trust you when I have no sight

Will you trust me when you are lost and alone?
 Will you trust me when you are far from home?
 Yes I will trust you when I have lost my way
 Yes I will trust you to bring me back one day…

By Frank McEleny

If you want to be trusted, be honest.
If you want to be honest, be true.
If you want to be true, be yourself…

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Authentic Communication

From http://hr.toolbox.com

 Authentic communication is not always easy, but it is the basis of successful relationships at home and real effectiveness at work. Yet people constantly back away from honesty to protect themselves and others.

As Sheryl Sandberg points out, this reticence causes and perpetuates all kinds of problems: uncomfortable issues that never get addressed, resentment that builds, unfit managers who get promoted rather than fired, and on and on. Often these situations don’t improve because no one tells anyone what is really happening. We are so rarely brave enough to tell the truth…

From The Grumpy Poet

However, authentic communication is not simply about saying what we think at all costs. Communication works best when we combine appropriateness with authenticity, finding the sweet spot where opinions are not brutally honest but delicately honest. Speaking truth fully without hurting feelings comes naturally to some and is an acquired skill for others.

 From http://vinylzart.com

Communicaid identifies the following key elements of authentic communication:

  • Take responsibility for your communication and this means not only for what you say but also ensuring it has been fully understood.  You need to have ownership of the message and be responsible for any fall-out or negative response.
  • Be clear in your use of language so that you are not misinterpreted.  Avoid ambiguous language and technical or specialist jargon that may not be understood.
  • Tell the truth – make sure your facts are accurate and don’t make false promises or leave people to make assumptions that are misplaced.  Also be wary of not making promises that you will not be able to deliver on.
  • Don’t over-generalise or make sweeping statements such as, ‘Nobody thinks it’s a good idea’ or ‘This always happens’.
  • Work with the facts and be aware of the difference between your subjective opinions and the objective facts.  Avoid second guessing and making assumptions about what others are feeling, thinking or meaning.  If in doubt, ask for clarification.
  • Build a connection with the people you are communicating with.  Show them that you care and are interested in them.
  • Be consistent both in what you say but also how you follow up.  Your words should match your actions and you should always endeavour to do what you say you will do within the timeframe you have promised
  • Create mutual understanding by being prepared to share a little bit about yourself and by being curious about others.  Empathise with other perspectives and always try to imagine yourself in the others’ shoes.
  • Build your self-awareness and keep learning about yourself.  Be aware of your own judgements and prejudices and the obstacles that prevent you from communicating authentically.  Monitor your own negative responses and learn to manage your reactions to certain triggers.

From http://www.webbstar.net

In addition to creating better relationships, building trust, managing conflict more effectively and improving team spirit, authenticity helps to create happier, more self-confident and open individuals.

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Smart Trust


From http://thehearttruths.com

At different times in our lives and in different situations, most of us tend to look at our personal relationships, our teams, our organizations, and our governments through one of two sets of glasses: “blind trust” (naivete) or “distrust” (suspicion). At times, we may even go back and forth between the two.

These glasses have been created by a number of factors, including the way our parents and grandparents may have seen the world, the experiences we’ve had in our personal and professional lives, the people we interact with, the things we read, the things we watch, and the things we listen to. However, most of us don’t even realize that we have these glasses on.

Only as we understand how we’re seeing the world now can we truly appreciate the difference a new pair of glasses can make.

From http://quotes-pictures.vidzshare.net/

The reality is that there is a high cost to both blind trust and distrust. And whether you’re looking at the world primarily through the lens of blind trust or distrust, neither approach is sustainable in the long term. Those who live with blind trust eventually get burned; those who live with distrust eventually experience financial, social, and emotional losses.

Though we’ve become very good at recognizing the cost of trusting too much, we’re not nearly as good at recognizing the cost of not trusting enough… Though we think we’re being smart in taking precautions to protect ourselves against all the things that can happen in this low-trust world, the cost of this approach can be incredibly high, particularly in terms of prosperity, energy, and joy.

From http://izquotes.com

 What is Smart Trust?

Smart Trust is judgement. It’s a competency and a process that enables us to operate with high trust in a low-trust world. It minimizes risk and maximizes possibilities….

The propensity to trust almost always provides the best starting point of Smart Trust… We approach situations with the belief that “most people are basically good,” and the reason we do this is because it opens up a whole new world of possibilities…

From http://izquotes.com

To exercise Smart Trust, however, we need to combine a high propensity to trust with equally high analysis. Analysis refers to our ability to assess, evaluate, and consider implications and consequences, including risk.

From http://www.managementsite.nl

 Smart Trust analysis involves the assessment of 3 vital variables:

  1. Opportunity: clearly identifying what you’re trusting someone with. E.g., Grameen bank trusts its borrowers to pay back their loans.
  2. Risk: evaluating the degree of risk involved. What are the possible outcomes? What is the likelihood of the outcomes?
  3. Credibility: the character and competence of the person or people involved. Just as you likely wouldn’t want to do business with someone who, though very skilled, was a known liar and cheat, neither would you want to do business with someone who was honest but incompetent. Credibility also involves the relevance of the person’s competence to the job to be done. Though you might trust an associate to take over your job while you’re on vacation, you might not trust that same person to cut your hair or operate on your daughter’s knee.

From http://izquotes.com/

Because judgement is developed through experience, we sometimes make mistakes. But the more we can recognize and exercise our propensity to trust and our ability to analyse situation, risk, and credibility effectively and the more we can create the empowering synergy between them, the more successful we will be in creating high-trust relationships and opportunities and increasing prosperity, energy, and joy.

From http://thefrontofthejersey.com

Trust is contagious. When we extend trust, we generate trust; when we withhold trust, we generate distrust. Our actions lead ether toward a virtuous upward cycle of prosperity, energy, and joy or toward a vicious downward cycle that eventually results in the destruction of those outcomes….

Trust is contagious – and so is distrust: in our personal lives, our families, our communities, our teams, our organizations, our nations, and the world.

From http://izquotes.com

Smart trust involves the following 5 steps:

1. Choose to believe in trust:

  • A belief in being worthy of trust
  • A belief that most people can be trusted
  • A belief that extending trust is a better way to lead

From http://goodngreat.com

2. Start with self – the foundational action to create trust not only in ourselves as individuals but also in our organizations.

From http://meetville.com

3. Declare your intent and assume positive intent in others. There are two parts to effectively declaring intent: stating what we want to do and stating why we want to do it. Declaring intent is authentic and transparent, which connects us with people not only intellectually but also emotionally. It gives us the confidence that we are acting intentionally and with purpose. It encourages reciprocity.

From http://izquotes.com

 4. Do what you say you’re going to do

From http://www.prestigeprivateschool.ca

5. Lead out in extending trust to others: trusting people inspires them to want to be worthy of that trust. It brings out the best in them. It helps them develop their capabilities.

From http://thoughtfulandinspirational.blogspot.co.nz

From “Smart Trust”
by Stephen  M.R. Covey and Greg Link

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The Poison of Gossip

 How to Avoid Gossip and Stay Popular
From http://insidetech.monster.com

People gossip for many reasons, often due to insecurity. Most gossip arises from either a misguided desire to defend oneself against another who is perceived as harmful, or in order to connect more strongly to others in our social groups. 

gossiping funny quotes quote lol funny quote funny quotes humor gossipFrom Pinterest

How can gossiping be distinguished from other ways of sharing information in a social context?

Firstly, by intent. Gossipers often have the goal of building themselves up by making others look bad and exalting themselves as some kind of bearers of knowledge.

Secondly, by the type of information being shared. Gossipers speak of the faults and failings of others, or reveal potentially embarrassing or shameful details regarding the lives of others without their knowledge or approval. Even if they mean no harm, it is still gossip.

Pope Francis’s words offer us a clue as to where to draw the line between gossip and heartfelt conversation: does the conversation aim to work toward unity and reconciliation, or is its aim self-assertion or putting down others?
"What do I do with my life? Do I create unity around me? Or do I cause division by gossip, criticism, or envy?" --Pope Francis, The Church of Mercy

From http://www.ignatianspirituality.com 

How can we deal with gossip?

  1. Before speaking, ask yourself these several simple questions mentally about what you’re about to say before speaking aloud:
    • How would you like it if someone said this about you or your beloved ones?
    • Is it true? Maybe it is, but is repeating it necessary?
    • Is it kind? It may be true, about yourself or someone else, but if it will harm another, you have no right to repeat it.
    • Is it just?
    • Is it honest, compassionate, with the person’s best interest at heart?
    • Does the other person need to know that?

    • From http://luisapariciofernandes.blogspot.co.nz
  2. When speaking about other people, choose positive words. It might be fun to say a little nasty joke behind someone’s back laughing at people’s clothes, hair, careers, talent, choices, and/or emotional state. However just because things are fun and easy doesn’t mean we should do them. Challenge yourself to resist that temptation.

Words have the power to destroy or to heal. Choose to communicate with affection, warmth & encouragement.From Pinterest

3. Silence is good. Don’t just talk to fill the air with conversation. Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence. 

From http://godisheart.blogspot.co.nz/

4. Be careful who you open up to.


From Accent of English Language “AEL”

5. Be indifferent to gossip about yourself. Spending time focusing on the negative things people say about you will totally damage your focus and leave you questioning yourself. In order to forge ahead and stay true to yourself, you have to not care about other people’s opinions of you or your work, unless it provides constructive criticism.

behind my backFrom If you’re talking about me behind my back…

And don’t forget the feathers of gossip: once a gossip leaves someone’s mouth, no one knows where it ends up. It flies on the wings of the wind, and it is impossible to get it back.

 Resources:

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Jealousy: cure that disease to save your love

From http://izquotes.com

“People commonly take blatant jealousy to be a sign of true affection and commitment. “Isn’t that sweet?” they might say. “He’s trying so hard to protect your relationship. He must really care.”

Well, not so fast. Jealousy is a sign all right — but what it points to is trouble ahead.

Jealousy in Relationships
From http://www.thehavenhealingcentre.co.uk

Here are three reasons why:

Jealousy signals a lack of confidence in oneself:

If you are certain that everyone your partner meets through the day is smarter, wittier, better-looking, and more fun than you — and therefore a threat to steal away your beloved — that is strong incentive to keep him or her on a short leash. Limiting exposure to potential competitors becomes a high-stakes battle for relationship survival — or so you think.

The truth is, no amount of pouty possessiveness will keep you safe. In fact, it is far more likely to damage your relationship than any of your so-called shortcomings. The best defense? Get to work on your self-esteem. 😉

From http://www.rottenecards.com

Jealousy signals a lack of trust in one’s partner.

No one reaches adulthood without suffering a broken heart along the way. That means we each carry around a bucket full of painful memories. We sift it for clues as to what went wrong and strategies for preventing a repeat performance. After a hurtful betrayal, trust is the first thing to go and the last to return — even in a brand-new relationship. Jealous behavior is a way of saying, “You must prove you won’t hurt me too. Until then I’m going to watch you very closely.” But it’s impossible for anyone to prove what they won’t do — and unfair to expect them to try. Here’s a better approach: “You are free to be yourself. I will trust you until you give me a reason not to.”

Trust is the glue that holds together any committed, loving relationship. Jealousy is a solvent that corrodes trust, dissolving the bond that keeps two lovers united.


From http://www.pagecovers.com/

Jealousy signals an unhealthy need for control.

Rival lovers aren’t the only thing that can threaten a jealous person. Chances are, a suspicious individual will also seek to limit anything in his partner’s life that doesn’t include him: time spent with friends, family, or pursuing solitary hobbies and interests.

Jealousy is all about trying to restrict, manipulate, and monitor another person’s behavior and choices. Look out if your relationship is increasingly filled with questions such as, “Where were you? Why were you talking to him? Who sent you that text message? You heard from that person on Facebook again?” Insecurity often leads one person to attempt to orchestrate situations to eliminate perceived threats, but this kind of treatment is toxic over the long haul. Indeed, jealous behavior early on may be a harbinger of even tighter control as the relationship progresses.

SnK - Chained Love by RizaLa
From http://rizala.deviantart.com

A relationship thrives on freedom—the freedom for individuals to grow and develop, to be authentic and genuine, to pursue new opportunities. Unfounded jealousy is a stranglehold sure to suffocate any romantic relationship. Want a lasting, healthy love relationship? Make sure both partners have the space, encouragement, and autonomy to be who they are — without someone else watching every breath and movement.”

From http://www.jonathanlockwoodhuie.com

From eHarmony

* * *

Life is one big road with lots of signs.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
 So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
 Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
 Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
Wake Up and Live!  - Bob Marley

From http://izquotes.com

Wake up and Live ! 😉

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Love, intimacy and desire

Intimacy

What is intimacy?

The feeling of being in a close personal and affectionate association and belonging together… of a bond that is formed through knowledge and experience of the other…

Cuddle
From itisonlyacuddle

Recent research shows there are different areas of intimacy.

Intimacy 2
Intimacy

Intellectual intimacy

On this level, you can converse with your partner about current events, share ideas and thoughts, even debate political and religious topics. Both of you are able to add to the conversation through exchange of thoughts and ideas.

Senior Couple at home. Part of a series
Intellectual intimacy

Recreational intimacy

This is about recreational activities that the two of you enjoy participating in, whether  individually, or together.

Recreational
Recreational Intimacy

Social intimacy

It’s totally okay for you to have your own friends, and he have his, as long as the two of you have some “common” friends. Couple friendships can be an added bonus to a relationship by being a sounding board, providing feedback and accountability.

Friends
Friends

Spiritual intimacy 

This is where you, as a pair, grow deeper together. While this area of intimacy is the most subjective, due to the various religious backgrounds and practices you may have, it is still a very important component. In my opinion, it’s one of the most important, since a blossoming relationship is spiritual in nature at its core.

Spiritual
Spiritual intimacy

Emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy is a psychological event that happens when the trust level and communication between two people is so deep that it breeds the mutual sharing of each other’s innermost selves. It is unrestrained mutual self disclosure.

In our most intimate relationships, we expect to be accepted as we are, respected, worthy, and even admired in the eyes of our mate. We would like our relationship to be a safe haven for us when we are worn and tired. We want a place of compassion and support.

Emotional
Emotional Intimacy

Physical intimacy

Sexual expression is part of our hard-wiring and can be both exhilarating and invigorating for a couple, use in the right context.

Desire 1
From http://meaningofintimacy.us/ 

It’s important to realize that having a sex life doesn’t have to mean having sexual intercourse. Intimate contact of any kind with your spouse is what is important and necessary. Human beings are by nature sexual creatures with an innate desire to touch, cuddle and feel.

Desire

In recent years, a large number of couples have focused mainly on the physical part of a relationship, reducing intimacy into a series of positions and practices, rather than focusing on holistically expanding a solid relationship in all areas of intimacy.

An essential ingredient of intimacy is allowing your spouse to be himself (or herself) without striving to conform him (or her) to your ideals.

In intimacy, we try to grow closer together, not to eliminate the “otherness,” but to enjoy it. Men and women are different and we must not, even with good intentions, seek to destroy those differences.

Mars Venus
From Mars vs Venus

What keeps us from experiencing intimacy? All of us are egocentric; the world revolves around us. Yet, when we focus on self, we lose intimacy.

The opposite of self-centeredness, then, is love. Love concentrates on the well-being of the spouse. We take time to listen to the thoughts, feelings, and desires of our spouse. We seek to understand and to respond with empathy. We choose to do things with each other, even things that may not be our favorite activities, simply because we want to be with each other.

From http://meaningofintimacy.us/

 

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Stepping into the New Year: Focus on sweetness, forget the pain…

“The course of true love never did run smooth.”

( William Shakespeare, 1564-1616 )

TrueLove( Photo by epsilon-delta )

As Chuck Palahniuk once said, “It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.”

It is time to break that pattern, it is time to get free from its chains. Try focusing on the sweet side to ease the pain.

Easier to say then to do you might say… Well, may be, the following 6 tips from When Love Bugs You might help?

1Talk about your marriage. This seems like an obvious tip on how to make a relationship last, but it’s surprisingly difficult to talk about your relationship! Talking about your relationship can make it better – even if you don’t solve your problems immediately. Just talking about your marriage brings you closer together. Or, it can help you realize that you may not want to save your marriage after all.

2. Recognize when you’re pulling away emotionally and physically. Recognize when you’re pulling away and do the exact opposite. So, instead of retreating to your shell, tell your partner why you’re retreating. No blame or guilt trips: just honesty.

3. Be honest with your partner about how to make your relationship last. Decide together if marriage counseling will help your relationship last a long time. Couples therapy is an effective way of building better relationships if both partners are committed. One partner can’t save a marriage alone. When you’re in the thick of things, you can’t see if you or your partner is being unreasonable (usually, it’s a little of both). An objective third party — a marriage or couples counselor — can help you make your marriage work by bridging communication gaps and helping you see your marriage clearly.

4. Figure out what you need from your relationship. To build a better marriage, each partner needs to be clear about their hopes and expectations.

5. Decide what you can give to your relationship. Perhaps the best tip on making a relationship last is about what you can give to your marriage (not necessarily what you can get). A secret of happy couples is to be clear about your needs, but it’s equally or perhaps more important to figure out where you’re dropping the ball. How can you build a better marriage by improving yourself?

6. Learn how to argue in healthy ways. Building a better relationship with your spouse means you need to stop blaming, criticizing, or belittling your partner. Regardless of how your husband or wife treats you, you need to communicate with love and respect. You can’t change your partner, but you can change how you respond to her or him. As Ann Landers once said, “All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest. Good arguments are healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.”

And no matter how angry we are, lets never stop being caring.

CARINGFrom Funi Pics

Lets leave all the grudges in the old 2013 year and commit to making the New Year sweeter than the past.

Have a peaceful and happy New Year. 🙂

Hapy Year
From Images List

Related posts:

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