“Do you respect yourself?!” exclaimed Victoria while pulling me away from the living room where we were celebrating my 17th birthday.

It was a very quiet party. Only my 3 closest University friends have been invited and Anton. I did not want him to be there, but I had no choice. I did not want to have him in my life at all. I could not even comprehend how he actually got in there.

I knew Anton for only a few weeks, but in those few weeks all my life went upside down.

He seemed to be always around, monitoring every step I made or every breath I took. If he was not physically around, then there were phone calls. Hundreds and hundreds of phone calls each day. I was scared to answer the phone and even more scared not to answer it, as then he would come to my place full of rage: “Why did not you answer the phone? Where have you been?”


I could not comprehend how that happened, but Anton somehow got into a belief that he was my boyfriend. He even started talking about marrying me in  a year. That was when he was talking about me being the love of his life of course. However before even finishing talking about his love, he often was falling into a rage. Then my things went flying around the place and his fist was punching the wall a millimeter away from my face.

“Do you respect yourself?” Victoria kept exclaiming, while pulling me into a distant corner. I could not understand what she was talking about.

Victoria never met Anton before. I never even told her about him. So far he was behaving his best at my party. He treated me OK in public, except an occasional hiss, a pinch or a quiet jab that no one else would notice.

“He is not a proper human being. He is a psychopath! Classic textbook case. I’ve got only Cs in psychology, but I could see that straight away. You’ve got top marks. Why can’t you see that? Why do you allow him to be near you? How can you allow yourself to be treated like that? Do you have any respect for yourself?”


I’ve never seen Victoria to be so agitated.

“You should stop that straight away. You should not allow him to get anywhere near you. Don’t answer the phone. Don’t talk to him. Get him out of your life. Do you hear me? Completely out!”

Next day at the University she pulled me into the library and got for me a pile of books on psychopaths  as well as books on building confidence and self-esteem.  I spent the rest of the day at the library, and then another day, and another… It was quiet a peaceful there: no phone calls, no Anton. In a few months he vanished from my life…


A decade later Victoria gave me a ring:

“What are you up to?” she asked.

“Painting the house,” I felt totally exhausted after spending a few months preparing the walls and putting 4 coats of paint.

“Were all your efforts appreciated?”

“Hm, I guess so. I was asked a few days ago whether I could paint the roof as well, once I finish with all the walls. So I must be doing a good job…”

“And what is your prince doing?”

“Daydreaming, reading and enjoying a cup of tea.”

“Do you respect yourself for goodness sake!” exclaimed Victoria. “Every relationship requires equal efforts by both parties. Chuck out all the paintbrushes and do some daydreaming too. Or reading, sailing, dancing… Do something YOU are ENJOYING!”

And I did…


Make your own happiness a priority

“Make sure you don’t start seeing yourself through the eyes of those who don’t value you. Know your worth even if they don’t.”

Thema Davis


As Melanie Greenberg points out, the biggest struggle in life is the struggle to know, embrace, and accept ourselves, with all of our faults and imperfections. Many of us were raised by parents who were themselves victims – who were not taught to see their own worth, or who were not really seen by their own parents. Our grandparents generation faced massive trauma and upheaval due to the Second World War and the Great Depression. The focus was on survival and minimizing the damage, rather than on love, appreciation and intimacy. Individuals and families today face the challenges of long commutes, longer working hours, and global economic uncertainty. These stresses can beat us down, or make us build walls around ourselves that are so dense that even our nearest and dearest can’t get in. Yet, there is another way.

It is not selfish to be kind to yourself, to take care of yourself and to respect yourself. If you do not love yourself, no one else will. You can’t change others, but you can change yourself. Use ‘could’ instead of ‘should’, as your life is your choice, not your ‘duty’. Make your own happiness a priority, because YOU deserve it.



Jealousy: cure that disease to save your love


“People commonly take blatant jealousy to be a sign of true affection and commitment. “Isn’t that sweet?” they might say. “He’s trying so hard to protect your relationship. He must really care.”

Well, not so fast. Jealousy is a sign all right — but what it points to is trouble ahead.

Jealousy in Relationships

Here are three reasons why:

Jealousy signals a lack of confidence in oneself:

If you are certain that everyone your partner meets through the day is smarter, wittier, better-looking, and more fun than you — and therefore a threat to steal away your beloved — that is strong incentive to keep him or her on a short leash. Limiting exposure to potential competitors becomes a high-stakes battle for relationship survival — or so you think.

The truth is, no amount of pouty possessiveness will keep you safe. In fact, it is far more likely to damage your relationship than any of your so-called shortcomings. The best defense? Get to work on your self-esteem. 😉


Jealousy signals a lack of trust in one’s partner.

No one reaches adulthood without suffering a broken heart along the way. That means we each carry around a bucket full of painful memories. We sift it for clues as to what went wrong and strategies for preventing a repeat performance. After a hurtful betrayal, trust is the first thing to go and the last to return — even in a brand-new relationship. Jealous behavior is a way of saying, “You must prove you won’t hurt me too. Until then I’m going to watch you very closely.” But it’s impossible for anyone to prove what they won’t do — and unfair to expect them to try. Here’s a better approach: “You are free to be yourself. I will trust you until you give me a reason not to.”

Trust is the glue that holds together any committed, loving relationship. Jealousy is a solvent that corrodes trust, dissolving the bond that keeps two lovers united.


Jealousy signals an unhealthy need for control.

Rival lovers aren’t the only thing that can threaten a jealous person. Chances are, a suspicious individual will also seek to limit anything in his partner’s life that doesn’t include him: time spent with friends, family, or pursuing solitary hobbies and interests.

Jealousy is all about trying to restrict, manipulate, and monitor another person’s behavior and choices. Look out if your relationship is increasingly filled with questions such as, “Where were you? Why were you talking to him? Who sent you that text message? You heard from that person on Facebook again?” Insecurity often leads one person to attempt to orchestrate situations to eliminate perceived threats, but this kind of treatment is toxic over the long haul. Indeed, jealous behavior early on may be a harbinger of even tighter control as the relationship progresses.

SnK - Chained Love by RizaLa

A relationship thrives on freedom—the freedom for individuals to grow and develop, to be authentic and genuine, to pursue new opportunities. Unfounded jealousy is a stranglehold sure to suffocate any romantic relationship. Want a lasting, healthy love relationship? Make sure both partners have the space, encouragement, and autonomy to be who they are — without someone else watching every breath and movement.”


From eHarmony

* * *

Life is one big road with lots of signs.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
 So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
 Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
 Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
Wake Up and Live!  - Bob Marley


Wake up and Live ! 😉


I must learn to love the fool in me – the one who feels too much, talks too much…

“I must learn to love the fool in me–the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, … laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool.”
Theodore I. Rubin, MD

Take a Look in the Mirror and Enjoy ;-)

( ‘What’s behind Malevich’s square’ by Sergey K. )

I’m a very special person,
There’s no-one else like me.
If you searched the whole world over,
My twin you’d never see.

My looks, my thoughts, my feelings,
Are mine and mine alone.
They often make me happy,
But sometimes make me moan.

I’m a very special person,
And I’m sure that you’d agree
If everyone was perfect
How boring life would be.

(Author unknown)

Be yourself and have fun.

You are awesome just the way you are.