In 1832 Russian poet Mikhail Lermontov wrote a poem ‘The Reed” about a murdered young lady:
He wanted me to love him – His passion left me cold; He tried to give me money – I did not want his gold. Then with a knife he struck me, And to the ground I sank; He dug a grave and buried My body on the bank.
“With men he was dishonest, With beauties he was sly.”
These are the key words for me in that poem, as in my experience those men, who are treating women badly are also very nasty to other men. While good men treat all people well, including other men, women and children. Therefore any generalizations blaming and shaming all men for poor treatment of women are false and misleading.
As Camille Paglia, for centuries “men have sacrificed and crippled themselves physically and emotionally to feed, house, and protect women and children.” Unfortunately, the pain or achievements of good men often goes unnoticed in the flood of negative stories related to bad men. 😦
Let’s appreciate those men, who care about others and treat other people well. Let’s appreciate those men, who are supporting women and helping them through hard times. Let’s appreciate those men who are empowering women and helping them to develop new skills. Let’s appreciate those men, who come to the rescue when women get caught in dangerous situations. Let’s not forget that those men often risk their own health and their own lives to help out women. On my blog I’ve got a few examples of good men in action – across different cultures and time periods, e.g.:
“We tell ourselves stories every day. This is a story. A story of how we take the events of our lives and turn them into memories. And of how we can remake those memories by telling new stories to change our lives.
Every story is built on themes and although there can be an infinite number of stories there are a limited number of themes. The stories we tell ourselves about who we are and what our lives are about are just so. We can be the hero, antagonist or victim. Our lives can be heroic or tragic, fulfilling or empty, happy or sad. It all depends on the story we write and the stage on which we perform.
Just as a stage contains props to support a play, so do we select from life’s myriad events the bits and pieces of evidence we use to support our life stories. If ours’ is a story of popularity, we remember only what supports that story. Conversely, if our story is that of rejection we’ll only remember the looks, remarks and behavior that make us feel rejected. We store these as memories and replay them whenever we want to relive or convince ourselves that the story is true.
Most of the time we don’t even realize how our life story determines what we’ll remember. Or how we force the events in our life to conform to that story….
Our memories are amendable and adjustable to the stories we tell ourselves. When we recall a memory we can subtly alter and update it to our story so that when the brain stores it again, it is no longer the memory it once was. That means if our memories are painful or unpleasant we can alter them simply by telling a different story when they arise. It also means that if we don’t like the story we’ve been telling, we cannot only change it but the memories that support it as well.
Memories are not just images that we replay in our minds but the emotions we bring forth as well. So if we can alter our memories we can also change our feelings.”
Take the good with the bad smile when you’re sad love with all you’ve got remember what you had always forgive, never forget learn from mistakes and never regrets people can change things can go wrong just always remember life does go on.
100 years of wisdom from the world’s oldest Holocaust survivor
After everything she’s been through, how has Alice managed to keep such a positive outlook on life? The short answer is: by playing the piano and rejecting hate. Like she says, “hatred eats the soul of the hater, not the hated”…