When Christmas is difficult…

Lonely Christmas

No matter where you find yourself in the world during the month of December, there’s never any escaping Christmas expectations. Seasonally, this is supposed to be a time for family and loved ones – and we’re constantly reminded of how we should be celebrating, through films, adverts and songs on the radio. But for those of us facing a difficult Christmas this year, that’s the last thing we want to be reminded of…

There is a number of reasons why many people find Christmas season very difficult including death in the family, loss of a job, loss of a marriage or relationship, financial collapse, loneliness, depression, or family problems.  A study into festive despondency by psychiatric healthcare facility Florida House found that 29 per cent of people feel depressed at Christmas because it reminds them that they don’t have anyone to share it with. Meanwhile, for 69 per cent it simply makes them realise how broke they are…

Are you facing a difficult Christmas season? Are you overly stressing about what needs to be done or the upcoming family gathering?  Are you isolating yourself from all of it and everyone?

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So, if you are feeling like the only person in the world who is not filled with festive joy, how can you make it through Christmas?

  1. Keep things simple. Keep your schedule simple. Keep your commitments simple. Don’t be afraid to say “no.”
  2. Balance alone-time and time with others. Don’t isolate. Isolating will only make things worse.
  3. Talk about the issues with someone who is safe. Talk about why it’s a difficult Christmas, but don’t ruminate about it. Identify the pain and work through it.
  4. Do self-nurture. Take time to de-stress. Find gifts for yourself, pamper yourself, go for a long walk, read a book and wear your pyjamas all day if you want to.
  5. Give something back. Christmas is a great time to volunteer and there are always people who need assistance; helping out at your local Church or charity car boot sale is a great place to start.
  6. Lower your expectations. In fact, try to have no expectations. Too often we have too high of expectations, and the disappointment that follows when those expectations are not met will only add to one’s pain.
  7. Ignore the media. The schmaltzy ads and poignant songs can bring back many memories. At times this may feel overwhelming and trigger some pretty intense emotions. (This is totally OK). But when things get too much, it’s a good idea to mute those telly ads, switch off the car radio and completely disconnect from social media. And if you still need an escape, consider celebrating Christmas somewhere where you won’t be reminded so much of home or the person you miss…

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Are You Lonely in Your Relationship?

LonelinessFrom http://healthythoughts.in/

Loneliness is a very painful feeling… You might believe that the people who feel lonely are people who are not in a relationship, but as Margaret Paul points out, just as often, they are lonely in their relationship. Being in a relationship does not always take away loneliness – it often causes it…

I lived with that feeling in my relationship for 20 years, got used to doing everything alone and thought I was fine… But one day my 19-year old son gave me a hug and said: “I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me and my brothers all on your own.”… That stopped me in my tracks…. Never thought that my children felt that all those years, that they realised that something was not quiet right…

I would not call that relationship unsuccessful though. It gave me three wonderful children and certainly taught me what I do not want in any other relationship I’ll ever have…

Relationship

 Do you ever feel lonely in your relationship?

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Are You Lonely in Your Relationship?

From http://healthythoughts.in/

Loneliness is a very painful feeling… You might believe that the people who feel lonely are people who are not in a relationship, but as Margaret Paul points out, just as often, they are lonely in their relationship. Being in a relationship does not always take away loneliness – it often causes it.

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From http://www.quotesvalley.com

 Do you ever feel lonely in your relationship?

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What Creates Loneliness in a Relationship?

  • You may feel lonely with your partner if your heart is closed because you are protecting yourself from hurt with your anger or withdrawal. You cannot connect when you are closed and protected.
  • You may feel lonely with your partner when your partner is closed and angry, or withdrawn and uncommunicative. You will feel lonely if your partner deliberately shuts you out with work, TV, food, alcohol, hobbies, the Internet and so on.
  • You may feel lonely when you are trying to have control over your partner’s feelings by giving yourself up. Being inauthentic in order to control how your partner feels about you does not lead to authentic connection.
  • You may feel lonely with your partner when one or both of you are closed to learning when a conflict arises. The unwillingness to have open communication about important issues creates walls between you.
  • You may feel lonely if you or your partner use your sexual relationship as a form of control.
  • You will feel lonely if you or your partner stays up in your mind rather than being together with open hearts. Intellectualization can be interesting at times, but after a while it can feel flat and lonely.
  • You may feel lonely if your partner judges you regarding your thoughts, feelings, looks or actions. Judgment creates disconnection, and disconnection can be very lonely.
  • You may feel lonely when you or your partner can’t connect due to being overly tired, frazzled and overwhelmed, or ill.

Anything you do or your partner does that disconnects you from yourself and/or your partner may create loneliness. Loneliness goes away when we connect with each other from our hearts. Disconnection occurs anytime one partner closes his or her heart to protect or control.

bench nature love people

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

We stay connected with each other when:

  • We are willing to be vulnerable and authentic, speaking our truth without blame or judgment.
  • We are willing to feel our painful feelings and lovingly manage them and learn from them — taking responsibility for all our feelings rather than avoiding them with protective, controlling behaviors. When we are connected with ourselves, we can connect with our partner.
  • We are willing to learn about ourselves and our partner, especially in conflict.
  • We are caring and compassionate with ourselves and our partner.
  • We make time to be together to talk, play, make love, laugh, learn and grow. We are interested in personal and relationship growth. Time together, and growing in our ability to love ourselves and share our love with each other, are high priorities for both partners.

When each of you is devoted to evolving in your ability to love yourself and each other, your relationship has a high chance of staying connected. Partners who are connected with themselves and each other rarely feel lonely.

(From Are you lonely in your relationship?)

adult affection bed closeness

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

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The Lonely Introvert


From http://www.mediawebapps.com

The Lonely Introvert: It seems like an oxymoron at first. How can people who desire time alone and often thrive working by themselves get lonely? Fairly easily, actually.

People are social creatures whether introverted or extroverted, and need interactions with others. However for introverts, it’s not the quantity of social interactions they have that makes them feel socially satisfied, it’s the quality of those interactions.

As Sophia Dembling explains in The Introvert’s Way, “Introverts don’t get lonely if they don’t socialize with a lot of people, but we do get lonely if we don’t have intimate interactions on a regular basis,”.  This can be a blessing and a curse. Since introverts desire such a deep connection to feel fulfilled, it makes it difficult to find people to connect with.

From http://introvertspring.com

 I was always a quiet introvert with just a few close friends. I often feel lonely or bored at large parties – even if I know all the people there, the party atmosphere is not suitable for long conversations. Hanging out with strangers with loud music blaring and alcohol never appealed to me.  My ideal social interaction would be a long conversation with a close friend in a quiet environment away from other people.

Unfortunately, such deep connections are not easy to find, and when I get caught short and my only choice is superficial socializing or nothing, I can get very lonely.

From http://www.truthfollower.com

What about you? Do you ever feel lonely?

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