The Lonely Introvert


The Lonely Introvert: It seems like an oxymoron at first. How can people who desire time alone and often thrive working by themselves get lonely? Fairly easily, actually.

People are social creatures whether introverted or extroverted, and need interactions with others. However for introverts, it’s not the quantity of social interactions they have that makes them feel socially satisfied, it’s the quality of those interactions.

As Sophia Dembling explains in The Introvert’s Way, “Introverts don’t get lonely if they don’t socialize with a lot of people, but we do get lonely if we don’t have intimate interactions on a regular basis,”.  This can be a blessing and a curse. Since introverts desire such a deep connection to feel fulfilled, it makes it difficult to find people to connect with.


 I was always a quiet introvert with just a few close friends. I often feel lonely or bored at large parties – even if I know all the people there, the party atmosphere is not suitable for long conversations. Hanging out with strangers with loud music blaring and alcohol never appealed to me.  My ideal social interaction would be a long conversation with a close friend in a quiet environment away from other people.

Unfortunately, such deep connections are not easy to find, and when I get caught short and my only choice is superficial socializing or nothing, I can get very lonely.


What about you? Do you ever feel lonely?



The Power of Quiet


From CristinaSkyBox

Have you ever being embarrassed of your quietness or shyness? Have you ever being envious of more outspoken charismatic people?

In spite of zero correlation between being the best talker and having the best ideas, often too much of a premium is put on presenting and not enough on substance and critical thinking. As Susan Cain points out, “Introversion – along with its cousins sensitivity, seriousness, and shyness – is now a second-class personality trait, somewhere between a disappointment and a pathology. Introverts living in the Extrovert Ideal are like women in a man’s world, discounted because of a trait that goes to the core of who they are. Extroversion is an enormously appealing personality style, but we’ve turned it into an oppressive standard to which most of us feel we must conform…”.

However don’t despair if you are quiet and introverted by nature. Be yourself and share your ideas as powerfully as you can. You don’t need to be loud to spread your ideas – ideas can be shared quietly, in writing or blogging. The trick is in learning to be yourself, honouring your own style and personality and not allowing yourself to be swept up by the prevailing norms.

Remember: “Everyone shines, given the right lighting.”

(based on “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” by Susan Cain)