Life wounds and scars

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Every situation you have encountered forms the person you are today. Sometimes these will make you feel happy, while at other times you may feel profoundly miserable. In these moments of dejection our wounds are opened.

There are a number of wounds which we are able to heal with time, but never finish scarring. These remind us that something or someone may be hurtful or painful to us. A few of these wounds are:

1. Humiliation

We are humiliated when someone attacks our personal dignity in different manners. This is a form of denigration, be it done privately or publicly, the latter being even tougher to overcome.

The consequences of feeling humiliated will directly affect one’s self-esteem, confidence toward others, and one’s hope in what they do and expect from the world. When someone humiliates you, it feels as though they have taken something away that belonged to you in the cruelest way possible.

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2. Disappointment

When someone disappoints us, it destroys all our expectations and hopes. This is a mix of shock, anger, surprise and heartache. It may come from a family member, a childhood friend, a work colleague, or simply someone we considered to be a good person, incapable of betraying certain principles, respect towards us, or towards the world in general. We may come to feel frustrated by such a disappointment, even depressed, and evidently our ability to trust in others will find itself to be reduced or possibly even eliminated.

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3. Betrayal

Generally when we have been betrayed it is because someone has first taken our trust, we have confided in their word to the very end, and we believed that all their actions were honest and sincere; but we then discover that, in reality, it was all quite the contrary.

What is our first sensation? Disbelief, then possibly anger, sadness, a feeling of having humiliated ourselves.

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No matter who left the wounds and scars on your mind and soul, always remember that there is something wrong with them, not you. Normal people do not go around destroying other human beings…

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THE END

Source: 5 Wounds of the Soul Which Heal, but Leave Scars.

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The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others.

Memory
From Memory Quote

“The first step in the acquisition of wisdom is silence, the second listening, the third memory, the fourth practice, the fifth teaching others.”

Solomon Ibn Gabriol

* * *

The Giver
by Lois Lowry
(excerpt)
Giver

“Giver,” Jonas asked the next afternoon, “Do you ever think about release?”…

“I guess I do think about it occasionally,” The Giver said. “I think about my own release when I’m in an awful lot of pain. I wish I could put in a request for it, sometimes. But I’m not permitted to do that until the new Receiver is trained.”…

“Me,” Jonas said in a dejected voice. He was not looking forward to the end of the training, when he would become the new Receiver. It was clear to him what a terribly difficult and lonely life it was, despite the honor.

“I can’t request release either,” Jonas pointed out. “It was in my rules.”

The Giver laughed harshly. “I know that. They hammered out those rules after the failure ten years ago.”…

“Giver,” he said, “tell me what happened. Please.”…

The Giver looked sad, thinking about it. “She was a remarkable young woman. Very self-possessed and serene. Intelligent, eager to learn.”… I loved her…

“What happened to her?” Jonas asked.

“Her training began. She received well, as you do. She was so enthusiastic. So delighted to experience new things. I remember her laughter…”

The Giver closed his eyes. “It broke my heart, Jonas, to transfer pain to her. But it was my job. It was what I had to do, the way I’ve had to do it to you.”…

“Five weeks. That was all. I gave her happy memories: a ride on a merry-go-round; a kitten to play with; a picnic. Sometimes I chose one just because I knew it would make her laugh, and I so treasured the sound of that laughter in this room that had always been so silent.

“But she was like you, Jonas. She wanted to experience everything. She knew that it was her responsibility. And so she asked me for more difficult memories.”

Jonas held his breath for a moment. “You didn’t give her war, did you? Not after just five weeks?”

The Giver shook is head and sighed. “No. And I didn’t give her physical pain. But I gave her loneliness. And I gave her loss. I transferred a memory of a child taken from its parents. That was the first one. She appeared stunned at its end.”…

The Giver continued. “I backed off, gave her more little delights. But everything changed, once she knew about pain. I could see it in her eyes.”…

“She insisted that I continue, that I not spare her. She said it was her duty. And I knew, of course, that she was correct…

“I gave her anguish of many kinds. Poverty, and hunger, and terror….

“Finally one afternoon, we finished for the day. It had been a hard session. I tried to finish – as I do with you – by transferring something happy and cheerful. But the times of laughter were gone by then. She stood up very silently, frowning, as if she were making a decision. Then she came over to me and put her arms around me. She kissed my cheek…. She left here that day, left this room, and did not go back to her dwelling. I was notified by the Speaker that she had gone directly to the Chief Elder and asked to be released.”…

“When the Speaker notified me that Rosemary had applied for release, they turned on the tape to show me the process. There she was – my last glimpse of that beautiful child – waiting. They bought in the syringe and asked her to roll up her sleeve… And I listened as Rosemary told them that she would prefer to inject herself.

“Then she did so. I didn’t watch. I looked away.”…

Jonas stared at him. “Release is always like that? For people who break the rules three times? For the Old? Do they kill the Old, too?

“Yes, it’s true.”

“And what about Fiona? She loves the Old! She’s in training to care for them. Does she know yet? What will she do when she finds out? How will she feel?” Jonas brushed wetness from his face with the back of one hand.

“Fiona is already being trained in the fine art of release.” The Giver told him. “She’s very efficient at her work, your red-haired friend. Feelings are not part of the life she’s learned.”…

“Jonas,” The Giver said, after a moment, “it’s true that it has been this way for what seems forever. But the memories tell us that it has not always been. People felt things once…. We know that they once felt things like pride, and sorrow, and – “

“And love,” Jonas added, remembering the family scene that had so affected him. “And pain.” He thought again of the soldier.

“The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It’s the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared.”…

The Giver shook his head. “Jonas,” he said, “the community has depended, all these generations, back and back and back, on a resident Receiver to hold their memories for them. I’ve turned over many of them to you in the past year…. If you get away, if you get beyond, if you get to Elsewhere, it will mean that the community has to bear the burden themselves, of the memories you had been holding for them.

“I think that they can, and that they will acquire some wisdom. But it will be desperately hard for them…. Remember how I helped you in the beginning, when the receiving of memories was new to you?”

Jonas nodded. “It was scary at first. And it hurt a lot.”

“You needed me then. And now they will…. My work will be finished… when I have helped the community to change and become whole… When my work here is finished, I want to be with my daughter.”

Jonas had been staring glumly at the floor. Now he looked up, startled. “I didn’t know you had a daughter, Giver!”…

Her name was Rosemary,” the Giver said.

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* * *

Let’s never forget the killed, neglected, hungrybullied and torturedhumiliated, abused. Let’s share their stories, let’s share the wisdom, let’s stop that pain…

tearsFrom Heart-Wrenching Sorrow

THE END

Scaring away our fears

Fear vs danger

“Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger—if we didn’t feel it, we couldn’t protect ourselves from legitimate threats. But often we fear situations that are far from life-or-death, and thus hang back for no good reason. Traumas or bad experiences can trigger a fear response within us that is hard to quell. Yet exposing ourselves to our personal demons is the best way to move past them…

There are only five basic fears, out of which almost all of our other so-called fears are manufactured. Those five basic fears are:

Extinction – fear of annihilation, of ceasing to exist…Consider that panicky feeling you get when you look over the edge of a high building.

Mutilation – fear of losing any part of our precious bodily structure; the thought of having our body’s boundaries invaded, or of losing the integrity of any organ, body part, or natural function. For example, anxiety about animals, such as bugs, spiders, snakes, and other creepy things arises from fear of mutilation.

Loss of Autonomy – fear of being immobilized, paralyzed, restricted, enveloped, overwhelmed, entrapped, imprisoned, smothered, or controlled by circumstances. In a physical form, it’s sometimes known as claustrophobia, but it also extends to social interactions and relationships.

Separation – fear of abandonment, rejection, and loss of connectedness – of becoming a non-person – not wanted, respected, or valued by anyone else. The “silent treatment,” when imposed by a group, can have a devastating psychological effect on the targeted person.

Ego-death – fear of humiliation, shame, or any other mechanism of profound self-disapproval that threatens the loss of integrity of the Self; fear of the shattering or disintegration of one’s constructed sense of lovability, capability, and worthiness.

That’s all – just those five.

Think about the various common labels we put on our fears. Start with the easy ones: fear of heights or falling is basically fear of extinction. Fear of failure? Read it as fear of ego-death. Fear of rejection? It’s fear of separation, and probably also fear of ego-death. The terror many people have at the idea of having to speak in public is basically fear of ego-death. Fear of intimacy, or “fear of commitment” is basically fear of losing one’s autonomy.

Some other emotions we know by various popular names are also expressions of these primary fears. If you track them down to their most basic levels, the basic fears show through. Jealousy, for example, is an expression of the fear of separation, or devaluation.

Shame and guilt express the fear – or the actual condition – of separation and even ego-death. The same is true for embarrassment and humiliation.

Fear is often the base emotion on which anger floats. Oppressed peoples rage against their oppressors because they fear – or actually experience – loss of autonomy and even ego-death. The destruction of a culture or a religion by an invading occupier may be experienced as a kind of collective ego-death. Those who make us fearful will also make us angry.

Religious bigotry and intolerance may express the fear of ego-death on a cosmic level, and can even extend to existential anxiety. “If my god isn’t the right god, or the best god, then I’ll be stuck without a god. Without god on my side, I’ll be at the mercy of the impersonal forces of the environment.”

Some of our fears, of course, have basic survival value. Others, however, are learned reflexes that can be weakened or re-learned…

When we begin to see fear and its companion emotions as basically information, we can think about them consciously. And the more clearly and calmly we can articulate the origins of the fear, the less our fears frighten us and control us.”

From The (Only) Five Basic Fears We All Live By

FearFrom Comic Relief

THE END

“DO NO HARM’ is No Laughing Matter

560064-jacintha-saldanha-india-britain-royal-pregnancy-hoaxFrom news.com.au

Last week royal prank DJ Michael Christian has been given an award in an internal competition that recognizes his company’s “best in the land”. He was awarded a trip to Los Angeles as part of his prize.

Although Christian and fellow DJ Mel Greig have been linked to the suicide of a nurse after making a prank call to a London hospital, the folks at Southern Cross Austereo think he’s one of the best employees they have. If he is the best employee they have, one can only wonder about their worst or even average ones. It looks like that prank – the act of colossal bad taste, insensitivity and arrogance – was no fluke after all.

Australian disc jockey Michael Christian told an interviewer that “Prank calls are made every day on every radio station in every country around the world, and they have been for a long time, and no one could have imagined this to happen.”

He was talking about the suicide of Jacintha Saldanha, a nurse who was on the receiving end of a prank call he made with co-host Mel Greig. Saldanha felt so humiliated by falling for the ruse that she took her own life.

Is humiliating and degrading others a laughing matter? Or are there other ways of ‘entertaining’ audience without inflicting unnecessary harm to others?

As Bruce Weinstein points out, the ethical principle at the heart of that matter is simple: Do No Harm. We associate this principle with health care professionals, and rightly so: We’d like our physicians to make us better. But at the very least, we can expect that they won’t make us worse. Yet Do No Harm applies not just to health care providers but to everyone else. Although prank calls are part of radio programs around the world, the public still has a right to demand that media professionals avoid doing or saying things that would cause others to feel humiliated or degraded.  Therefore letting the person who took the call know that the whole thing was a joke is a common practice with prank calls.

There are lots of good entertainment shows that ‘do no harm’. Let’s take as an example Ellen Degeneres – one of my favourite comedians. Every day Ellen ends her show with thanking her guests and then saying “Be kind to one another, bye”. So entertainment shows can by kind as well as fun after all. I wish one day entertainment industry all over the world adopts “do no harm” principle in their work and starts rewarding and encouraging ‘kind fun’, that spreads kindness and compassion. Let’s be kind with our laughter.

Do no harm

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