Are You Lonely in Your Relationship?

From http://healthythoughts.in/

Loneliness is a very painful feeling… You might believe that the people who feel lonely are people who are not in a relationship, but as Margaret Paul points out, just as often, they are lonely in their relationship. Being in a relationship does not always take away loneliness – it often causes it.

Somtimes.jpg

From http://www.quotesvalley.com

 Do you ever feel lonely in your relationship?

***

What Creates Loneliness in a Relationship?

  • You may feel lonely with your partner if your heart is closed because you are protecting yourself from hurt with your anger or withdrawal. You cannot connect when you are closed and protected.
  • You may feel lonely with your partner when your partner is closed and angry, or withdrawn and uncommunicative. You will feel lonely if your partner deliberately shuts you out with work, TV, food, alcohol, hobbies, the Internet and so on.
  • You may feel lonely when you are trying to have control over your partner’s feelings by giving yourself up. Being inauthentic in order to control how your partner feels about you does not lead to authentic connection.
  • You may feel lonely with your partner when one or both of you are closed to learning when a conflict arises. The unwillingness to have open communication about important issues creates walls between you.
  • You may feel lonely if you or your partner use your sexual relationship as a form of control.
  • You will feel lonely if you or your partner stays up in your mind rather than being together with open hearts. Intellectualization can be interesting at times, but after a while it can feel flat and lonely.
  • You may feel lonely if your partner judges you regarding your thoughts, feelings, looks or actions. Judgment creates disconnection, and disconnection can be very lonely.
  • You may feel lonely when you or your partner can’t connect due to being overly tired, frazzled and overwhelmed, or ill.

Anything you do or your partner does that disconnects you from yourself and/or your partner may create loneliness. Loneliness goes away when we connect with each other from our hearts. Disconnection occurs anytime one partner closes his or her heart to protect or control.

bench nature love people

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

We stay connected with each other when:

  • We are willing to be vulnerable and authentic, speaking our truth without blame or judgment.
  • We are willing to feel our painful feelings and lovingly manage them and learn from them — taking responsibility for all our feelings rather than avoiding them with protective, controlling behaviors. When we are connected with ourselves, we can connect with our partner.
  • We are willing to learn about ourselves and our partner, especially in conflict.
  • We are caring and compassionate with ourselves and our partner.
  • We make time to be together to talk, play, make love, laugh, learn and grow. We are interested in personal and relationship growth. Time together, and growing in our ability to love ourselves and share our love with each other, are high priorities for both partners.

When each of you is devoted to evolving in your ability to love yourself and each other, your relationship has a high chance of staying connected. Partners who are connected with themselves and each other rarely feel lonely.

(From Are you lonely in your relationship?)

adult affection bed closeness

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

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The sea of emotions

“The sea is emotion incarnate. It loves, hates, and weeps. It defies all attempts to capture it with words and rejects all shackles. No matter what you say about it, there is always that which you can’t.”

Christopher Paolini

From http://siemprefeliz.com

“Emotions are like the sea upon which our ship sails, and we don’t try to control the sea, but instead we control our ship…

Our body is the ship that we are given when we were born, and we can learn more about our body and improve it so that it can sail through life more effectively.

Our mind is the captain of the ship, and we can either have an Ahab or Hook type of captain, or maybe one of the more heroic sea captains, but in any case, it’s up to us to either train or reform our minds to be better leaders and navigators…

Emotions are always flowing, and if it seems like we keep feeling certain emotions over and over, that’s only because we keep guiding our ship in that direction over and over. If we think angry, fearful, or sad thoughts all the time, the sea of emotions we sail through will feel that way…

We’re all sharing the sea of emotions, and we can sail through life however we want. Our work is to navigate our ship in the direction we want to go, exploring the waters, lands, and people that are interesting to us. We don’t need to get bogged down in emotions we don’t enjoy, or engage in naval warfare against someone else. Sometimes we’ll sail together, and sometimes we won’t, but the journey will always be interesting…”

From Getting Better, Man

From http://beinglanterns.com

Have a wonderful journey

🙂

THE END

Are you NORMAL?

From http://www.thepiphanycafe.com/

I was always fascinated with what is considered to be ‘normal’ for us, human beings. As Dr. Eric R. Maisel points out, “This is not an idle question without real-world consequences. The “treatment” of every single “mental disorder” that mental health professionals “diagnose,” from “depression” and “attention deficit disorder” on through “schizophrenia,” flows from how society construes “normal” and “abnormal.” This matter affects tens of millions of people annually; and affects everyone, really, since a person’s mental model of “what is normal?” is tremendously influenced by how society and its institutions define “normal.”

From The Illusion of Normal

The matter of what is normal can’t be and must not be a mere statistical nicety. It can’t be and must not be “normal” to be a Christian just because 95% of your community is Christian. It can’t be and must not be “normal” to own slaves just because all the landowners in your state own slaves. “Normal” can’t mean and must not mean “what we see all the time” or “what we see the most of.” It must have a different meaning from that for it to mean anything of value to right-thinking people.

conformity.jpgFrom http://blog.lib.umn.edu

Nor can it mean “free of discomfort,” as if “normal” were the equivalent of oblivious and you were somehow “abnormal” when you were sentient, human, and real. This, however, is exactly the game played by the mental health industry: it makes this precise, illegitimate switch. It announces that when you feel a certain level of discomfort you are abnormal and you have a disorder. It equates abnormal with unwanted… In this view “normal” is living free of excessive discomfort; “abnormal” is feeling or acting significantly distressed. Normal, in this view, is destroying a village in wartime and not experiencing anything afterward; abnormal is experiencing something, and for a long time thereafter.

Nazi mass murderFrom https://www.hawaii.edu

 The consequences of conscience, reason, and awareness are labeled abnormal and robotic allegiance to wearing a pasted-on smiley face is designated normal. Is that what we really mean? Is that what we really want?”

From What Do We Mean By ‘Normal’?


From http://akyll.deviantart.com

How would you define what is NORMAL
for us, human beings?

Are you NORMAL?

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Where is your home?

I had a few very good friends in the place where I was born but often felt like a stranger there. My heart did not seem to belong to that place, which I used to call home.

I wonder sometimes where my true home is. The image below is probably the closest to how it would look and feel: with rugged coastline, rebellious waves, untamed breeze, soft sand, green bush and a silent hug. A place where you could be what you are: with no need to explain anything, no questions to answer, no crowds to hide from…

West Coast New ZealandFrom http://www.planitnz.com

I’ve been to that place a few times in my life and it always felt like home.

What about you?
Where is your home?
Is your home in the place where you were born?

THE END

Can you feel another person?


From Jesus was the greatest empath… 

Neuroscientists have discovered specialized cells in the brain, called mirror neurons, that spontaneously create brain-to-brain links between people. This means that our brain waves, chemistry and feelings can literally mirror the brain waves, chemistry and feelings of people who we are communicating with, reading stories about, watching on television, or those who we simply have in our thoughts.

We may think that our feelings and emotions are our exclusive property, that they belong to us and that we alone can feel them. However, emotions can easily pass from person to person, like infectious smiling. The way we feel can affect the way other people are feeling.

Imagen
From http://psicotrans.wordpress.com

Some people are so highly sensitive, that they can start feeling the way other people feel. They can start experiencing other people’s feelings as their own feelings. Much of the time this is done unconsciously. 

People commonly put on a show of expression, hiding their true feelings and emotions. Sometimes, people are struggling to understand their own feelings. Highly sensitive people (or empaths) can sense the truth behind the cover and can help that person to better understand and express him/herself, thus making them feel at ease and not so desperately alone.

Friends ( photo by Squirrrel )

Traits of an empath

Empaths are often poets in motion. They are the born writers, singers, and artists with a high degree of creativity and imagination. They are known for many talents as their interests are varied, broad and continual, loving, loyal and humorous. They often have interests in many cultures and view them with a broad-minded perspective.

Empaths are often very affectionate in personality and expression, great listeners and counselors (and not just in the professional area). They will find themselves helping others and often putting their own needs aside to do so.

From http://nspt4kids.com

Empaths are most often passionate towards nature and respect its bountiful beauty. One will often find empaths enjoying the outdoors, beaches, walking, etc. Empaths may find themselves continually drawn to nature as a form of ‘release’ from other people’s feelings. It is the opportune place to recapture their senses and gain a sense of peace in the hectic lives they may live.

From http://www.thegorgeousdaily.com

Empaths are often quiet and can take a while to handle a compliment for they’re more inclined to point out another’s positive attributes.

Empaths have a tendency to openly feel what is outside of them more so than what is inside of them. This can cause empaths to ignore their own needs or get overwhelmed and confused with everything they feel. To make empaths feel better, try helping them to restore their inner balance, re-connect with their own feelings and respect their own needs.

From http://psychcentral.com

In general an empath is non-violent, non-aggressive and leans more towards being the peacemaker. Any area filled with disharmony creates an uncomfortable feeling in an empath. If they find themselves in the middle of a confrontation, they will endeavor to settle the situation as quickly as possible, if not avoid it all together. If any harsh words are expressed in defending themselves, they will likely resent their lack of self-control, and have a preference to peacefully resolve the problem quickly.

Empaths are often problem solvers, thinkers, and studiers of many things. As far as empaths are concerned, where a problem is, so too is the answer. They often will search until they find one – if only for their own peace of mind.

 From https://letmereach.com

Can you feel another person?
Or do you know someone who can feel you?

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 Sources: 

Boys DOn’t CRY

Boys.jpg

From Whisper

Men often feel that they need to be self-reliant and hide their own emotions. This behaviour is reinforced everyday in the stereotype of the heroic male, so often represented in popular culture. Fearless, resourceful, stoic and usually facing adversity alone, these characters tell us a lot about what is considered to be ideal male behaviour within our society.

From http://www.comicvine.com

More powerful than film characters are the roles we see our parents playing. Many men have experienced fathers who were emotionally distant, who rarely, if ever, cried or expressed affection outwardly. The way we see our parents behave becomes the unconscious template for our own behaviour.

This template is further reinforced by the upbringing of boys. From early childhood girls and boys are treated very differently, which most of the time is completely unintentional. For example when a little girl falls over, people will fuss around her crooning condolences ‘are you okay poppet?’, ‘Mummy will kiss it better’ meaning for little girls, it’s acceptable to hurt, and to show emotions and pain. However, with little boys it’s often a quick ‘You’ll be okay, you’re a big boy’ or ‘be a man’ leaving no space for emotional display.

From http://wordsondesert.wordpress.com

The four basic human emotions include:

  • Sadness
  • Anger
  • Happiness
  • Fear

Of these four emotions, happiness is considered the most acceptable in society. Yet anger, fear and sadness are universally felt by everyone. These emotions serve valuable purposes and are normal responses to threat and loss.

As emotions such as fear and sadness are generally not as accepted, men might try to hide these from themselves and those around them. They feel that they should be able cope on their own.

Individuals might try to cope with ‘negative’ emotions in one or more of the following ways:

  • Withdrawing from family and friends
  • Working longer hours
  • Spending more time away from home
  • Consuming more alcohol
  • Behaving recklessly and/or violently

We might not always be able to identify what we’re feeling or have the words to describe our emotions. Men may feel uncomfortable talking to someone about them, leading to frustration in relationships when they cannot express their needs, fears and grief.

man

From http://darkside-of-felix.deviantart.com

Why talk about it?

The restriction of emotional expression in many men’s lives can lead to:

  • A greater sense of isolation
  • Less support being available from loved ones
  • Health issues due to carrying chronic tension in the body and other bad coping strategies
  • Relationship difficulties due to an inability to resolve emotional conflicts and/or a perceived lack of ability to be intimate
  • Psychological problems such as depression, insomnia and anxiety.


From http://www.doctorpat.org

Getting in touch

Men are often told they have to ‘get in touch with their feelings,’ but what does this really mean and how do you do it? Here are some strategies for getting to know your own feelings better:

  • Be aware of the sensations in your body. Emotion always manifests somewhere in the body. Anger might be experienced as a flush of heat in the face, sadness as a tightening of the throat, anxiety as a knot in the stomach. Take a moment to acknowledge the feeling(s) and take a few breaths to help identify these sensations and understand what they mean.
  • If you are feeling angry, ask yourself what other emotions you might be feeling? Are you really sad underneath, or afraid?
  • Learn to put words to what you are feeling. Often it helps to write down or brainstorm ideas before a conversation.
  • Identifying and expressing feelings is a learnt behaviour – and like driving a car, it only takes practice.
  • Take the risk of showing your vulnerability with people who you feel safe with. Give yourself permission to be human, it could bring you closer to others and may even bring a sense of relief.
  • Ask for help when you need it.

From Men and Emotions

Man selecting from different facial expressions, illustrating the advice "get in touch with your feelings."
From http://www.oh-i-see.com

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Related posts:

The Power of Touch

From http://shareinspirequotes.tumblr.com

In recent years, a wave of studies has documented some incredible emotional and physical health benefits that come from touch. This research is suggesting that touch is truly fundamental to human communication, bonding, and health.

The benefits of touch start from the moment we’re born. A review of research, conducted by Tiffany Field, a leader in the field of touch, found that preterm newborns who received just three 15-minute sessions of touch therapy each day for 5-10 days gained 47 percent more weight than premature infants who’d received standard medical treatment.

From http://www.lookymommy.com

As Kelly Bartlett points out, being regularly physically affectionate with kids of all ages helps maintain the emotional connection they share with their parents. When that bond remains strong, challenging behavioral situations decrease and discipline becomes less intense overall.

From http://www.everydayfamily.com

Games involving person-to-person contact (e.g. horsey rides, piggy back rides, wrestling, tag etc.)  promote the release of positive brain chemicals and bring families closer together in a fun, physical way.

How To Advise A Couple Starting A FamilyFrom http://www.investopedia.com

As children grow and become more independent and social, opportunities for cuddling naturally diminish, and it becomes important for parents to take extra effort to find ways to physically connect with them. Reading to a child or even watching a movie on the couch is a wonderful way to get close, as it invites leaning into, lying on, snuggling, touching, and arm-wrapping.

From http://hopesays.wordpress.com

And educators, take note: A study by French psychologist Nicolas Gueguen has found that when teachers pat students in a friendly way, those students are three times as likely to speak up in class.


From http://seattletimes.com

Touch is very important for adults too. According to scientists, touch reduces both physiological and perceived stress; touch causes one’s stress hormones, such as cortisol, to decrease while causing other hormones, like oxytocin, to increase which promote social bonding and wellness.

Happy friends
From http://www.oprah.com

According to Dacher Keltner, touch is our primary language of compassion, and a primary means for spreading compassion. In fact, in his research he has found that people can not only identify love, gratitude, and compassion from touches but can differentiate between those kinds of touch, something people haven’t done as well in studies of facial and vocal communication.


From http://www.artofmanliness.com

Interestingly enough, two gender differences have been identified in Dacher Keltner’s research:

  • when a woman tried to communicate anger to a man via touch, he got zero right—he had no idea what she was doing!
  • when a man tried to communicate compassion to a woman via touch, she didn’t know what was going on!

It might seem surprising, but touch may mean more to men than they let on: A 2011 study by the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction polled more than 1,000 men and their female partners in five countries about the power of touch and found that for men between the ages of 40 and 70, regular cuddling was more important than sex. The more men hugged and kissed, the happier they considered their relationships.


From http://sarahjwatsonmassagetherapy.tumblr.com/

There are times—during intense grief or fear, but also in ecstatic moments of joy or love—when only the language of touch can fully express what we feel. This video is an invitation for people to relearn the power of touch. There’s much to be gained from embracing our tactile sense—in particular, more positive interactions and a deeper sense of connection with others.

Did you touch someone today?

😉

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Happiness is YOU

“The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things.”

Henry Ward Beecher

Children
From DIVYAA68

“We all want to live happy and fulfilling lives and we want the people we love to be happy too. So happiness matters to all of us.

Happiness is about our lives as a whole: it includes the fluctuating feelings we experience everyday but also our overall satisfaction with life. It is influenced by our genes, upbringing and our external circumstances – such as our health, our work and our financial situation. But crucially it is also heavily influenced by our choices – our inner attitudes, how we approach our relationships, our personal values and our sense of purpose….

The research shows that happiness and fulfilment come less from material wealth and more from relationships; less from focusing on ourselves and more from helping others; less from external factors outside our control and more from the way in which we choose to react to what happens to us.”

 From Action for Happiness

Happiness quoteFrom Notable Quotes

Can happiness survive in one of the coldest parts of the world? Check out this video of -50C happiness from Yakutia –  part of the Russian Federation known for its extreme climate. Winters here are extremely cold. Some of the lowest natural temperatures ever recorded have been here. The Northern Hemisphere’s Pole of Cold is at Verkhoyansk, where the temperatures reached as low as −67.8 °C (−90.0 °F) in 1892, and at Oymyakon, where the temperatures reached as low as −71.2 °C (−96.2 °F) in 1926.

Happy Easter! 🙂 

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