Divorce is one of the most difficult experiences a person can have. No one ever enters a divorce with joy and glee. Prior to the decision to divorce someone there has been a lot of hurt. Once you get to the divorce phase of the relationship you have already been through quite an agonizing process of grief and disappointment. Once it is all said and done, how do you proceed?
Be gentle with yourself. Showing yourself compassion as you work your way through the divorce will help you get through it a whole lot more quickly than if you’re impatient with yourself.
Don’t dwell on the past. Dwelling on the past keeps you there. Just like you can’t drive a car forward by staring in the rearview mirror, you can’t move your life forward if you’re focusing on the past. You can’t change the past. The best you can do is learn from it.
View your divorce is as an important lesson about relationships. You and your ex were in a relationship that didn’t make it. The relationship failed and you can learn from it – if you choose to. Once you decide to learn from your failed marriage instead of labelling yourself as a failure, you will regain confidence in yourself and your ability to have a successful relationship in the future.
Look forward. There is no point in focusing on the past. Picture yourself shutting the door on your marriage, visualizing it as a room you are leaving. See yourself entering a new room, full of possibilities and hope.
Clean house. It is time to get your life in order. Cleaning house is both literal and figurative. Take care of unfinished business. Organize your home. Whatever you have left unattended because of the emotional turmoil the divorce has caused you, now is the time to start putting the pieces back together.
Connect with your children. The divorce has impacted your entire family; this includes your children. Your children probably have no idea how to heal from what happened in their lives and probably have no idea what to do with their feelings. The best thing you can do is lean in to your relationship with your children and be there for them and with them.
Surround yourself with nurturing people. And definitively say “no” to those who are not providing you comfort. Now is the time to look at expanding or remodeling your social circle. Look for people who are happy, positive and self-assured in their own lives. While going the solo route can feel lonely, it’s also an incredible opportunity to develop a more grounded, fulfilling life.
Create a new normal. Now that you are no longer part of a marriage, you have a new reality. You are single and independent. You can do whatever you want. You no longer have to share your decisions with your spouse.
Develop your confidence. Divorce has a way of corroding your confidence. Regardless, you still have tremendous qualities that you can and should feel really great about. Figure out what you really like about yourself and remind yourself of these things daily.
Don’t close your door to love. Lastly, as you recover from divorce, don’t close the door to love and throw away the key! Allow yourself to meet new people and be open to the chance of falling in love again. Divorce is not the end of your life. Don’t allow your fears to prevent you from finding your happiness.
Yes, getting a divorce is difficult, but so is staying in an unhealthy marriage. It is hard to face, but it is helpful to know that you’re not alone… Getting divorced hurts, but you will recover and have a better future as you go through the healing process.
What helped you to heal through your divorce?
Adapted from:
- Healing from divorce
- How to recover from divorce
- Ten steps to recover from divorce
- 9 Steps To Conscious Healing After Breakup Or Divorce
Otrazhenie 
These are good guidelines. I would add, allow yourself a short period to mourn. No matter how bad the marriage was, it is still like experiencing a death when the divorce is final. Mourn, then move on.
Very good point. Thanks.
I was quite surprised after a few years when someone asked me ‘how do you feel now after these years have gone by after my divorce’ and I said I feel fine now. But even a couple of years after that I looked back and could see that some parts take quite some time to deal with, and usually those parts that our fears are a part of, the loss or rejection of us etc.
Great post dear lady, thank you for sharing. This would have been a Godsend 20 years ago 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋
You went a long way in those 20 years, Mark!
Yes, most certainly dear lady. Life makes us look deeper until we find the key to re-open a damaged heart. On that day a greater love we will not find 😀 ❤️ 🙏🏽 🦋
I have been there and I was in despair. Its definitely one of the most terrible feelings. Didn’t cope well. I wish I had this post to read at that point of time. Very well-written and helpful
But will end by saying…..some scars are eternal.
so sorry to hear about your painful experience with divorce 😞
A very thoughtful and well written post. I left my first husband 26 years ago. I wouldn’t say I was filled with glee but I was definitely filled with relief. Even at that, you made a number of good points that I can definitely relate to.