I like this quote by Ram Dass, though not all people I see as trees. Some are more like bushes to me, others – tumbleweeds that roll wherever wind blows them… with neither roots, nor attachments in life…
Tomas and Sabina from ‘The Unbearable Lightness of Being’ look like such tumbleweeds to me… so light, so fun and always on the run to flee any attachments and stay free… A very heavy burden for demisexual Tereza who can’t separate sexual attraction and lust from love and emotional connection…
This ”lightness of being’ philosophy however is not new… For centuries it was practiced by the rich and powerful. Only they could afford it, often at the expense of common people as reflected in one of the Russian proverb from the “good old days”: “Do not promote me to Corporal, but do not touch my wife”…
In modern Western societies the ‘lightness of being’ philosophy of casual relationships is becoming more common. It is often associated with earlier stages in life, with exploring life before making long-term choices and settling in.
While such behaviour is no longer considered ‘abnormal’ as it does not violate norms of the modern Western society, it can cause the person distress if ‘avoidant’ style of attachments starts dominating person’s life, preventing that person from forming deep meaningful relationships, having family and children.
According to Darlene Lancer, “around 25 percent of the population has avoidant attachment style. People with avoidant attachment style avoid closeness and value their independence and self-sufficiency more than intimacy. They can enjoy closeness — to a limit. In relationships, they act self-sufficient and self-reliant and aren’t comfortable sharing feelings. They protect their freedom and delay commitment. Once committed, they create mental distance with ongoing dissatisfaction about their relationship, focusing on their partner’s minor flaws or reminiscing about their single days or another idealised relationship…
Although most people don’t change their attachment style, it can be altered to be more or less secure depending upon experiences and conscious effort. To change your style to be more secure, seek relationships with others who are capable of a secure attachment. You can easily spot them as they radiate warmth. Loving comes naturally to them. They accept people’s minor shortcomings and treat them with love and respect. They don’t play games or manipulate but are direct and able to openly and assertively share their needs and feelings.”
You can also try the following:
- Heal your shame and raise your self-esteem.
- Learn to be assertive rather than aggressive or passive-aggressive.
- Be authentic and direct. Don’t play games or try to manipulate your partner’s interest.
- Practice acceptance of yourself and others to become less faultfinding
Attachment style affects all aspects of the relationship, including sex life. Resolve all barriers to intimacy and don’t let the ‘lightness of being’ to become unbearable…
I loved this…thanks so much for sharing!
Glad that you liked this post 🙂
I’m attached to my lightness of being…my higher self. That must be self love then 😀
And you are so right about tree’s, we accept them merrily but when it comes to people we are so ‘onguard’ and judgemental from the fears that we allow to surface.
Great post 😀
Enjoy your self-love 😀
Thank you 🙂 I’m glad my article was a good source for you 🙂
Thanks for your post. Enjoyed reading it 🙂
You are welcome 🙂
Hi, this is great, and thanks for visiting my site 💛
… so, on your “about” page, it says:
“This is my “collection” of poems, prose and images, but I did not create them and it is not my intention to gain credit for them.”
Is the writing in this article yours, then, i.e. fresh, though from other (nicely listed!) sources? Or is it a repost?
Either way, it’s excellent….
I love tree-spirits and Ram Dass and the book, The Unbearable Lightness of Being… and quite agree with your article’s take on philosophy 👌
It is probably time for me to update the ‘About’ page. 🙂 When I started my blog in 2012, it was mostly a collection of poems and prose written by other people (e.g. Dostoevsky, Shakespeare, Lermontov etc.). These days it’s mostly my thoughts with references to the sources that support my ideas. Any ‘reposted’ content from other sources is clearly marked with quotation marks and includes links to articles and posts they were taken from. 🙂
Ahh, okay, well, very cool, and much kudos… I think it’s so interesting to see your post about Kundera’s book because it’s been on my mind so much lately… your post is a great synergy of like-minded things to me, thanks for sharing. 🙏😊
A decade or so ago I watched the movie based on his book – did not have a chance to read Kundera’s book yet. It is on my ‘to do’ list. Finishing reading ‘Being Mortal’ at the moment. Very thought-provoking book too. I posted an excerpt from this book on my blog a week ago: https://otrazhenie.wordpress.com/2020/01/11/when-we-get-old/
I loved your extremely interesting post. I especially enjoyed the video on attachment. I have never read Kundera’s book, or seen the film, so am intrigued.
Glad that you enjoyed this post. Have a look on YouTube – you might be able to find the full version of this film there.
Thank you. I will do so.
Thank you too for liking my post, as it led me to your wonderful site.
The pleasure is mine. Glad that we met in the blogosphere 🙂