Silent Love…

Silent love…. That feels so much like my dad…

My dad was not mute  – he simply hardly ever talked. I mean, hardly ever talked about things that really mattered. May be, it was only with me. Probably, it was only because of my gender. No, he did not mind my gender. I suspect he simply did not know how to talk to me, because I was of a different gender. All the gender-based stereotypes did not make it easier for him either.

He probably thought (or was told) that women knew better how to bring up daughters, that women knew better what makes girls happy – after all, they are the same gender, they are from the same planet Venus. I wondered about that sometimes. We seemed to be from very different planets with my mum. In fact, at times it felt like we were from completely different galaxies.

Mother and teenage daughterFrom

Interestingly enough, it seemed to be obvious to everyone else that I was a true daddy’s daughter from the moment I was born into this world. I looked like him, I saw the world like him, I was quiet like him. Even my hot temper and tendency to over-react or get over-agitated over minor things, I bet,  came from him, as well as my rebellious free-thinking mind.

I also never behaved like a ‘typical’ girl. Things that mattered to other girls, like pretty dolls and fancy dresses, were hardly ever touched in my room. Shopping, cooking and girlish chats never interested me either.

In fact, all females in my family were puzzled and not sure what to do with me. My nanna’s announcement on my 30th birthday expressed that frustration so well: “Eureka. Finally I got it – you are simply not a girl. We thought you’ll eventually turn into one once you settle with family and children. Alas, it only made you worse…”

I could not stop laughing: it took 30 years for the nurture to finally give up on changing my nature…


Though my dad hardly ever talked, I could always feel a very strong invisible bond between us. Looking back I can clearly see now how much he was trying to do for me, quietly, silently, behind the scene, like a true guardian angel. I can clearly see now, how much he influenced me as a person,  shaping my nature without forcing me into a stereotypical mould. I can clearly see now how he was trying to give me choices in life – choices to ensure I’ll be happy. I can clearly feel his silent love…



20 thoughts on “Silent Love…

  1. Wonderful! It touched our heart. Thank you for posting your deep emotions.

  2. FlorenceT says:

    You are not alone there 🙂

  3. viewpacific says:

    I’m a Dad and one that believes actions speak louder than words. I’m not perfect, and I know that my daughters watch my every move as they choose how they live. I’m happy to report that they’re growing up to be wonderful people, better than their old man.

    • Otrazhenie says:

      Glad that your daughters are growing up to be wonderful people. The best proof that you were (and still are) an awesome dad for them. 🙂

      So true. Actions do speak louder than words, though sometimes it might take a bit longer to understand their meaning. 😉

  4. satzie says:

    That’s a wonderful video. I saw it for around two or three times and my eyes ran out of water.

    It reminded me of my girl friend. Sometimes she talks like chatterbox, sometimes a little silent. I’m sure she would have felt so much of pain like the father. 😦

    I think its just your fathers nature to remain silent at certain matters. He might not be the same with others. But i’m more likely to be sure that its just his nature towards close ones. And natures can change and improve.

    Good post Otrazhenie 🙂

    • Otrazhenie says:

      Funnily enough, I think I got that part of his nature too, which does not make verbal communication easier between us two. 🙂 I wish sometimes I could tap directly into his brain, bypassing words. He had an amazing life – would love to learn more about his experiences, what he saw and thought.

      • satzie says:

        As life progresses, some doors gets unlocked. You and your father would definitely figure out ways to make things better. Though its kinda uncomfortable when seen from inside, like you said its pretty funny from outside.

        Oh no! If you communicate such way, he would freak out. But that would also be pretty cool.

  5. Mélanie says:

    lucky you… 🙂 parents of your papa’s generation were not “demonstrative”, they used to hide their feelings or emotions, very few did show affection to/for their kids… in a way, strong, deep and lasting feelings don’t always need lots of words… 🙂
    * * *
    our 2 “old babies” have always appreciated our demonstrative attitude and they’re warmhearted, loving, affectionate… 🙂

  6. rageemah says:

    Beautiful post…enjoyed it to the max….ur Dad sounds a lot like mine…God, Bless their sweet souls…love this post

  7. Lovely, thank you. I didn’t need English words to understand that video one bit. My dad also didn’t seem to realise I was just like him. He might know it now – glad I still have him to talk with.

  8. I loved this post. I am a lot like you. I was born in the middle of five boys and always felt that their toys were more fun to play with.
    I am a daddys girl to the core and followed him everywhere.
    As I look back over my life, I am thankful that I did follow him.
    My husband deserted me and my 4 kids, but I had the skills to care for them myself because I had learned to fix things from my dad.
    I am not a girly girl either, and I love that.
    So glad our paths have crossed.
    I look forward to reading more of your writings.

  9. […] My father never told me… he was not a talkative man… but the way he looked at me, the way he treated me made me feel that way. I never stop admiring how my dad seemed to always intuitively know what was the best for me, without reading any fancy parenting books or having any teaching degrees. I never stopped feeling his silent love. […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s