Jealousy: cure that disease to save your love


“People commonly take blatant jealousy to be a sign of true affection and commitment. “Isn’t that sweet?” they might say. “He’s trying so hard to protect your relationship. He must really care.”

Well, not so fast. Jealousy is a sign all right — but what it points to is trouble ahead.

Jealousy in Relationships

Here are three reasons why:

Jealousy signals a lack of confidence in oneself:

If you are certain that everyone your partner meets through the day is smarter, wittier, better-looking, and more fun than you — and therefore a threat to steal away your beloved — that is strong incentive to keep him or her on a short leash. Limiting exposure to potential competitors becomes a high-stakes battle for relationship survival — or so you think.

The truth is, no amount of pouty possessiveness will keep you safe. In fact, it is far more likely to damage your relationship than any of your so-called shortcomings. The best defense? Get to work on your self-esteem. 😉


Jealousy signals a lack of trust in one’s partner.

No one reaches adulthood without suffering a broken heart along the way. That means we each carry around a bucket full of painful memories. We sift it for clues as to what went wrong and strategies for preventing a repeat performance. After a hurtful betrayal, trust is the first thing to go and the last to return — even in a brand-new relationship. Jealous behavior is a way of saying, “You must prove you won’t hurt me too. Until then I’m going to watch you very closely.” But it’s impossible for anyone to prove what they won’t do — and unfair to expect them to try. Here’s a better approach: “You are free to be yourself. I will trust you until you give me a reason not to.”

Trust is the glue that holds together any committed, loving relationship. Jealousy is a solvent that corrodes trust, dissolving the bond that keeps two lovers united.


Jealousy signals an unhealthy need for control.

Rival lovers aren’t the only thing that can threaten a jealous person. Chances are, a suspicious individual will also seek to limit anything in his partner’s life that doesn’t include him: time spent with friends, family, or pursuing solitary hobbies and interests.

Jealousy is all about trying to restrict, manipulate, and monitor another person’s behavior and choices. Look out if your relationship is increasingly filled with questions such as, “Where were you? Why were you talking to him? Who sent you that text message? You heard from that person on Facebook again?” Insecurity often leads one person to attempt to orchestrate situations to eliminate perceived threats, but this kind of treatment is toxic over the long haul. Indeed, jealous behavior early on may be a harbinger of even tighter control as the relationship progresses.

SnK - Chained Love by RizaLa

A relationship thrives on freedom—the freedom for individuals to grow and develop, to be authentic and genuine, to pursue new opportunities. Unfounded jealousy is a stranglehold sure to suffocate any romantic relationship. Want a lasting, healthy love relationship? Make sure both partners have the space, encouragement, and autonomy to be who they are — without someone else watching every breath and movement.”


From eHarmony

* * *

Life is one big road with lots of signs.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
 So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
 Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
 Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br />
Wake Up and Live!  - Bob Marley


Wake up and Live ! 😉


25 thoughts on “Jealousy: cure that disease to save your love

  1. satzie says:

    Good post.
    I like the quote on trust & love – the one with rose picture.
    I also like the video – particularly the second step the narrator explains. I’m not sure if it works or not – but I liked the way it was animated and explained. I also had laughs when the girl threw her cup over the other. Good video.
    When I felt jealousy in relationship for the first time, I thought the same, that it is because of lack of self esteem. But as days passed, I realized that jealousy could ALSO BE because of unquenched love – ( i.e ) [ Either one of the partner, loves(affection,care) someone outside the relationship much than the one inside] / [either one of the partner is unable to realize and feel the love of the other. ]
    Jealousy could also happen because of a [ win-lose / lose-win ] attitude. I came across this in a book that I’m currently reading. The author points out that we live in a world, where most of the situations are looked like a game (i.e) like “I” want to win. When one person wins, it obviously results in another person’s lose. And when one person loses, it results in other persons win. Victory is seen as one sided. When it is one sided; it could build hatred, jealousy on the other side. The author says that where co-operation, love and peace are needed/expected; one needs to opt for a win-win attitude. A win-win attitude means both/all wins. The author “Covey Stephen” explains various types of attitudes [ win – lose, lose – win, win – win, lose – lose, no deal ] . He says that each attitude has its own place, depending upon the situation. But when both the persons involved in a relationship understands mutual growth is essential, they need to develop the “win-win” attitude. And because we live with a win-lose attitude, when some other person succeeds, deep inside we get a feel of defeat, and hence hatred, jealousy builds.

  2. Mélanie says:

    yes, it’a a serious disease, a heavy burden, like possessiveness, brrr! in fact, such people don’t trust themselves, lack of self-esteem and self-respect… they do need professional help, otherwise their life with their partner(s) may really turn into a nightmare…
    * * *
    I totally agree with Sting’s famous statement(song):”if you love somebody, set them free!” 🙂 Btw, my beloved one and I have never been control “freaks” or possessive and we’ve been together for several decades… 🙂

    • Otrazhenie says:

      Loved your comment, Melanie. So true – no relationship can survive in a cage or in chains. Glad that you have such an awesome relationship with your beloved one. I wish you both many more happy decades together 🙂

  3. bkpyett says:

    Great post and so true!

  4. I so agree with this. My first serious relationship lasted two years, but during that time I wasn’t even allowed to greet a female friend in the street without being asked, “Where have you been with her? Getting off with fella’s.” The man I met and married is totally different and so we’ve been married 49 years this year.

    • Otrazhenie says:

      Two years? You are a real hero to last that long in such a relationship. 😦

      For me personally if there is no trust and respect, there can’t be a relationship.

      Glad that your husband is not like that. 49 years together!!! Very impressive milestone. All the best to you and your wonderful husband 🙂

  5. mommyx4boys says:

    My husband likes it when I get jealous, I guess it proves to him that I still think he’s hott, but I dont get like angry jealous i just pick at him, if I see another woman checking him out, he will turn to me and smile real big, and thats usually when I call him a man – hoe. Or if he is going out and he looks a little to good, i’ll holler at him and say yous a hoe. Lol

  6. frayboy says:

    Nice… very nice 🙂

  7. malootka says:

    Reblogged this on truthionary.

  8. Aphrodite says:

    Reblogged this on Aphrodite's Musings and commented:
    Great post on jealousy.

  9. Healing Slowly says:

    I was betrayed by my family so very early on in my life. Most of it left me with zero self-esteem. I hated myself. I believed that nobody would ever love me. Given that history, you’d think I’d be the sort to be jealous. Strangely, it really hasn’t been a huge deal for me. I was jealous over one guy when I was a teen. I was madly in love with him (or so I thought). He was my best friend, and I would often get jealous of his girlfriends. But I didn’t exhibit that jealousy. I didn’t corner him or constantly question him about his girlfriends. A huge part of that, was that I was so convinced that I was unlovable, that I was willing to have him in my life to whatever degree I could, no matter what it might cost me emotionally. With my wasband, I never experienced any jealousy. This was probably due to the fact that, if I’m honest, I never really loved him. I tried to love him, because of my fear of being alone forever. He started out treating me like I mattered, and I was so desperate to matter, that I chose to marry him, even after a major red flag incident during our dating period. Fast forward to my current husband. He loves me so well, that I never have to doubt how much I’m loved, or to what depth. He has proven over and over how deep his love is for me. So if other women want to flirt with him, it doesn’t bother me in the least. If he thinks other women are attractive, I don’t mind at all. One cannot, in any realistic sense, expect any human being to cease to be attracted to other people simply because they’re in a relationship. For me, knowing that other women find my husband to be attractive, sexy and desirable, is a major stroke to my vanity. Bring it on ladies! I have always been, and will most likely always be, a nonconformist. I have serious trust issues. My husband has proven to me that I can trust him with everything. To say he had to work hard for that trust, is a gross understatement. He is the love of my life, and I was 38 years old when he came into my life. He’s the best gift I’ve ever received. Thank you for this very educational and spot-on post about what jealousy stems from. I really enjoyed reading it.

    • Otrazhenie says:

      Glad that you found this post helpful and sorry to hear your sad story. I’m so glad that you found such amazing man in your life, who loves you so much and whom you can trust in everything. You both are so lucky with each other 🙂

  10. nataliasarabia says:

    Jealousy to me is such a malicious feeling and yet everyone has experience it at some point in their lives and personally I feel ashamed when ever I do fell like that. Then after a while I just decide to focus on who I am and in what I have accomplished on my own. As far as jealousy for a partner well, I’ve never felt that type of feeling you see… I’ve never been in love so …

    • Otrazhenie says:

      Loved your comment. You are right – we all have experienced jealousy at some point. I do feel ashamed too when I ever feel like that and try to do my best to change that. Jealousy in love is pretty similar to any other jealousy. Very malicious and potentially disastrous feeling, that can totally ‘blind’ the person, who is experiencing it.

  11. nataliasarabia says:

    Jealousy to me is such a malicious feeling and yet everyone has experience it at some point in their lives and personally I feel ashamed when ever I do fell like that. Then after a while I just decide to focus on who I am and in what I have accomplished on my own. As far as jealousy for a partner well, I’ve never felt that type of feeling you see… I’ve never been in love so …

  12. Ajaytao2010 says:

    It takes courage to love
    but you get pain
    while in love
    mind creates confusion
    love is the purifying fire
    which purifies the soul
    trust is the refining catalyst
    those who love really
    know it by heart
    the inner voice always
    keeps faith
    heart always believes


    this poem I had written recently
    I am posting it today
    it speaks about the recent
    condition of my heart

    Thank you dear for sharing this post 🙂

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