Don’t forget to unpack your baggage ;-)


Dragging old baggage around with you can taint the most promising relationship. Living with someone who is carrying excess baggage can feel a little like walking on egg shells; never knowing what will trigger the next blow out. Since it is impossible for your partner to ever be perfect enough to not trigger your baggage, it is wise to unpack.

From http://relationshiprevelations

A few tips for unpacking your baggage are provided below:

1. Accept and release your anger. Accept that it is healthy to feel anger about negative experiences and losses. Accept that you feel angry for a reason, acknowledge that you have a right to feel how you feel. Then choose to deal constructively with your anger and find a way to release that feeling, rather than allowing it to turn to bitterness.

Let The Anger, Fear, Frustration Fuel YouFrom 15 Motivational Fitness Quotes

2. Rid yourself of reminders. Give back, give away, sell or discard the physical reminders of old hurts. If you are hanging onto stuff that brings you pain each time you use or see it, it may be time to clean house. It can be helpful as a symbolic way to say I am choosing to let go of the past, or to free myself from its grasp.


3. Break the pattern. Carrying old baggage can mean that your partner gets painted with the same brush as your ex. If they say or do anything that even reminds you of something from the past, all that build up hurt and anger falls on them like a ton of bricks. Choose to be in the present and to deal with your current relationship and remember that your partner is not your ex or your parents or whoever else hurt you in the past.


4. Forgive yourself. It is important to accept responsibility for the hurtful things that you did or said in past relationships and to learn from mistakes that you made. Remember that you are only responsible for things that you can control. Choose to learn from your past and forgive yourself, rather than beating yourself up. Accept that, in whatever situation you found yourself, you did the best you could at the time.


5. Forgive others. Forgiving those who have hurt you frees you from carrying their baggage with you. You do not forgive them because they deserve to be forgiven or to give them peace of mind; you forgive them because you deserve to be free of them and you deserve peace of mind. Forgiveness can be difficult and sometimes takes years, but it really is the most effective way to unpack your baggage.


Get help if needed. If you strongly feel that your past is interfering with your present and stopping you from having the future that you want, it may be wise to seek help from a professional. Sometimes your partner can help you unpack and sometimes you just need a little extra help.

From Unpack Your Baggage for a Great Relationship
by Susan Derry




43 thoughts on “Don’t forget to unpack your baggage ;-)

  1. Kate Spyder says:

    I don’t believe in coincidences. I see your post as a sign that I was right to choose now to post a part of my story, which I had hesitated to do until now. If you would like to take a look, just click on my name. Thanks for the sign and the reminder to clear out old baggage.

  2. Mélanie says:

    if you knew how many times I’ve heard the same sentence:”I did forgive, but I can’t forget…” – so, where’s “le juste milieu” again?!… hard and quite delicate to find it…

  3. I couldn’t help but notice a similarity between our posts today O. This is an excellent post, our baggage weighs us down when in fact we can let it go by forgiving ourselves and others. It is important for us to move on in life, for in that way we can see the new opportunities that may well come our way.

    • Otrazhenie says:

      I got inspired by your post today. I started my post a few weeks ago, but never got to completing it until I saw your post today. It is impossible to move on while dragging all that old baggage. 🙂

  4. outragedandunfiltered says:

    Reblogged this on Rants of a Raging Bitch and commented:
    Wise words for moving on.

  5. Great post, baggage can also hold other surprises especially when you open them up having stored them away and find that what is inside no longer has the same effect. As we get older we do look at certain things with a different perspective.

  6. Ajaytao2010 says:

    Very good post dear 🙂

  7. Love your use of dialog with pictures. Such good advice, but hard to act on it at times. I still keep finding baggage I thought I had rid myself of permanently. Seems some bags we have to keep unpacking.

  8. Ascension Angels says:

    Reblogged this on Ascension Angels and commented:
    Thank you for sharing this wisdom Otrazhenie 🙂

  9. […] Don’t forget to unpack your baggage ;-). […]

  10. This is a great post. It was a blessing to read. I have been metaphorical in my writing, my blogging, my teaching, and my counseling. This was refreshing, and it resonates with my soul. Thank you for taking time to visit my blog. Peace, T

  11. I have found that a metaphorical cremation of an unwanted memory gets rid of it.

  12. hmmkiki says:

    Good to see practical steps!

  13. eecchick says:

    Reblogged this on EEC Chick and commented:
    Some food for thought.

  14. simplady says:

    Such an important message and very nicely done! Thanks for sharing this!

  15. There is a wonderful song by Helena McNeill called “Letting You Go”. It is worthwhile to listen to and purchase this song: really meaningful when it comes to forgiveness and I believe this song helps. Here is a post I have wrote about forgiveness as well.

  16. Jenni says:

    Very thoughtful post and insightful

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