Love, intimacy and desire


What is intimacy?

The feeling of being in a close personal and affectionate association and belonging together… of a bond that is formed through knowledge and experience of the other…

From itisonlyacuddle

Recent research shows there are different areas of intimacy.

Intimacy 2

Intellectual intimacy

On this level, you can converse with your partner about current events, share ideas and thoughts, even debate political and religious topics. Both of you are able to add to the conversation through exchange of thoughts and ideas.

Senior Couple at home. Part of a series
Intellectual intimacy

Recreational intimacy

This is about recreational activities that the two of you enjoy participating in, whether  individually, or together.

Recreational Intimacy

Social intimacy

It’s totally okay for you to have your own friends, and he have his, as long as the two of you have some “common” friends. Couple friendships can be an added bonus to a relationship by being a sounding board, providing feedback and accountability.


Spiritual intimacy 

This is where you, as a pair, grow deeper together. While this area of intimacy is the most subjective, due to the various religious backgrounds and practices you may have, it is still a very important component. In my opinion, it’s one of the most important, since a blossoming relationship is spiritual in nature at its core.

Spiritual intimacy

Emotional intimacy

Emotional intimacy is a psychological event that happens when the trust level and communication between two people is so deep that it breeds the mutual sharing of each other’s innermost selves. It is unrestrained mutual self disclosure.

In our most intimate relationships, we expect to be accepted as we are, respected, worthy, and even admired in the eyes of our mate. We would like our relationship to be a safe haven for us when we are worn and tired. We want a place of compassion and support.

Emotional Intimacy

Physical intimacy

Sexual expression is part of our hard-wiring and can be both exhilarating and invigorating for a couple, use in the right context.

Desire 1

It’s important to realize that having a sex life doesn’t have to mean having sexual intercourse. Intimate contact of any kind with your spouse is what is important and necessary. Human beings are by nature sexual creatures with an innate desire to touch, cuddle and feel.


In recent years, a large number of couples have focused mainly on the physical part of a relationship, reducing intimacy into a series of positions and practices, rather than focusing on holistically expanding a solid relationship in all areas of intimacy.

An essential ingredient of intimacy is allowing your spouse to be himself (or herself) without striving to conform him (or her) to your ideals.

In intimacy, we try to grow closer together, not to eliminate the “otherness,” but to enjoy it. Men and women are different and we must not, even with good intentions, seek to destroy those differences.

Mars Venus
From Mars vs Venus

What keeps us from experiencing intimacy? All of us are egocentric; the world revolves around us. Yet, when we focus on self, we lose intimacy.

The opposite of self-centeredness, then, is love. Love concentrates on the well-being of the spouse. We take time to listen to the thoughts, feelings, and desires of our spouse. We seek to understand and to respond with empathy. We choose to do things with each other, even things that may not be our favorite activities, simply because we want to be with each other.




18 thoughts on “Love, intimacy and desire

  1. Jenni says:

    brilliant post, so many people think in terms of sexuality when it comes to intimacy and miss the many different and fulfilling ways that intimacy can enhance a life.

  2. Glimmerella says:

    It’s great that you explored the different forms of intimacy and I completely agree with your descriptions. Especially when you said “Men and women are different and we must not, even with good intentions, seek to destroy those differences.” I can relate to your post. It is important that we accept each other’s flaws and differences because it is also that which contributed to how you learn to like each other. Otherwise, it would have ended a long time ago.

    My hubby and I agree that you shouldn’t change a person to suit your criteria but you can a) inspire them to be better like encouraging him/her to learn a language or to finish school or b) tell your partner if something is wrong and if your relationship is strong then improvements will be made. He tells me never to plant the seed because if it grows then it will seek to ruin our relationship instead of fixing it.

  3. friendsoulmate says:

    Reblogged this on WorldwideFriends and commented:
    An interesting post from Otrazhenie.

  4. Mélanie says:

    very interesting, Miss O… 🙂 – as “Love – the only LIFE in this world…”(Anne Hébert)
    * * *
    I started an article on this topic a few weeks ago, but I haven’t gotten time enough to finish it… wait and see! 🙂
    * * *
    my very best and same heartfelt feelings… ❤

  5. harvestmuse says:

    Excellent piece; the video said it all.

    Thank you.

  6. exactly… “Love concentrates on the well-being” – now
    and when necessary, if we got side tracked — we must make right the past to get restored into the now together.

  7. Love your site! Thanks for reading my article. Get the Most Out of Life.

  8. Reblogged this on Teacher as Transformer and commented:
    We each need love in our lives. Even when we are not physically together, love flows across the time and space as waves and particles. You feel the sensations as immediately and with a powerful sense of being part of something not easily explained and put into words.

  9. Benjamin 0 says:

    Wow. Thank you for giving me more depth to my understanding of intimacy. I had a friend tell me that she didn’t know what intimacy meant as we sat intertwined on a love seat discussing the potential for our relationship to become more physical. It was surreal to me, and painted a picture of how peoples childhoods can be so different. I played with her hair gently pulling on strands, and then tickled her palms to show her what it meant to me. Good show.

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