Stepping into the New Year: Focus on sweetness, forget the pain…

“The course of true love never did run smooth.”

( William Shakespeare, 1564-1616 )

TrueLove( Photo by epsilon-delta )

As Chuck Palahniuk once said, “It’s so hard to forget pain, but it’s even harder to remember sweetness. We have no scar to show for happiness. We learn so little from peace.”

It is time to break that pattern, it is time to get free from its chains. Try focusing on the sweet side to ease the pain.

Easier to say then to do you might say… Well, may be, the following 6 tips from When Love Bugs You might help?

1Talk about your marriage. This seems like an obvious tip on how to make a relationship last, but it’s surprisingly difficult to talk about your relationship! Talking about your relationship can make it better – even if you don’t solve your problems immediately. Just talking about your marriage brings you closer together. Or, it can help you realize that you may not want to save your marriage after all.

2. Recognize when you’re pulling away emotionally and physically. Recognize when you’re pulling away and do the exact opposite. So, instead of retreating to your shell, tell your partner why you’re retreating. No blame or guilt trips: just honesty.

3. Be honest with your partner about how to make your relationship last. Decide together if marriage counseling will help your relationship last a long time. Couples therapy is an effective way of building better relationships if both partners are committed. One partner can’t save a marriage alone. When you’re in the thick of things, you can’t see if you or your partner is being unreasonable (usually, it’s a little of both). An objective third party — a marriage or couples counselor — can help you make your marriage work by bridging communication gaps and helping you see your marriage clearly.

4. Figure out what you need from your relationship. To build a better marriage, each partner needs to be clear about their hopes and expectations.

5. Decide what you can give to your relationship. Perhaps the best tip on making a relationship last is about what you can give to your marriage (not necessarily what you can get). A secret of happy couples is to be clear about your needs, but it’s equally or perhaps more important to figure out where you’re dropping the ball. How can you build a better marriage by improving yourself?

6. Learn how to argue in healthy ways. Building a better relationship with your spouse means you need to stop blaming, criticizing, or belittling your partner. Regardless of how your husband or wife treats you, you need to communicate with love and respect. You can’t change your partner, but you can change how you respond to her or him. As Ann Landers once said, “All married couples should learn the art of battle as they should learn the art of making love. Good battle is objective and honest. Good arguments are healthy and constructive, and brings to a marriage the principle of equal partnership.”

And no matter how angry we are, lets never stop being caring.

CARINGFrom Funi Pics

Lets leave all the grudges in the old 2013 year and commit to making the New Year sweeter than the past.

Have a peaceful and happy New Year. 🙂

Hapy Year
From Images List

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16 thoughts on “Stepping into the New Year: Focus on sweetness, forget the pain…

  1. myluckydayz says:

    I love your post! And I agree, having a respectful and honest approach to work out the problem with a partner or anyone is the best way to solve the issue. Thank you for sharing

  2. For me of all the points you raise in this post O, 2 is the most pertinent.
    It takes a lot of courage and trust to commit to this action.
    It takes I would think a lot of diplomacy to convince your partner that you are not assigning blame. I lived with a woman who was right into blame, never hers.
    I say these things as i failed mostly at it, mainly because i was too busy defending myself against all myriad of accusations.
    A Happy 2014 to you as well.

    • Otrazhenie says:

      Unfortunately, some marriages can’t be saved and sometimes the only solution is to stop relationship at point 1 before it gets too toxic and traumatic for everyone involved and spins totally out of control. 😦 I believe from my personal experience that timely divorce in such cases is less traumatic than ongoing long-term high-conflict marriage.

      Be kind to yourself, Michael, and try to erase the negative memories and emotions from your mind. We can’t change our past. We can only accept it as it was and move our focus to the present and future.

      Happy New Year. I hope this year will bring you lots of joy, pleasant surprises and inner peace. 🙂

    • Otrazhenie says:

      Just stumbled across one of my old post about women “who are always right” – see at . Loved the way Celia Lashlie describes that ‘area of concern’. It is so important to ensure that neither women nor men ’lose their voices’ in a relationship. That also applies to all spheres of the society. Both women and men should be heard with respect – in the workplace, in the home and in the wider society.

      • Some years go I went to boys’ eduction conference in Melbourne an Celia spoke. She was brilliant, brought tears to the eyes of most there and I agree with what she says.

  3. viewpacific says:

    That’s quite an image of a couple not quite working things out. The six things in these article seem like good first steps, and still, they seem a little focused on the mind. Where does the heart come in?

  4. I nominated you for a Sunshine Blogger Award. You can read about it at Please don’t feel obligated to participate.

    Bernadette Laganella

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