Responsible Parenting: Happy Parents = Happy Children

HappyFrom Happy Parents, Happy Kids

Have you noticed that on airplanes you are always advised to put your oxygen mask first before helping your children? If you run out of oxygen yourself, you can hardly provide any help to your children. The same applies to parenting: as a responsible parent, you should take responsibility for your own happiness and well-being to be able to raise happy children.

“Making your kids the center of your life may seem child-friendly, but it can create long-term unhappiness for everyone in the family,” says David Code, the author of To Raise Happy Kids, Put Your Marriage First“. Many couples believe their marriage is strong because they rarely argue,” he says. “But the real marriage killer is when we distance ourselves from our spouse to keep the peace: We throw ourselves into parenting or work to avoid dealing with issues that cause conflict.” And if you and your spouse become distant, it places pressure on your kids to fulfill your emotional needs.

After all, when you put your marriage on the back burner, your kids can sense the lack of closeness between you. “Kids whose parents’ relationship has cooled are more likely to have behavioral or academic problems than kids of happy couples,” says Philip Cowan, PhD, a professor at the University of California, Berkeley, who has studied families for decades with his wife, psychologist Carolyn Pape Cowan, PhD. Think of your relationship as the emotional environment in which your kids live. Just as you want them to breathe clean air and drink pure water, you want them to grow up in a loving atmosphere.

Easier to say than to do, some of you might say. That’s true – not all relationships can be easily fixed. Some relationships are way too toxic and can’t be fixed at all – unfortunately, the relationship between my own parents was in that category. Sometimes I wish they never met each other – that would have been so much better for both of them. If you are caught in one of such extremely toxic cases, talk to someone you trust and seek professional help.

Otherwise see whether there is anything you can do to improve the emotional atmosphere at your home. A few tips and hints are provided below to get you started (my dear visitors and followers, feel free to add to this list via comments):

ParentsFrom How to Become a Peaceful Parent

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29 thoughts on “Responsible Parenting: Happy Parents = Happy Children

  1. It is my sense of humour that has gotten me to this point in life O.Without I would be a dull boy.

  2. Love is the rose colored glasses

  3. I lived in one of the ‘toxic-cases’. Like you I wished they never met but on the other hand. I would never have the things I’ve now if they never met. I’ve experience for a life time at young age. I learned from it. I know what I don’t want in a relationship and I know where to draw the line in bad behaviour from both sides. I also know people who had the same kind of home situation and their minds are still in the past. I hope and pray for them that they once will find the happiness they deserve but having the wrong example can be a torment for your soul.

    Thank you for sharing this one. I think many people can learn from this.

    ❤ Linda

    • Otrazhenie says:

      The same with me, Linda. I’ve learnt a lot from my childhood experience and moved on, making sure my children will never get poisoned by such toxic environment. Glad that you managed to turn your life around too in spite of all that toxic ‘luggage’. Feel so sorry for your friends who got ‘stuck’ in such sad toxic past. 😦

  4. deity2013 says:

    This is an amazing topic took me back to my childhood years. I had a parents who were deeply in love with each other but some how deeply hidden conflict between them. They were doing their best to hide it but we are as children, nine of us, feeling this clearly and affecting us deeply too.

    Why this loving couple were having such a conflict? İs my life question. My life almost revolved around this question and still is. Finally, the result was to realise that everything starts with every individual self. So, oneself has to know self first to know the other.

    Being seemingly happy is not happiness at all. We mature more when we are in pain some time. Happiness is to know how to balance them both and in the mean time teach this to our own children.

    Concerning this issue the other important point is that we leave our growing up too late and try to grow up with our own kids then they became an experiment tools for us rather than young valuable human beings that need professional handling.

    I have to stop here otherwise I am full to write a book about it.

    To be sure we have to concentrate every individual, individually first. That is why I began with choosing a deity. Deity that can unite every single one, one way or the other and still keep the individuality or the deity that can divide and pull every single one on their own selfish ways and newer meet each other.
    http://www.shukranpublishing.com The book deity was the result and I am deeply hoping that it will be beneficial to humanity as a whole.

    • Otrazhenie says:

      Thanks for your insightful comment. “Being seemingly happy is not happiness at all” – so true, and children do feel that. Children do know very well what is fake and what is true.

  5. malootka says:

    Reblogged this on truthionary.

  6. jilrob says:

    Thanks for your visit to Discover Santosha. I think that one of the things that made my husband and me want our marriage to work was that we both came from such dysfunctional homes. I hope that our children have benefited from our happy marriage.

  7. Great article. It makes me glad my wife and I are working on our marriage now while our son is still just a tot

    • Otrazhenie says:

      Glad that you liked this article. Tots are as sensitive to any tension in the family, as older children and teenagers, so it is important for children of all ages to have a warm and loving environment at home.

      • Agreed. He is a very happy and well adjusted child and doesn’t seem to have picked up on the tension that existed between us. I’m glad we are working on things now before it really impacted him. He’s only 20 months old.

  8. joshuadragon says:

    Good thoughts. Humor, to be able to smile on ourselves, our flaws, or even laugh at crazy world together are really leading forces.
    However, there must be a common ground, and not only external desires, goals, what can provide merely temporary happiness.
    For many, including many, faith, actively living for others is the common ground, what never changes, therefore, anything can happen, we always “find” each other…

  9. joshuadragon says:

    Good thoughts. Humor, to be able to smile on ourselves, our flaws, or even laugh at the crazy world together are really leading forces.
    However, there must be a common ground, and not only external desires, goals, what can provide merely temporary happiness.
    For many, including us, faith, actively living for others is the common ground, what never changes, therefore, anything can happen, we always “find” each other…

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