There is too much fathering going on…

“There is too much fathering going on just now and there is no doubt about it fathers are depressing.”

Gertrude Stein

* * *

Dad frm LoveBeingDad
From ‘I love being dad’

‘What’s the one thing about your dad you would change if you could?’

Time and again the answer came: ‘He’d get his sense of humour back.’

Not “He’d get a sense of humour’ but ‘He’d get his sense of humour back‘.  It seems to me – from a woman’s perspective – that you’re great with your little fellows: you roll around on the floor, you fight, you have a lot of fun. And then the moment comes when you’re not getting up off the floor unless he lets you, and in that instant a wee switch goes down in the back of the male brain, and you say to yourselves, ‘OK, I need to be a proper father now.’

So you stand up ready and willing to be a proper father and meanwhile he’s looking around thinking, ‘I wonder where my dad went, because this grumpy old bastard sure isn’t him.’…

A common theme of the conversations I had with many of the students was their lack of what they considered a real father-son relationship. Many had either no or only intermittent contact with their dads…. Those students whose fathers were physically present in their lives weren’t always there emotionally… He doesn’t want you to give up work, to look after him 24 hours a day or to completely invade his world… What he does want is for you to know what his favourite food is, what music he likes, who his best friend is, what scared him and what his dreams are… He wants you to connect with him as he is now, not as you might want him to be..The other thing you don’t have to do is to lecture him…. You just have to be prepared to answer any questions he asks as honestly as you can when he asks it…

Continue to be who you are, continue to walk beside him and he’ll be the good man he has the potential to become. And you’ll both have a great deal of fun along the way.”

from “He’ll be OK: Growing gorgeous boys into good men” by Celia Lashlie

dad teenager
from ‘Courageous’

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One thought on “There is too much fathering going on…

  1. […] your sense of humour back and share lots of giggles. In  “He’ll be OK: Growing gorgeous boys into good men” Celia Lashlie noted that a common theme of the conversations she had with many of the students […]

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