Will you trust me?

 Trust Takes Years To Build Seconds To Break Forever To Repair
From http://quotespictures.com

Will you trust me in the valley deep?
Will you trust me as you lay down to sleep?
Yes I will trust you despite the pain
Yes I will trust you without any gain

Will you trust me in the depths of the sea?
Will you trust me though we may not agree?
Yes I will trust you in the darkest night
Yes I will trust you when I have no sight

Will you trust me when your lost and alone?
Will you trust me when your far from home?
Yes I will trust you when I have lost my way
Yes I will trust you to bring me back one day.

By Frank McEleny

 

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True Love

tumblr_mu7mzxBaO61rl43djo1_500 (1)

From http://kundalinidotorg

True love is a sacred flame 
That burns eternally, 
And none can dim its special glow 
Or change its destiny. 
True love speaks in tender tones 
And hears with gentle ear, 
True love gives with open heart 
And true love conquers fear. 
True love makes no harsh demands 
It neither rules nor binds, 
And true love holds with gentle hands 
The hearts that it entwines.

From TwinFlame Soulmates


From A Person in the Dark

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Don’t forget to unpack your baggage ;-)


From http://rawforbeauty.com

Dragging old baggage around with you can taint the most promising relationship. Living with someone who is carrying excess baggage can feel a little like walking on egg shells; never knowing what will trigger the next blow out. Since it is impossible for your partner to ever be perfect enough to not trigger your baggage, it is wise to unpack.


From http://relationshiprevelations

A few tips for unpacking your baggage are provided below:

1. Accept and release your anger. Accept that it is healthy to feel anger about negative experiences and losses. Accept that you feel angry for a reason, acknowledge that you have a right to feel how you feel. Then choose to deal constructively with your anger and find a way to release that feeling, rather than allowing it to turn to bitterness.

Let The Anger, Fear, Frustration Fuel YouFrom 15 Motivational Fitness Quotes

2. Rid yourself of reminders. Give back, give away, sell or discard the physical reminders of old hurts. If you are hanging onto stuff that brings you pain each time you use or see it, it may be time to clean house. It can be helpful as a symbolic way to say I am choosing to let go of the past, or to free myself from its grasp.

1237812_561275073920996_1296116581_nFrom http://funiswhatyoumakeit.com

3. Break the pattern. Carrying old baggage can mean that your partner gets painted with the same brush as your ex. If they say or do anything that even reminds you of something from the past, all that build up hurt and anger falls on them like a ton of bricks. Choose to be in the present and to deal with your current relationship and remember that your partner is not your ex or your parents or whoever else hurt you in the past.


From http://www.happyfriday.ca/

4. Forgive yourself. It is important to accept responsibility for the hurtful things that you did or said in past relationships and to learn from mistakes that you made. Remember that you are only responsible for things that you can control. Choose to learn from your past and forgive yourself, rather than beating yourself up. Accept that, in whatever situation you found yourself, you did the best you could at the time.

From http://stylemagazine.com/

5. Forgive others. Forgiving those who have hurt you frees you from carrying their baggage with you. You do not forgive them because they deserve to be forgiven or to give them peace of mind; you forgive them because you deserve to be free of them and you deserve peace of mind. Forgiveness can be difficult and sometimes takes years, but it really is the most effective way to unpack your baggage.

From http://frasesconsentimientos.wordpress.com/

Get help if needed. If you strongly feel that your past is interfering with your present and stopping you from having the future that you want, it may be wise to seek help from a professional. Sometimes your partner can help you unpack and sometimes you just need a little extra help.

From Unpack Your Baggage for a Great Relationship
by Susan Derry


From http://www.ingeniosus.net

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False Accusations: Guilty Until Proven Innocent

“When one person makes an accusation, check to be sure he himself is not the guilty one. Sometimes it is those whose case is weak who make the most clamour.”

Piers Anthony


From http://www.saveservices.org

I personally met victims of false allegations and witnessed the devastating effect of such allegations on them and their families. One of the stories I came across is provided below.  I was shocked to discover that  in cases I came across the false accusers have not been prosecuted for their actions.

The high rate of false allegations identified in various studies  is truly alarming:

Unfortunately, these studies provide no information on whether the proven false accusers have been prosecuted for their actions.

False allegations is a crime that ruins people’s lives therefore I firmly believe that all false-accusers should be severely prosecuted for their actions.


From http://www.equalparenting-bc.ca/

Related Resources:

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Nina

( Russia, 1990s)

(  Photo by Ruslan Lobanov  )

I met Nina in the orphanage where I was working. She just came back to teaching from the maternity leave. I always admired Nina. She was a very good teacher, full of compassion and love. She knew how to talk to children and make them feel good. She had three children of her own, which probably helped. Once I asked her why they decided to have that many children, as people rarely had more than one child at that time, if any at all. Life was too tough and unstable.

“It’s a long story,” – she said. “I married straight after graduating from the Pedagogical University. My husband was a teacher as well. By the time we had our second child he was offered a position of the deputy-principal in one of the local schools.

That year we got an offer through the district teachers board to apply for a one-year work-experience position in the UK. There was only one such position for the whole district. We perfectly fitted the criteria – a family of teachers with two kids and one of the adults having a managerial position within the school sector. We both could speak English. We both were very excited about that offer, as we have never been overseas before.

However a few weeks after we submitted our application, the principal of the school called my husband for a private chat. A mother of a 15-year-old student filed a complaint that he was sexually harassing her daughter at school. We both were shocked, all the teachers at school were stunned. No one believed the allegations. My husband hardly knew this girl and had never been with her alone.

He was stood down as a deputy-principal while the school was investigating the issue. It turned out that there was no issue at all after all. The girl herself knew nothing about the allegations and her mum soon withdrew her complaint. But while the school has been dealing with that complaint, we missed out on the trip to the UK.

A few months later the girl’s mother admitted that she was paid by the principal of a neighboring school to file this complain, so that he could go to UK with his family. And he did.

We both were very depressed and stunned by these false allegations. So we could not think of anything better to cheer ourselves up than having another baby. And we did.”

Her face lit up with a tired smile. “But I need to go now. My grandma is sick, so I need to get some medication for her before picking up the older kids from school and the little one from the creche.”

Nina and her husband were sharing their small cramped apartment with her mother, her mother-in-law and her grandmother. Five adults and three little kids under the same roof – they surely had a very “cheerful”  life.

 

(Photo by dopopioggia )

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Is it OK for all men to be seen as predators?

stereotypesFrom 5 Things To Show That Men Are Daily Victims Of Gender Bias Too

As a society we talk a lot about racism and other forms of discrimination. But when it comes to men and the way they are being stereotyped and discriminated against, no one seems to have much to say.

I was taught from early age to be fearful of men and talk only to women if I needed help. In spite of good intentions of ‘keeping me safe’, that strategy made it only worse by limiting the pool of people I could ask for help when required. In fact, the safest I ever felt as a child was among boys and men.

Father holding daughter at beachFrom Greatest American Dad

For that reason, I get very upset when I come across examples of men being treated as potential predators. Child advocates advise parents to never hire a male babysitter. Airlines are placing unaccompanied minors with female passengers rather than male passengers.

In 2007 Virginia’s Department of Health mounted an ad campaign for its sex-abuse hotline. Billboards featured photos of a man holding a child’s hand. The caption: “It doesn’t feel right when I see them together,” which implies that my dad or uncle could be seen as sexual abusers if they were holding my hand in public when I was a child. How sick is that? What if I gave my dad a hug or a kiss in public, as I naturally did a lot as a child? Or sat on my dad’s lap? What’s wrong with that? Why should children be denied their father’s affection because of someone else’s sick mind?

From http://www.stopitnow.org/virginia

Not surprisingly fathers’ rights activists and educators argue that an inflated predator panic is damaging men’s relationships with children. Some men are opting not to get involved with children at all, which partly explains why many youth groups are struggling to find male leaders, and why there are so few males involved in early childhood education or  teaching in primary schools.

One of my male friends recently came across a lost child in tears in a mall. His first instinct was to help, but he feared people might consider him a predator. So he asked his daughter to comfort the lost child instead. “Being male,” he explained, “I am guilty until proven innocent.”

And that’s not the worst. In England in 2006, BBC News reported the story of a bricklayer who spotted a toddler at the side of the road. As he later testified at a hearing, he didn’t stop to help for fear he’d be accused of trying to abduct her. You know: A man driving around with a little girl in his car? She ended up at a pond and drowned.

Abigail RaeFrom Neglect Ruling in Girl Pond Death

People assume that all men “have the potential for violence and sexual aggressiveness,” says Peter Stearns, a George Mason University professor who studies fear and anxiety. Kids end up viewing every male “as a potential evildoer,” he says, and as a byproduct, “there’s an overconfidence in female virtues,” in spite of disturbing statistics on physical abuse inflicted on children by female perpetrators.

From Messages the Abusive Woman uses to Control her Children

Most men understand the need to be cautious, so they’re willing to take a step back from children, or to change seats on a plane. One abused child is one too many. Still, it’s important to maintain perspective. “The number of men who will hurt a child is tiny compared to the population,” says Benjamin Radford, who researches statistics on predators and is managing editor of the science magazine Skeptical Inquirer. “Virtually all of the time, if a child is lost or in trouble, he will be safe going to the nearest male stranger.”

Society protecting children by treating all men as potential predators is not safe. Just sick.

From Gender and Aggression

Resources:

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When Your Children Leave the Nest…

Empty Nest

No, none of my children is leaving the nest yet. Luckily, they are still not that old. Though it won’t take long before they grow up and turn into young adults. I’m dreading that moment. How am I going to cope with that, if at the moment I’m struggling to cope with one of my children leaving the nest for just a week?

From Laughter

Empty nest syndrome, the profound sadness that can come when children grow up and move out, is usually associated with mothers. But, men also experience grief when the last child departs–a problem that can be compounded by other issues. At the same time as kids leave home, careers tend to start leveling off. And suddenly, there is an abundance of time with the spouse –which isn’t always positive.

emptynest3

From http://everydayclimb.wordpress.com/

As Wayne Parker points out, the biggest challenge of being an empty-nester has little to do with the separation from the child, and everything to do with a need to redefine the relationship between the parents. Some spouses report that, because so much of family life has for twenty years or more revolved around children, they no longer have much in common. Sometimes their relationship have devolved into simply the relationship of a mother and a father; with the children no longer occupying center stage,  they might need to work through some critical relationship issues.

From Learning to live in an empty nest

Tips for Surviving the Empty Nest Experience

Recognize the reality of change. It is helpful to remember that moving into the empty nest stage of life is a major change, but it is one that has both positives and negatives. Accepting the reality of this new transition and knowing some of the changes to expect is helpful.

From GovLoop

Focus on relationships. Now that the demands of parenting in your immediate family are less, it is good to remember that life is about relationships. Spend time with your partner and other friends. You can’t just decrease the time you spend on your relationship with your son or daughter; you have to add time to other important relationships.

middle-ages-friendship-ftrFrom Parade

Take care of yourself. You might have put a lot of things on hold for yourself as you have cared for your family. With some additional time, it’s smart to create a little more time for yourself. Get your exercise regime back; maybe rediscover an old hobby/interest or travel a little more. It’s a great time for refreshing, and you deserve it.

From Over50Feeling40

Make a dream list. Sit down and make a list of things you have dreamed about doing during the active parenting years and prioritize. Maybe it’s time for the trip to Hawaii or the new fly rod.

empty nesters happyFrom Huffington Post

Keep connected to the kids. You don’t stop being a dad when the kids are no longer at home; the roles just change. Email the kids (and grandkids when they come) periodically to stay in touch. Exchange digital photos or videos. Send care packages to the college kids; they will appreciate the extra touch.

old man thinking about his childrenFrom CompleteWellbeing

Consider volunteering. There are so many worthwhile organizations in your community where your talents can be used. If you really miss your connection with your teenagers, consider the Scouting program, Boys and Girls Clubs or the Big Brothers group. Your local elementary school would really appreciate your help with childhood literacy.

Buddy
From BigBuddy

Empty nesting can be a challenging time, but being prepared and having a game plan for making it through this natural transition can ease the pain and help you find new opportunities for growth and fun. Take the most out of it before:

Grandma
From Empty Nest Syndrome

;-)

Adapted from:

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Happiness is YOU

“The art of being happy lies in the power of extracting happiness from common things.”

Henry Ward Beecher

Children
From DIVYAA68

“We all want to live happy and fulfilling lives and we want the people we love to be happy too. So happiness matters to all of us.

Happiness is about our lives as a whole: it includes the fluctuating feelings we experience everyday but also our overall satisfaction with life. It is influenced by our genes, upbringing and our external circumstances – such as our health, our work and our financial situation. But crucially it is also heavily influenced by our choices – our inner attitudes, how we approach our relationships, our personal values and our sense of purpose….

The research shows that happiness and fulfilment come less from material wealth and more from relationships; less from focusing on ourselves and more from helping others; less from external factors outside our control and more from the way in which we choose to react to what happens to us.”

 From Action for Happiness

Happiness quoteFrom Notable Quotes

Can happiness survive in one of the coldest parts of the world? Check out this video of -50C happiness from Yakutia –  part of the Russian Federation known for its extreme climate. Winters here are extremely cold. Some of the lowest natural temperatures ever recorded have been here. The Northern Hemisphere’s Pole of Cold is at Verkhoyansk, where the temperatures reached as low as −67.8 °C (−90.0 °F) in 1892, and at Oymyakon, where the temperatures reached as low as −71.2 °C (−96.2 °F) in 1926.

Happy Easter! :-) 

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